[HalfDecentReality]

Okay so my therapist, psychiatrist, and psychologist ALL agree, there is something wrong with my mind. However, there are so many symptoms that they don't really know what, and I can't see them often enough (due to finance) to really find out.

So I'm looking for a second opinion here.
First the symptoms:
I'm schizophrenic, meaning I hear voices inside my head, not outside, have hallucinations, and can be extremely paranoid AT TIMES (not all the time) Though it's weird because these are the only 3 symptoms I have for schizophrenia other than the stacking of stress.

I have a schizoid personality type, I don't like going out, I prefer to be alone, and hate socializing, but for some reason feel the need to do it for my own health and to see other people laugh. (kills the boredom)

It's been suggested that I'm a borderline sociopath, because I have very little empathetic capacity and very little patience with being bored. I get angry when my plans don't work and when I have too much confidence and fail (as opposed to getting sad)

I am severely depressed, however I rarely notice because I'm not sad, ever. Sadness is converted to anger in my psyche and I have a constant pit of hate in my stomach. Its quite uncomfortable a lot of the time.

A cause of my depression appears to be anhedonia (though this is just self diagnosed, it's a pretty extreme diagnosis but it's all my weeks-worth of fruitless research have gotten me) as I get really bored of everything eventually in the days following my initial interest in it.

I don't trust the opposite sex, being women. However I almost feel as if its a severe NEED for me to be in a relationship with someone. This apparently shows that I WANT to trust an individual with my true emotions but have been constantly prank dated and cheated on so I've shut them out.

My voices are extremely malicious, they either want me to kill myself or to kill others at any given moment and there are six easily discernible voices. My hallucinations usually result from paranoia in the dark, where I have a blank, pitch black canvas to paint my imagination onto, except it feels entirely real.

My psychiatrist thinks my ADHD is the cause for all of this (not sure why but it's the med type I'm on right now cause of this)
My therapist thinks my issue is just straight up depression (due to some personality quizzes)
My psychologist thinks I'm schizophrenic and wants me on anti-psychotics (I've been on them before, they prevent me from feeling bored and hearing things but I also can't get any school/work done because I'm so sedated its almost like I'm dead)

At the moment I just kinda want to end it all, because I'm tired of these problems, and I've had them for a very long time. It feels like life is over and I pretty much missed all my chances to succeed in any avenue I was trying to. My GPA for college is kinda crap, (I say that but it was a 3.0 last semester) I feel like humanity is going to idiocy (I have NO patience for idiocy), and I REALLY feel like it's such a shame that I subconsciously no longer trust women in general. Just seems like, what am I even alive for? I have no goal and I'm only still here cause my mom doesn't want me to suicide and I apparently care about this. :1

If we can fix most of these problems I should be good 2 go for the rest of my life, anyway this is all I can remember at the moment, what do you think it is?

[Skeezyks]

Hello HalfDecentReality: I'm sorry I cannot comment with regard to your mental health symptoms. However I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[Cyllya]

So, the obnoxious thing about the psychiatric diagnostic system is that, while each condition is theoretically a distinct medical problem, they are diagnosed based on symptoms, not biological factors. Actually, whenever possible, they base it on the resulting behavior, rather than actual symptoms experienced by the patient. Depending on how you present or how you describe the problem, they may misunderstand what symptoms you even have! Further, there's some overlap in the symptoms/behavior of each condition, so if you have three problems, you'll probably meet the diagnostic criteria for at least five conditions.

So, here's various thoughts that occurred to me from reading your post:

Your description of the hallucinations makes me wonder if it's not psychosis but actually intrusive thoughts? It's common with primarily obsessional OCD, but it can be a result of other conditions too (including regular OCD).

