[wanderingbear]

Hello all,

First post! First request for some words/support/pointers for assistance?

I work for a British Labour Member of Parliament (MP). I have, for some reason, been very traumatised and distressed by the murder of the MP Jo Cox which happened last week.

(This story has been in the international media over the last week but in case you are not aware of it, do a Google search.)

I have been experiencing problems eating, sleeping and concentrating on work and have been signed off work for one week for stress and prescribed sleeping pills and an increased dosage to the antidepressants I have been taking as a result.

I don’t know where all this upset/anxiety/distress/trauma has come from. I guess that there are possible several reasons, and I hope you do not mind me outlining them below:

- As mentioned, I work for a Labour MP. I organise meetings and appointments with constituents, and attend them with the MP. Some have, in the past, been slightly aggressive to me/the MP. So I can ‘step into the shoes’ of those who were present during the murder (which took place whilst Jo was walking to the meeting with constituents with an assistance who witnessed the murder);

- The graphic details of Jo’s death relayed on media from eyewitness accounts. As the details were so vivid, I was able to play them out in my mind.

Possible trigger:

Which caused nausea and upset me greatly (shot twice, kicked and punched on the floor, stabbed several times and then shot again in the face).

I felt sick again today accidentally reading the BBC report into the coroner’s report;

- Genuine upset for the murder of an individual who shared my values, of the same political party as I, someone who worked very hard for noble causes. Cried on at least four occasions since last Thursday. Shock and disbelief that such a savage and brutal attack could take place on someone so beautiful, caring and kind whilst carrying out a public service;

- Other secondary connections/links with my experience - my mother died when I was eight years old, and her death was very sudden. I never got a chance to say goodbye (like her boys), and I was the first in my family to go to Cambridge (or any other university for that matter). Like Jo, I was a working-class kid made good, and found it hard to integrate myself into Cambridge life. Made me think back to difficult times in my life, causing anxiety and stress (probably a minor issue);

- Feelings of anger/hatred towards the person who committed the crime (particularly after his statements about 'death to traitors'), with all the likelihood that the offence was a political assassination. I have caught myself unthinkingly directing this anger on some people who were annoying me by snapping at them and being irritable;

- Feelings of embarrassment that I feel so strongly about this event when I have no personal connection to Jo, or her family. (I have come across some comments on social media about 'mourning sickness', 'grief porn' etc, which has made me reticent to discuss my feelings with others, therefore 'bottling things up';

I have been on antidepressants for seven years, have previously had CBT and experience social anxiety so my mental health can be quite fragile when faced with these kinds of events.

As well as trying to get over my distress, I guess I am after some help to make some sense of my thoughts and try to process them, as well as to assist with mitigating and/or avoiding this level of distress again in the future.

Thanks for reading.

Wandering Bear

[Marylin]

It is bound to have affected you and been shock and made you anxious about your own personal safety,it is a trauma for everyone who worked with her and knew her or even just was a member working around her and just associated with her and her entourage.

It was definitely too close to home for you, and the violence of her death a shock and horror.I advise you to get some kind of trauma therapy or see someone who specializes in helping people who are affected by knowing someone who has suffered a violent death.It should help you a lot.

Originally Posted by wanderingbear

Hello all,

First post! First request for some words/support/pointers for assistance?

I work for a British Labour Member of Parliament (MP). I have, for some reason, been very traumatised and distressed by the murder of the MP Jo Cox which happened last week.

(This story has been in the international media over the last week but in case you are not aware of it, do a Google search.)

I have been experiencing problems eating, sleeping and concentrating on work and have been signed off work for one week for stress and prescribed sleeping pills and an increased dosage to the antidepressants I have been taking as a result.

I don’t know where all this upset/anxiety/distress/trauma has come from. I guess that there are possible several reasons, and I hope you do not mind me outlining them below:

- As mentioned, I work for a Labour MP. I organise meetings and appointments with constituents, and attend them with the MP. Some have, in the past, been slightly aggressive to me/the MP. So I can ‘step into the shoes’ of those who were present during the murder (which took place whilst Jo was walking to the meeting with constituents with an assistance who witnessed the murder);

- The graphic details of Jo’s death relayed on media from eyewitness accounts. As the details were so vivid, I was able to play them out in my mind.

Possible trigger:

Which caused nausea and upset me greatly (shot twice, kicked and punched on the floor, stabbed several times and then shot again in the face).

