Not sure what to do?

I'm 16 years old and I've just been concerned about my mental health lately I guess. I found out I had PCOS a few months back and it may be the cause of it but idk. I've been having trouble sleeping, I'm tired most of the time, and when I do wake up, I feel unmotivated to get up. I've been so isolated, keeping to myself, and I never like going out. I guess that's where the insecurities come in. I've been bullied almost every school year my whole life (at least since 4th grade where I can recall) and I'm in 12th grade now. I've also always had trouble making friends so its always been pretty lonely. It seems like every time I let someone into my life, I seem to push them away somehow. Idk. I wasn't close with family either and I'm still not. But last year (11th grade) was pretty tough because of what I chose to do with my hair (I hated it) and I constantly got bullied and humiliated by the same person almost every day. I was called dirty because I have skin discoloration, weird, retarded (even when she cheated on me during tests/quizzes all the time), and fat. I never defend myself because I don't know how and lets be honest. Telling someone does NOTHING and sometimes it makes it worse. I know from experience. In 10th grade I had problems with odor and was sometimes sexually harassed by my "friend". My mind is constantly putting myself down. How overweight I am, how ugly I am, my stretch marks, my skin, it just finds something to criticize and I end up crying a lot. It seems like no matter how much I try to change myself, it doesn't seem to get better. It seems like things get worse and that leads me to think I can't do anything right. And I'm not able to enjoy things like I feel like I should. I don't even like hanging out with my family anymore. I like listening to music and watching Netflix, but that seems to be pretty much it. I don't have any hobbies or anything. I have trouble finding more things I enjoy so I just stay in bed all day. I'm not constantly sad though, actually I'm pretty content during the day most of the time, I just know these thoughts constantly linger with me and I usually just cry at night when it builds up. Because I don't enjoy anything, I'm afraid of the future because I don't know what I want to be or what I can be. I wanna be normal, less shy, have friends, and I wanna do something and be more happy but I really don't know what to do. Please help

I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time. You're 16 and a senior in high school? Wow! You must be super smart or at least very ahead in your studies! That's one thing that you can give yourself kudos for.

Honestly - I feel for you because high school is such a brutal time for a lot of people, myself included. People put way too much time into judging other people. I was wondering - do you have any hobbies? Is there any sort of sport or activity that you have always wanted to learn how to do and have never really tried? I found sports really helpful in building my self-confidence. The people on my team became some of my closest friends. We were all there to play the same game and that shared goal was a built-in way that we could connect. As I began to see myself improve in my skills, that gave me confidence.

One of the most important things for me was having a group of people that was separate from the people I saw everyday at school. Joining a team, it sort of gave me the opportunity to start fresh with a new group of people. Surrounding yourself with kind, supportive individuals is a good first step towards building your self-esteem and making friends.

Do you have plans for continuing your education after high school? Hopefully, you will find yourself among a new pool of prospective friends. Or at the very least, have some more options for clubs/extracurriculars where you could find an activity or a cause that interests you.

I don't have any hobbies rn, even though I've tried finding one. I reeaallyy dislike sports hah and I'm not even sure about our schools clubs and stuff. I think we only have very few. I'm joining an art class next year though so maybe I'll make friends there. hopefully. and I want to go to college but I don't know what I want to be because of my lack of interests.

Hi!

Welcome to PC!

I am sorry for your pain.

Miswimmy has made several great suggestions.

Is supportive counseling/therapy and option?
A coach/therapist might really help you to sort out your interests, etc.

PCOS can be a challenge. One of the ways to cope with PCOS and to avoid diabetes is to control calories and weight. Are you active physically? Do you watch your weight? (Body fat can add to the hormonal imbalances with PCOS. People living with PCOS are more susceptible to diabetes, as well. Controlling weight can minimize the effects of PCOS.)

Again, welcome to PC!
Make yourself at home here on the many forums.



WC

Thank you for the welcome. Unfortunately it's not really an option at the moment. And I'm already trying to eat healthier and exercise.. I just have trouble exercising because I always give up and feel like I can't lose the weight. I'm aware of the effects though.

Im sorry you are going thru a tough time because of your peers.
Some immature people act in hurtful ways, with intent and somethimes without intwnd to hurt.

On top of that, your diagnosis is contributing to your tiredness, your self image and your low mood.

I believe this is somewhat of a common disease, have you looked for facebook or online groups to befriend anyother teenage girls who are going thru the same thing?

I would also recommend speaking with a school counsler or trusted teacher to help build your support system.

Good luck! High school is so hard emotionally, but its not forever.

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An art class sounds like a wonderful idea! I hope that you meet some nice people. As for wanting to know what you want to do - that's not super important when deciding whether you want to go to college or not. A lot of people start taking classes before they have committed to a certain track or major or anything. Some people even just take a few classes that sound interesting just to gain knowledge for the fun of it

i am so sad, your story brings back bad memories for me too.i was bullied at an all girls school for 4 years. it took me a step where i sat with a different ckick for once one day. then i got to know some of the other group of people, and hung around them too. the girls in the main group i started in the first place got jealous!!!i never knew they cared. then everyone came together in one group and i even have a yearbook picture of myself only myself.

have you tried reading the book of Psalms or exercising everyday? Another thing that really helps me is opening the curtains getting sunlight in, not smoking, calling friends and family, going on walks leisurely, watching comedies, watching funny videons on you tube, taking a shower everyday etc. do you have a therapist??

Wow, this makes me tearfully recall my own highschool years. I also think back to when my daughter was your age and the painful and merciless bullying she seemed to face. In her case it was being 6ft since age 12 that was the focal point for the taunts and abuse. My hands were tied. There was nothing I could do other than be as supportive as I could. Meanwhile she too suffered a similar problem to PCOS which wreaked havoc with her emotionally.

The answer seemed to be 'escaping' as soon as she could. It teared me up but I supported and aided her plans to move out and away as soon as she graduated - despite being only 17. In the interim I got her involved in as many activities outside of school as I could.

Are you able to look forward to and make similar plans? Are you able to sit down with a guidance counsellor and parents? Are you even able to get your doctor involved. The hormonal issues with PCOS no doubt affect all this what with the constant fluctuation of hormones which will lead to mental illness symptoms. It can't be easy. But, your doctor may be able to get the ball rolling in terms of therapy and learning coping mechanisms.

In the meantime, look forward to and plan that future of yours.

Thanks guys Sorry I'm a bit late. I didn't rly think about that for the college thing. I thought you had to go straight into studying for your major. I'll keep that in mind!
and thanks for the story @avlady! I'm gonna try to find a good group of friends
No, I don't have a therapist, but I watch comedies all the time.
@justafriend303 you sound like an awesome mother! I plan on moving out when I graduate as well, no idea where I want to go though! so many choices haha my dad is in jail, my gma doesn't rly listen, and I'm not close to my mom so it's kinda limited. I can try to talk to my doctor about it maybe And thank you. I'll try!