You mentioned schizoid personality type. Do you mean introversion? (Introverts just like a lot of solitude. They like interacting with people too, just in smaller amounts than some other people. Interacting with others can be exhausting in large amounts, while solitude is refreshing. Introverts are probably more likely to have hobbies they can do by themselves.) I've noticed that many introverted people end up with the idea that something is horribly freakish and wrong with themselves just because they are introverted... even though it's an incredibly normal personality trait with about 50% of the population being introverted. (It seems like they get their anti-introvert ideas because their parents or other important people in their childhood were extroverted and criticized them for having introvert preferences.) Shyness, social anxiety, and schizoid PD all involve some degree of fear; they can occur with or without introversion. If you feel like introversion is a problem and describe it to the mental health folks like it's a problem, they might start thinking along the lines of schizoid PD.

Even though the diagnostic criteria seems totally different, there is a tendency for ADHD to be really really similar the "high functioning" forms of autism spectrum disorder (and Asperger's syndrome). Since you (possibly?) have ADHD, consider anything I say about autism in this post to apply to you.

The word "empathy" can mean at least five different things, and those things get conflated stupidly often.

• If you don't care about other people's feelings at all (e.g. you would be okay with making some innocent person suffer if it caused some kind of material benefit to you, and you wouldn't even feel bad), that's sociopathy.
• If you have trouble (greater difficulty than most people have) identifying other people's current emotions based on their facial expression, tone of voice, etc, that's totally different from sociopathy. It's a common issue with autism (and therefore ADHD) and social pragmatic communication disorder.
• If you have difficulty (greater difficulty than most people have) imagining other people's point of view, that also seems kind of autism-related.
• If you accidentally do mean things because you go from idea to action without stopping to realize it's a bad idea, that's an impulse-control issue, probably from ADHD.
• If you feel annoyed when someone is complaining incessantly about some issue that you can't sympathize with, that's probably normal.

Sometimes this confusion causes weird ideas like "trouble identifying other people's emotions = effectively evil," even though that makes no sense.

I'd consider anhedonia a symptom or feeling rather than a condition or diagnostic label. It's when you're so sad or apathetic (or angry) that you can't enjoy anything and therefore aren't interested in anything. If you lose interest in things you used to enjoy but you also become interested in new things around the same time, that's practically the opposite of anhedonia, and it's a common problem with ADHD. (Having ADHD myself, including this issue of frequently changing interests, I suspect my problem isn't actually that I lose interest more often than most people but rather that I have trouble persisting on projects after the initial enthusiasm has worn off.)

Difficulty with boredom, plans, and over-confidence are potentially all related to ADHD.

If you've had several bad experiences with other people in certain situations (prank dates and cheating), it can cause some social anxiety or trust issues regarding similar situations. (It's the same way punishment works, except worse. Or, the same way PTSD works, except probably less bad.) Not sure if they'll even want to give you an actual diagnosis for that, but I believe social anxiety disorder can apply to certain situations only, even if you aren't anxious in all social situations.

I'm not diagnosed with anything accounting for this, but I have symptoms along the lines of the hypersensitive variety of sensory processing disorder (which is not recognized by the American Psychiatric Association or in the DSM). These symptoms used to cause me some severe rage issues. Nowadays, my coping techniques keep the anger at controllable levels or non-existent, although I still have other difficulties from the symptoms.

Here's some examples of dumb questions that sometimes occur on psychiatric screening questionnaires:

• "I have little to no interest in things that I used to enjoy." - This is trying to identify anhedonia (not having interest in anything). If you have switched to being interested in other things, it doesn't really apply.
• Things like "I feel hopeless" or "I believe that I will fail at almost everything I try" or anything related to being sad - This will get associated with depression, even if you are saying yes because crippling executive dysfunction (ADHD) is making your life stupidly difficult.
• "I sometimes hear or see things that others don't hear or see." - This is trying to identify hallucinations/psychosis, not to be confused with noticing existent things that other people don't notice.
• "I sometimes vomit after I eat." - It means deliberately. If you have some kind of gastrointestinal issue that makes you vomit when you don't want to, that doesn't count.
• "I [do some activity] more than I should." - This will get flagged as some kind of issue or addiction related to that activity, even if you have executive dysfunction (ADHD, autism) or other issue that causes you to do various things more than you should.
• "People talk about me behind my back." - If you believe those people talk about everyone behind their back, it probably doesn't count.