I felt sick again today accidentally reading the BBC report into the coroner’s report;

- Genuine upset for the murder of an individual who shared my values, of the same political party as I, someone who worked very hard for noble causes. Cried on at least four occasions since last Thursday. Shock and disbelief that such a savage and brutal attack could take place on someone so beautiful, caring and kind whilst carrying out a public service;

- Other secondary connections/links with my experience - my mother died when I was eight years old, and her death was very sudden. I never got a chance to say goodbye (like her boys), and I was the first in my family to go to Cambridge (or any other university for that matter). Like Jo, I was a working-class kid made good, and found it hard to integrate myself into Cambridge life. Made me think back to difficult times in my life, causing anxiety and stress (probably a minor issue);

- Feelings of anger/hatred towards the person who committed the crime (particularly after his statements about 'death to traitors'), with all the likelihood that the offence was a political assassination. I have caught myself unthinkingly directing this anger on some people who were annoying me by snapping at them and being irritable;

- Feelings of embarrassment that I feel so strongly about this event when I have no personal connection to Jo, or her family. (I have come across some comments on social media about 'mourning sickness', 'grief porn' etc, which has made me reticent to discuss my feelings with others, therefore 'bottling things up';

I have been on antidepressants for seven years, have previously had CBT and experience social anxiety so my mental health can be quite fragile when faced with these kinds of events.

As well as trying to get over my distress, I guess I am after some help to make some sense of my thoughts and try to process them, as well as to assist with mitigating and/or avoiding this level of distress again in the future.

Thanks for reading.

Wandering Bear

Hi and welcome Wandering Bear, I read through your post and tbh given your background (losing your own mother young) and your similar working environment to this MP I'm not surprised that you have been triggered by this tragic event.

I'm no expert but like you I'm familiar with CBT, in a case like this I suppose we can apply some CBT principles to break down your thoughts/feelings bit by bit (you've already done a good part of this very well).

1) You have 'stepped into the shoes' of those who were present, it's good that you have this empathy - but what may help is to also have boundaries. For example "I can imagine that was awful, but that is 'their' emotion not mine, me feeling it for them won't help them". This 'feeling others emotions' is something I have struggled with too, and boundaries are something I have to be mindful of.

2) The graphic details of the murder have affected you greatly. It's not surprising, and you are not alone there, it was horrific. All I can think of to suggest is that you are very careful exposing yourself to news coverage of events such as these in future. Personally I had to limit my own TV news exposure - because it 'comes at you', I prefer papers & internet because I can control what I see better.

3) I am so sorry you suffered the loss of your mother at a young age, that must be a very sad time in your life to be reminded of. Along with her background these are all triggers to previous trauma for you. Have you had a chance to discuss these traumas with a therapist? It may be discussing them in a safe place with a safe trusted person may be helpful. If not a therapist then maybe a trusted friend?

4) Anger and hatred towards the perpetrator is understandable. However there are some reports which indicate he may have suffered mental illness, whether it's true or not I don't know. In that case would you feel differently? Snapping at those around you is a symptom of being overwhelmed, it's quite common in depression, and I'm glad you are taking some time out. Relaxation can also be helpful, it doesn't have to be meditation, just soothing music, a warm bath, even favourite funny movie can all help relax and calm you.

5) Embarrassment about your feelings and therefore not wanting to discuss them could be feeding into anger and irritability you are feeling. Would it help if I told you if a friend of mine came to me and told me everything you have just written above I would not judge them harshly, I'd be pleased they were opening up about it? Really there is such a lot of hot air on social media 'grief porn' etc, I would put it in it's rightful place if I were you (the 'hot air' shelf) people who know and care about you will listen.

I hope that you can find something in all of the above to help you in this distress you are feeling right now.

We also have forums on here specifically for Social Anxiety, Depression, Grief and Bereavement and PTSD among others. I hope you will find them helpful.

[wanderingbear]

Thank you so much for everyone's kind responses. Any further thoughts would be appreciated.

WB

[wanderingbear]

Thank you so much for the responses - very much appreciated.

Any further comments would be welcome.

WB

How are you doing today Wandering bear, are you feeling any better?

[Out There]

Hi and welcome to the forum wanderingbear , from a fellow UK'er. This was a terrible shock and shatters our sense that the world is a safe place , and particularly for you who assists a person also going about their business and doing a job. Coupled with the other events in your life , I would urge you to seek specialised trauma treatment as soon as possible. I hope you will find us supportive and understanding here too , and will reach out whenever you need.

[possum220]

Welcome to our humble home.

Like Out there said seek specialized trauma treatment. Given the closeness of the event I would hope that your place of work would provide a point of contact for help to those that continue to deal with the tragedy of what happened. Maybe this point of contact may be a valuable resource when it comes to seek information for on going issues that you will face.

This world seems to harder and harder to live in. Try and make time where you can to carve out some peace where you can. Talk to people.......... Cry. Do something to cheer one other person up. This will feed your own soul too.

[Sula B]

Hello and welcome wanderingbear.

As part of my experience with depression and trauma I too have been grossly effected by events with which I empathise even though not connected with me so from my own experience I can assure you that your reaction is not absurd nor should you be embarrassed. I agree with others here who have suggested you should find some trauma counselling and develop some methods of dealing with your reaction to events with which you identify.

My thoughts are with you and I hope we can talk plenty in the coming days, weeks, months... Please feel free to pm me anytime.