[Thetrueme]

To be honest one of the issues is finding the issue itself.I feel like everything i do is for the purpose of impressing others or making myself look cool(Ex. I'm staying in my room playing the guitar and some random girl,generally good looking, enters the house.Next thing i know i start singing and playing louder and putting more passion into it.).When hanging out with my friends or in a group of people i want to always be the best at everything we talk about.I watch myself a lot in the mirror,sometimes i think i look good,other times not so much.It hurts me when people talk bad or judge me.It's very hard for me to stay motivated or do something consistently,i feel like I lose interest very fast in everything i start doing(Ex.Some sport,reading a book etc.), even now i dont feel like finishing this description.I should be frequenting my forth 'Scuola superiore' year but i don't feel like going because it's boring and it's better to stay in my room watching some random youtube videos even though my parents don't allow it,so sometimes i hide into the closet or just go to my friend's house pretending im going to school.Most of the time i don't even know what day it is,not to talk about the date.I have a bad relationship with my family,i can never compliment them or say something nice to them even though i want to,i think this is due to trying to look tough for some reason i don't understand,maybe i don't like to look weak and fragile or maybe cause i hate myslef that much that i dont feel like i have the right to be loved (I always answear to them in a arrogant way, like "Leave me alone or dont touch me when my mom tries to hug me").Sometimes i cry at night thinking about the words i said to someone or how i hurt them,i hate the feelings i get after hurting someone even if that might have been the right choice(Ex.Defending my brother from some guy and having to hurt him).I spend a lot of time playing videogames(League of legends mostly),like an addictiont! This affects my relationships aswell.I am more prone to anger and on the edge after or during a game.I am also addicted to masturbation and normal porn doesn't arouse me anymore.Also i can't stay focused(Ex. I start reading some literature for school and after like 20 min i find myslef thinking about completely random things and completely having forgot about the book i have in my face).I want to clarify that im in my twenties and still didn't finish school or started to work im basically a pain in the back of my parents,which don't mind me being a pain because they love me.

Oh man!!My life is such a mess!
I just want help to live the life i always wanted to live,to help my parents,to travel,to love and to be loved,to be myself,the true me,the real me and this problems are literally having me in chains.HELP!!

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate so much to this.. I'm 18, I'm from Italy and I know exactly how you feel.. I'm really sorry you're struggling so much

Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist?

[Thetrueme]

Grazie per la risposta!

No,i didn't.I will try contacting one as soon as possible.I just hope i can stay motivated enough to do it,and not to slip back into my dead mood of being(Closed in my own world,thinking that this me is the real me and not doing anything about it-just watching my life from the spectator's point of view).

Anyway thank you for the quick reply!I do believe that anything is possible and that every problem can be solved!
Have a great day,ciao!

[Thetrueme]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I can relate so much to this.. I'm 18, I'm from Italy and I know exactly how you feel.. I'm really sorry you're struggling so much

Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist?

Grazie per la risposta!

No,i didn't.I plan on doing it though.I just hope i can stay motivated long enough to actually do it before i slip back into my dead mood of being(Closed in my own world,not giving a damn about anyone or anything,basically just seeing my life from the spectator's point of view).

Thank you for the reply.I do believe that anything is possible and that any problem can be solved.

Have a great day!Ciao!

[Thetrueme]

Ooops!Rewrote the message,thought the website lagged

The need to impress a random girl sounds totally normal--I have seen male classmates and coworkers do this a lot. The video game addiction and lack of motivation might be a symptom of another serious issue like depression, ADHD or something else that a psychiatrist or therapist could help you with. My son likes League of Legends as well and once told me that more people play this video game than any other game worldwide. I find it interesting that more males seem to get addicted to video games than females. It's only an addiction if it is interferring with important activities or goals in your life. What is hard about being addicted to League of Legends is that it is on the internet and many of us have to use the internet in order to go to school or do our jobs! I hope you can find he strength to go hug your mom or do some school work soon. If you can find a way to do what you know you need to do--you will feel much better about yourself. Ask for help if you can't do this.....

[MickeyCheeky]

Hope you'll be able to get the help you need and deserve! We'll be here when you need support..

[Thetrueme]

Hey thank you for taking your time answering to this!
Guess ill go see a psychiatrist,see where it goes from there.Have a great day or night