[biiv]

ok i just tried the only national crisis line and got a man. i said wrong number and hung up. im not talking to a guy. i rang back several times. its engaged
i rang the rape crisis line. fecking engaged. i hate this crappy country!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[biiv]

right. well after trying both numbers twice again each thats pretty clear. fate is telling me im wasting someones time so im not going to bother again. night all.

[MyBestKids2]

wanna pm me?

[biiv]

ok i tried one more time and got through to the r*pe rcisis line. she said it was rape. i cant stop crying. why cant i tell anyone IRL?why did i do it? i couldnt even tell her about the earlier stuff to find out. this is probably the wrong forum. please move this. im sorry.

[January]

(((((((((((((( Biiv )))))))))))))

What can we do to help you, hon? Talk to us.

Hugs,

Jan

[biiv]

thanks Jan. just being here helps. truly. no one can fix things for me. much and all as id like that. but im so glad you are all here.
((((((((((((((((jan))))))))))))))))

[Bethsway]

I am here also biiv...hope you are feeling better now that you talked to someone!!

[biiv]

((((((((((((bethsway)))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((( biiv )))))))))))))))))

[biiv]

(((((((((((((((fuzzybear))))))))))))))))

[eskielover]

I hope you are going to be ok. You are in my prayers that you will be able to find what you need so you can feel better.

Take care of yourself,
Hugz,
Debbie

[biiv]

thanks Debbie. i feel a bit better after being away for a couple of day and am going away again tomorrow for another while. being busy keeps my mind off things. i appreciate your prayers.
thanks again,
biiv

[(JD)]

[MyBestKids2]

I am keeping you close in my thoughts

[Sabrina]

((((biiv)))) Sending you much strength.

[Soidhonia]

Hello (((BIIV))). I am sorry for your struggles at this time. I am sorry that you got the response from the hotline number that you got when you called for help. I hope you get some help from your therapist to help you get through this rough time that you are having, and I hope things get better for you soon (((BIIV))). PM anytime. soidhonia

[biiv]

(((((((((((((((sky))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((Dee))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((sabrina))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((soid)))))))))))))))

thank you all. went to T this afternoon. left shaking and had to fight against throwing up on the street all the way home. thought i was going to pass out. this sucks so much. am going to mardi gras this weekend and looking forward to numbing every thought in my brain with alcohol for five days straight. after that i should be too hung over to be able to obsess for a while. not a good coping strategy i know but things will get back to normal next week.
luv you all here on PC for the support you ve given me. thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[eskielover]

Biiv,

You are right.....not a good coping strategy. I hope that you know that whatever happened, you will be ok. I know it it hard when we feel we are responsible for something that happened to us. Why weren't we strong enough to not let that happen to us. Why weren't we wise enough not to get into the situation in the first place so that in couldn't happen.

We can beat ourselves up all over the place, but somethimes bad things happen that we can't help & even if we could, we weren't prepared for it anyway & sometimes we can't anticipate something nor do we even see it coming until WHAM!!!! we are right in the middle of the situation.

It isn't our fault that these bad things happen....& they are bad things that shouldn't be trivialized. When things happen.....all we can do from that point on is to learn from what happened & it can serve as a red flag for future situations & then we can protect ourselves because we are now wise. We can't know everything or how to handle everything without experience. Sometimes that experience hurts.....but if we truely learn from it, we will be much stronger in the future to fight it from happening again.

Hope this makes sense & may help put some of the emotions you are going through into perspective,
Debbie

[biiv]

thank you debbie. i cant really focus on this right now and i need to go pack and sleep anyway but i will come back and read it again when i get a chance because its something i need to think about.
((((((((((((debbie)))))))))))))) if you would like hugs.

[eskielover]

Thanks for the Hugs Biiv,

Hugs for you::: ((((((((((((((Biiv))))))))))))),
Debbie

[January]

(((((((((( biiv ))))))))))

I just thought you might need and extra hug.

Hugs,

Jan