Some questionnaires were made a long time ago and might reflect older values or language choices. For example, when I read the NPI-40 (narcissistic personality index, for measuring narcissistic personality disorder ) I find myself thinking that most of the answers indicating NPD are common, non-pathological, and not really useful for detecting NPD.

[HalfDecentReality]

The wikipedia stuff is probably the best possible thing you could have linked me!

Of course I'd just quote it but I apparently need 10 posts on here to put links in my post.

Originally Posted by Cyllya

You mentioned schizoid personality type. Do you mean introversion? (Introverts just like a lot of solitude. They like interacting with people too, just in smaller amounts than some other people. Interacting with others can be exhausting in large amounts, while solitude is refreshing. Introverts are probably more likely to have hobbies they can do by themselves.) I've noticed that many introverted people end up with the idea that something is horribly freakish and wrong with themselves just because they are introverted... even though it's an incredibly normal personality trait with about 50% of the population being introverted. (It seems like they get their anti-introvert ideas because their parents or other important people in their childhood were extroverted and criticized them for having introvert preferences.) Shyness, social anxiety, and schizoid PD all involve some degree of fear; they can occur with or without introversion. If you feel like introversion is a problem and describe it to the mental health folks like it's a problem, they might start thinking along the lines of schizoid PD.

No no trust me I know the difference. I see being introverted as a personal win since a lot of my interests go along well with it. I took an official personality test at my therapist's behest and it showed my most prominent personality type as being schizoid. Its not bad or anything I just mentioned it in case it helped with diagnosis.

Originally Posted by Cyllya

Even though the diagnostic criteria seems totally different, there is a tendency for ADHD to be really really similar the "high functioning" forms of autism spectrum disorder (and Asperger's syndrome). Since you (possibly?) have ADHD, consider anything I say about autism in this post to apply to you.

It has been suggested that I may have Asperger's syndrome since I used to have a heck of a time trying to figure out how to talk and act in society. I didn't even have a sense of humor till 5th grade. Used to think yo mama jokes were serious insults heh. A lot of my friends say my actions are all very exaggerated and it's because I learned most of my social norms from watching sitcoms when I was younger.
I also used to hate fiction. Much preferred non-fiction or biography for some reason. This was until I discovered an immersive non-kid's fiction named Maximum Ride. It sucked me in and changed my view forever.

Originally Posted by Cyllya

The word "empathy" can mean at least five different things, and those things get conflated stupidly often.

• [1.]If you don't care about other people's feelings at all (e.g. you would be okay with making some innocent person suffer if it caused some kind of material benefit to you, and you wouldn't even feel bad), that's sociopathy.
  [2.]If you have trouble (greater difficulty than most people have) identifying other people's current emotions based on their facial expression, tone of voice, etc, that's totally different from sociopathy. It's a common issue with autism (and therefore ADHD) and social pragmatic communication disorder.
  [3.]If you have difficulty (greater difficulty than most people have) imagining other people's point of view, that also seems kind of autism-related.
  [4.]If you accidentally do mean things because you go from idea to action without stopping to realize it's a bad idea, that's an impulse-control issue, probably from ADHD.
  [5.]If you feel annoyed when someone is complaining incessantly about some issue that you can't sympathize with, that's probably normal.

Hmm, its like a combination of 1, 2, 3, and 5(I used to have 4 as a problem as well, before the sitcoms). I probably only have friends because they think my point of view is hilarious. Not sure why. Bullying left a huge impression on me so it would be safe to say that I try to be nice to people for my own sake. I don't want to give them a reason to annoy me and having more friends can always be beneficial. If I see someone as a bully I will immediately stop being nice, and go to my real, callous self when talking to them. It seems to surprise a lot of people when they see me kind of 'switch off' my expression and speak in a monotone all suddenly and such.

