[OldYoungLady50]

I know this seems petty but it’s affecting my life negatively. Im a woman that just turned 52. This problem has been affecting me for about 3 years. The problem is that I think I’m old to the point where my mind keeps thinking “what’s the point?” I run my own business - I’m an artist that deals with a lot of young people (adults in their 20s and 30s) day to day and it seems to make my problem worse. I’ve wondered to myself ‘why do they want to even deal with a creepy old lady like me?’
I’m one of those “young” aging people in the sense that I get along well with younger people. I still dress the way I did 20 years ago, I like to stay fit and partake in extreme workout programs, and having been a musician all my life, I still play (guitar, bass, drums, and sing, write/compose) and love music. I “feel” young in my spirit and even in body, buy my mind keeps insisting I’m old and life is pretty much over. I’m not suicidal - but that last sentence I just shared is really taking my existence over ... I’m old and my life is pretty much over.
I see a lot of people my age living their lives and I don’t see them as old - so why do I have this overwhelming dread in my own?

Just kind of hoping someone out there can explain to me why I have these thoughts and feelings and might have some tools I can use to change my mind and see the rest of my life as worth enjoying rather that spent in a state of surrender to old age.

Thank you.

My parents died at the ages of 40 and 43. I don't take a day for granted. You are not old at all and even if you were, your life is valuable and matters. I think what you are feeling is very normal. I would suggest doing something for yourself maybe out of your comfort zone. For example I've done pole dancing classes with 60 year olds. How cool is that!

[Maven]

I'm 49 and I feel like my life is more than half over. I want to live to at least 100, but I haven't taken care of my body. I don't want to die.

[OldYoungLady50]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

My parents died at the ages of 40 and 43. I don't take a day for granted. You are not old at all and even if you were, your life is valuable and matters. I think what you are feeling is very normal. I would suggest doing something for yourself maybe out of your comfort zone. For example I've done pole dancing classes with 60 year olds. How cool is that!

Thank you TheSadGirl, for your really kind words.

[possum220]

Welcome to PC.

You dont 'act' old from what you mentioned in your post. 52 is a number - that's all. Don't let the number fool you or trap you. Mix with young ones, stay fit and remain involved in life. The fact that the younger ones are around tends to make me think that they don't see you as "some creepy old lady".

Don't let your mind rob you of the joy that is still to be had.

[Open Eyes]

This is common when someone hits their 50's, it's called mid life crisis. Don't be hard on yourself for this because a lot of people, if not most people, especially women do go through this.

((((Hugs))))

[OldYoungLady50]

Thank you Possum220 for offering such kind and encouraging words. You actually help me look at it from a different perspective and I really appreciate that.
And thank you ZopenEyrs. Yes I agree that it is just some kind of mid-life panic thing and menopause isnt helping. It just seems to be such an overpowering self-loathing that is so out of character for me. I had no idea it would be so difficult to “age gracefully”.

[winter loneliness]

There are two me's. Bipolar manic and bipolar depressed. (And of course the in-between.)

Manic me-I have bright colored hair, wear makeup, go out, drink, dance, flirt, go to concerts. Hang with people of all ages.

Depressed me- I have wrinkles, cover my grey and haven't had a relationship in years.

Guess which I like better? lol

I am 52.

[MickeyCheeky]

I think you're having a mid-life crisis.. it's pretty common.
Just keep doing what you're doing: keep yourself busy, do what you like, try not to think much about it.

[OldYoungLady50]

Originally Posted by possum220

Welcome to PC.

You dont 'act' old from what you mentioned in your post. 52 is a number - that's all. Don't let the number fool you or trap you. Mix with young ones, stay fit and remain involved in life. The fact that the younger ones are around tends to make me think that they don't see you as "some creepy old lady".

Don't let your mind rob you of the joy that is still to be had.

Thank you so possum220 for such kind and encouraging words. You help me to look at my feelings from a different perspective.

[OldYoungLady50]

Originally Posted by OldYoungLady50

Thank you TheSadGirl, for your really kind words.

Ps TheSadGirl - I’m very sorry to hear for your far too early loss.

[nicoleflynn]

Most people would think I am old ---71, however, I still feel 18; I started college at 60, and march in parades in my high heels as a veteran....have a ton of energy and love life and it shows; most people guess my age at 20 years younger; attitude is everything. Every moment is precious; we must have joy and celebrate every day!

Your life isn't over until you are dead (obvious, I knOW); perhaps helping others would help;it gives you a perspective of what is important in life and makes you feel better and useful. There are so many ways to help others....the elderly are lonely; and can feel alone and unloved....YOU (all of us) can make a difference, and I believe that is why we are here (to make a difference); when we take ourselves out of ourselves, we forget our problems for awhile.

[eskielover]

I started life over at 54....10 years ago after leaving a 33 year bad marriage. The last 13 years of that time, all I wanted to do was die. Before that I hid in my computer engineering career.

The last 10 years has been amazing. I think & feel young again....UNTIL....i spend all day clearing brush, climbing in & out of the bed of my truck, around my new little 10 acre farm then go to my ballroom dance class group for 3 hours at night. I ride horses. My muscles & all my previous injuries & broken bones tell me Im older than my brain thinks. I push myself physically like I always did when I was young playing hard games of racquetball with the guys I worked with. My brain doesnt get that my body isnt as young as it used to be. Think I have the oppisite problem....& I end up spending a week trying to recover from some of my activities. Hot showers & heating pads have become my friends since I have no intention of slowing down till I die.....20+ years from now.

[Perna]

I'm 67 and still remember when I spent a year depressed at 46 because I realized I was on the "downhill" slope; my life was probably more than half over, etc. A lot of it for me I realize now is the whole, "what am I going to be when I grow up?" and the promise of a future starts to go away; I've done pretty much what I've wanted, gone through the education/marriage/children/homes/jobs/calling/travel and have begun to have to struggle when I finish one big project to find another I'm interested in.

I'm retired from work and even living in a retirement community so the challenges have changed and after being widowed a couple years ago, I find this period has become the most challenging of my life so far! We are "old". There's no way to get around it, it's not based on what we want or how we feel or what we think/are able to do, everybody has the same trajectory and goes through menopause and gets more frail over time and begins to have a harder time sooner or later with physical/mental tasks, etc. The body wears out, it was designed to. That we are in "control" at all is just an illusion. Yes, we can "help" feel better, longer, but we can't "reverse" aging or keep up beyond what our genes and interests (I'm more scholarly than active so not as physically fit maybe as some my age might be) might dictate.

In my community there are many women 15-20 years older than I am who still dress in the latest styles, have their hair done, wonderful makeup, etc. but that's never been who I am so I'm just continuing to be me, to the best of my abilities and just staying tuned to what my body asks for. I have my regular doctor visits and get my fitness test each year with the personal trainer and stay active in the groups I'm interested in and leave it at that. Maybe you might want to journal what "thinking" you are old means to you, what message you are trying to tell yourself? If that were my problem I would give a shrug and ask myself, "So?"/"So you think you are old, so what?" I would call my thought's bluff and discount it rather than "worry" about it.

Of all of these things you do which provides the most sense of fullfilment?