family falling apart in a hurry -- positive vibes, please

Trigger warning for graphic animal cruelty

I was going to start with the scary stuff, but it's all scary.

One of my sisters had elective surgery today. Surgery went well, recovery did not. She's having breathing problems now. Don't know how long she will be in the hospital.

My mom was scheduled for a hip replacement (her 2nd) on the 21st. She went to get checked out pre-surgery. They discovered a problem with her aorta, told her she could die on the table if she undergoes anesthetic, and she needs heart surgery ASAP (not sure how they're going to get around anesthetic for that one....).

My mom is 78. She was my abuser. To say my feelings about this are mixed is a ginormous understatement.

My beautiful 19-year-old niece had been dating this guy, her first "real" bf, for 6 months. They went home for a weekend, during which the family dog went missing. Dutchess was an indoor/outdoor dog, so it wasn't too much of a concern for several hours, but the hours turned into days and she didn't pop up. Niece's bf even helped the family search for her.

Early last week, my SIL came home from work and was overwhelmed by the smell of dead dog. She and my brother searched the house top to bottom ... and found Dutchess, having been strangled to death, in the basement ceiling tiles. While Matt was helping the family search for her, he mentioned to my niece that he had been housesitting for friends a couple weeks earlier, and their dog died on him.

My brother immediately lit out for my niece's school, after calling a friend there and having her go get my niece and keep her till he could get there and put them up in a hotel. She is in a sorority, and he paid to have an alarm put on the sorority house. They got a restraining order against the bf. Niece goes to school in Wichita, Kan., which is home of the BTK Killer (serial killer) you probably all read about in the papers last year, and since that guy started out killing animals, they don't take it very lightly anymore. They brought the bf in and profiled him, determined he was not of serial killing mentality but definitely had a few screws loose.

Brother brought niece home for a week, they had some family time, buried the dog, and niece decided she wanted to go back to school there where her friends are, etc. Wichita cops told them to file charges in the county where they live, which they did, and so the county police are going to Wichita tomorrow to arrest the bf and bring him back to KC and bring charges. They said he will probably be able to post bond, but ultimately should end up with at least a year in prison.

I am SICK about this because, although I am closer to some of my other nieces and nephews, this girl is only 6 months older than my son. All her life, she's kind of been a window on his life for me; I would look at her and think that my boy must be doing the same things now, etc. She is an exceptionally attractive girl and, as teenage girls do, tends to dress to accentuate that, and that makes me worry about her anyway, but now I'm worried about what she's learned about relationships, etc.

I can't cope with this all at once........

Candy

candy oh gosh hon! you sure have a plate full right now. I am sorry you are going thru all this. (((hugs)))

I'm so sorry you're going through all this!! Keeping you in my thoughts and sending positive vibes dear Candy

(((((((((((((((( Candy )))))))))))))))

Oh my goodness!

((((((((((( Candy ))))))))))

I am so very sorry all this has happened to your family. My prayers and best wishes are with everyone.

Hugs,

Jan

((((((((((((((((((((((( candybear sweety ))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Take a deep cleansing breath my dear and let it out slowly. It sounds like your niece is being well taken care of by the family. I know it's such a hard thing to hear about and go through. Thank goodness the bf was found out so soon rather than much later! She has a chance at working through this and learning well from it. You are such a good aunt to be so concerned for her. I'm sure she appreciates you for that!

I can certainly understand your mixed emotions about your mom. Go with what your gut tells you on this issue hon. You can only do what you can do and no more than that. Take care of YOU through this.

Breathing problems do crop up sometimes from anesthesia. I pray your sister is well taken care of and that she will get through this quickly. I'm glad the surgery went well.

I know it seems like it's one thing after another at times. Right now you are dealing with so much. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers and hoping that you can lean on us when you need to.



sabby

((((((((((((((((((((Candy)))))))))))))))))

Wow you sure are having to deal with a lot right now! I'm so sorry to hear about everything ... hand in there hun. If there is anything that i can ever do please don't hesitate to contact me. We're all here for you

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Candy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Oh, SHEEEEESH! I don't know that I could deal with any of that myself right now! Here I am stressing over a neighbor that doesn't take hints and look at what you're having to deal with! I'm so sorry, Candy!

Of all of it, your niece worries me the most. She still has her whole life ahead of her.

Something you need to do for yourself and here I'm speaking of my own experience. Somehow you need to find a way to confront your mother before you can't anymore. The unresolved issues I had with mine is what drove me over the edge when she passed. At the time, I had no clue I had the issues I had and still...

The medical part of it, both for your sis and mom, doesn't worry me too much because medicine turns out miracles every day.

On second though, it's YOU that worries me the most. You've got a mental illness already. You don't need the crap you'll get when/if your mother passes without you having confronter her about your abuse.

It's up to you, Babe, but that would be my primary focus.

(((((((((((((((candybear)))))))))))))))))))))

i'm sorry i couldn't read your post....i can't handle animal cruelty!! thanks for the warning...

but i am DEFINITELY sending <font color="purple"> POSITIVE VIBES </font> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry that you're going through so much all at once. You're definitely in my thoughts and am sending positive vibes via cyberspace.

--splitimage

I'm really sorry for everything that has happened. I couldn't imagine having to endure that kind of pain, stress and angst right now!

Sending you positive vibes!!

(((CANDY)))

((((((((((((((candybear)))))))))))))))))))

just lett'n know i'm think'n about ya!

Dear Dear Candy

What a lot to go through. You have definetly got some terrible news. I am sending love, peaceful, and positive thoughts to you right now.

Dear Candy:

You certainly show strength through all of this. BUT if you feel the need to just let it all out then do so. Don't make the mistake I made in trying to always be strong. Give yourself permission to feel everything that you feel. If you have a person to confide in, whether that is a professional counsellor/therapist, best friend (online or in life) or another family member who is feeling the same as you, take that opportunity to share a moment and let yourself hurt, or fear, or express.

Everybody here is obviously rooting for you. We all send our support to you. Big hugs and well wishes to you and your family.

(((((((((((((((((((candybear)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
im so sorry you have so much on right now. i think you ve gotten great advice already on this thread. all i would add is just to keep reminding yourself of what you can control and what you cant.
hoping things get easier soon.
be gentle with yourself
biiv