Originally Posted by Cyllya

I'd consider anhedonia a symptom or feeling rather than a condition or diagnostic label. It's when you're so sad or apathetic (or angry) that you can't enjoy anything and therefore aren't interested in anything. If you lose interest in things you used to enjoy but you also become interested in new things around the same time, that's practically the opposite of anhedonia, and it's a common problem with ADHD.

Well I would say you're right if I could go back to the things I lost interest in. However, once I lose interest in something its pretty much a done deal. I will always be bored when trying to do that something. Who knows? Maybe one day I'll suddenly go back to animating and programming. That'd be pretty cool, but I could only do it as a hobby.

Though this makes me curious. Does that mean the dose of Strattera I'm on isn't working? I'm currently on 80mg but I've been told it'll go up to 100mg if it doesn't work. I figured all it was doing was increasing attention span but if that isn't the case then do I need more or do I need a better medication?

Let's say I have homework. I do not enjoy doing homework, and typically I could only work on it for no more than 5 minutes (if I don't enjoy the subject) before getting too squeamish and having to eat or take some sort of break. With this dose of Strattera, that 5 minutes has increased to a good few hours. Probably at most I'd say it'd be 3 hours. However after that 3 hours I'm COMPLETELY zonked! I won't be able to do anything requiring mental strain for another hour after that IF I take a nap. With no nap it'll take 5 hours of break time MINIMUM. So is this stuff working or will I need a higher dose?

Originally Posted by Cyllya

If you've had several bad experiences with other people in certain situations (prank dates and cheating), it can cause some social anxiety or trust issues regarding similar situations. (It's the same way punishment works, except worse. Or, the same way PTSD works, except probably less bad.) Not sure if they'll even want to give you an actual diagnosis for that, but I believe social anxiety disorder can apply to certain situations only, even if you aren't anxious in all social situations.

This, after a little therapy I quickly came to realize that I have a certain flashback in a set of specific circumstances that throws me into a searing hot rage. Literally cannot control my actions anymore. At the very least I will throw a large object at anyone nearby. This situation is one time in 7th grade, I got made fun of for the past 3 school years and was close to snapping from all of the bullying. They liked to call me Roscoe for reasons I can't express without releasing my real name. It annoyed the crap outta me and I would get pretty mad if anyone called me that, even at this moment.

So a substitute teacher is in and calls my name to tell whether or not I'm present. Everyone in the class starts saying "Oh his nickname is Roscoe, he loves that name, call him that." I constantly object to this claim, yet the sub STILL proceeds to call me that. I get angry and begin to yell at one of my classmates (him being the one advocating the name the most) and the sub tells me to go to the office. Everyone laughs, the laughter rings in my ears and I lose complete control. Threw my desk at the chalk board.

Later, in high school (junior year) I was presented with the same circumstances. Everyone was laughing at me because the teacher told me to stop doing something (in this case it was me talking even though everyone was talking) and everyone began laughing HYSTERICALLY, why? I don't know. But I flash-backed to that day in middle school and threw my metal stool at one of my bullys' leg (Yes, even then I had bullies, american school disciplinary system has harsher punishment for throwing a chair at a guy's leg than it has for smoking weed at school.) leaving a huge gash where the chair hit. I was extremely satisfied and had to drop out the next week because the secondary school they sent me to had a bully from my middle school in it.

Got my GED immediately after tho

His parents wanted me to apologize but I quickly turned that inside-out and made no apology since I'm totally okay with what I did, since I benefited from it by graduating a year early. (I wouldn't apologize even if I got put on trial lmao)

Anyway, would that count as PTSD or is it just a strange circumstance of my existence?