[panda165]

I feel like my mind is going crazy. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I have ideas of being just majorly depressed, or not, I really dont know. Everything is confusing to me;I dont know what is right or wrong; real or fake (reality); who I am; what my problem is. There are times when I have been happy with my life to an extent and then I start to think... I start to feel unsure of what I am feeling. Even if I show signs of being happy, sad, angry, scared I cannot tell if I really feeling that way. I always thought of my ways of thinking and actions are just an excuse to get out of things because I do things to benefit myself and avoid the things I hate. But at the same time, maybe it is self-habits, I cant stop what I am feeling. Emotions, feelings, my whole life is confusing to me. Each and every day I feel I am trying to do something to impress someone, to fit in. Even if I do have depression, I would act that way to my friend who knows about it. Then when I am in a happy environment I become this weird, funny person. I keep trying to find out what is wrong with me, but it just gets more confusing and frustrating. I have great friends, I think, well I am grateful to have them. But at the same time, I always feel a sense of loneliness, ignored, alienated. When I am around people, I would feel that they hate me, dislike me in a way, pity me. And, honestly, I really cannot stand the way I judge someone because no one likes to be judged and I dont want to misjudge them. But I feel that I have no control over my mind and feelings. And I hate myself even more just thinking why I cant be sure of what I am. Someone could be sure of having bipolar issues and I feel that I keep thinking I MIGHT have it just because someone else has it. My whole like has always consisted of impressing someone, trying to fit in, copying someone. And I try and use whatever method to distract myself from thinking those things, because once I start to think all hell breaks loose in my head. I just keep hating myslef for being like this and I am not sure of what is wrong with me. This was just a brief bio of my problems.........

[Unrigged64072835]

I would say seeing a mental health professional would help with the distorted thinking.

[avlady]

yes please get emotional help

[Rainstoppedplay]

It seems you dont know who you are, or what you like or dislike.
I was like that, for me I was never 'seen' or 'heard' as a child, pretty much ignored really.
Mother let it known she thought me stupid, fat, lazy, ugly.
Never 'fantastic' compared with my older sister, smart, attractive, sassy, extrovert and powerful, mother adored her. Odd because sis was actually a hard nosed loud mouth b##ch.
I was the scapegoat, laughed at, dumped on.
I never knew who I was or what I liked. Boy, I HATED myself. No ego, no self esteem. Sometimes I would look in the mirror and wonder 'Whos that?'

Sounds like your family is a tad dysfuntional and you are struggling with it. I dont know how old you are? cos my advice would be to get away from home asap. It sounds like a very toxic enviroment. Hard to be healthy in a toxic place.
I know who I am now, I know what colour I like, the people I like and why. Self esteem is the secret. You have no self esteem. This can change.
Can you see your doctor and have a chat with them? If you can't explain write a note and give that to the doc (thats what I do)

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you're going through this.