Warning - this is a heavy one (at least for me). Proceed with cautious.
This is also a venting thread, but those are my feelings, and I want to value them.

I hate successful and happy people.
They create a center of attention, they are "there for you" because they feel like good people (because of their muse of wellness) and don't want that karma title ruined, they succeed in everything they do (or at least broadcast it), they don't talk about personal struggles, just about what they like and hate, or what they say they like or hate. They hate victims and they hate people who give them a bad feeling although doing nothing to them.
I hate being helped without asking for it. It makes me feel horribly inferior. Being scolded for my condition.
And when I want to leave such people, I have a counter-me inside my head telling me "But you'll probably miss all the good things in them".
But the truth in me goes like this: They take a path of self-growth, are unaware of others as much as their own growth. They are not aware of how they make others feel, yet broadcast that they are good to have in life, because who wouldn't want to be around a flourishing flower? They always want to improve to understand, but what about those who feel horrible? Why won't they fight for them, take a path with them? They just want to understand.
"Help me help you", deep down feels like "Help me further learn and grow in my life. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to treat you just as you want, young lad. Just don't treat me badly because that would be a bad thing for you."
Well, it's because of my ego, which wants to do things on its own, without the guidance of egos and agendas. I don't want a lending hand without asking for it. I want a mutual lending of hands.

This writing is messy, sorry for that. But I'm going through horrible thoughts and feelings, I feel distorted, and I blame those who succeed in life, because I feel people like me are victims of the successful in a very indirect way, not victims of themselves as the rest love to portrait because it suits their growth lifestyle.
I can't move on. I see a successful person and I can go thinking "That person has probably mistreated a bullied kid when he was young because he wanted to get along with the popular bullies."
By the way, I sometimes have bad thoughts about psychology and psychiatry because of this. They say the victim is the problem and that the victim needs to deal with his problems, rather than saying the hidden mental bullying is wrong.
Science justifies evil nature by saying "It's human nature, it has science evidences normalizing it, therefore it's ok".

[VanGore28]

I read your rant and it struck a chord with me. I used to feel because I was very shy as a kid and teen that everyone was always trying to give me advise on how to be otherwise. My loud and gregarious friends used to think they had it sorted and shyness was a disease. Id get your a closed book, you never get excited, you need a boyfriend(I'm a gay girl), you need this, you need that. One suggesting I was autistic(I'm not far from it) My mum said id never be anything because I wasn't confident enough. Any my biological father used to say I didn't have enough energy about me.....

Originally Posted by VanGore28

I read your rant and it struck a chord with me. I used to feel because I was very shy as a kid and teen that everyone was always trying to give me advise on how to be otherwise. My loud and gregarious friends used to think they had it sorted and shyness was a disease. Id get your a closed book, you never get excited, you need a boyfriend(I'm a gay girl), you need this, you need that. One suggesting I was autistic(I'm not far from it) My mum said id never be anything because I wasn't confident enough. Any my biological father used to say I didn't have enough energy about me.....

I'll try to reply as calmly as possible, since I can't find inner peace right now.

My brother also thinks he has it all sorted out. My other previous best friends, too. I also feel the same about energy. I feel like I lack energy for life because of my troubling thoughts about me vs reality. With narcissism increasing, I feel the world is becoming less "me and the world" and more "me vs the world". It's sad. One of my close friends turned this way, he mentally abused me for some time until it reached a point where I was devastated and cut him off. I don't really feel like being positive and "wish him well". I feel like the right thing to do is hope he'll have a miserable life for hurting and mentally abusing so many people in his wake.
Thank you for replying to me, I feel the same about not wanting to experience fun. It feels like running away from personal problems, or a trap for mental carnivores.
I don't know how much energy you really have to you, since I developed a mindset which goes "if someone tells something bad about yourself, it's wrong", but assuming we both lack energy - I'm giving you a hug so we can fill each other with energy of our own.

Now for my continuing venting:

People just don't know who to attack, it's a horrible shame. It feels to me there can't be mental wellness in a disgusting narcissistic capitalistic society, where people bite each other to gain accelerating pride towards the throne of Director (CEO, research, whatever).
Society glorifies novel prizes for instance, but it's the lack of awareness of the ones who helped with the research. "Nah, who cares about the ones who helped with the research. What matters is the almighty sacred intelligent one, who had the vision. The other PhD's? Who cares."
My point - I hate it when people are dismissed from credit!

Oh and look - I hardly have friends in real life, so what's the point of the understanding of the mental-carnivore society, when you're all alone?

I really REALLY want to let this out in public, people are becoming increasingly narcissistic, increasingly isolated and increasingly bottled, hence communications are becoming increasingly plastic and computered.
Heck, reading through articles, it seems to me that therapists have to tell oblivious self-absorbed controllers how to be there for someone who is struggling. It's like teaching a robot how to be a human carer, except sadly, that robot is a HUMAN!

I have allot to vent, allot of personal and interpersonal struggles.
I hope to find my own inner peace and solitude without the need of others.
I hope to find someone to share a life with as a mark of "as human beings we should live together, not alone". I also personally hope that someone will be a female, so that instead of going away from each other because we're strange to one another (male vs female), we celebrate our differences as a sign of a will for ever-deepening peace and love together, and see our struggles as different genders as the eventual will to be together, instead of apart.
If you're wondering, I have struggles to bond with women, but a high will for it because I eventually want a partnership for life, and from loneliness I increasingly learn that we eventually want someone to share a path with us. It doesn't feel realistic since it has a sanctuary feel to it, but at those times of struggles, at those times of hard feelings of loneliness, mutual love and care is all you want.
The thought of having deep and life-lasting love calms myself. But there are many things about reality I feel are pushing this lifestyle away from us - divorces, extreme feminism, breakups, narcissism... Makes you know that true love requires searching, not just surfing with the flow.

Thank you for listening.
I feel vulnerable venting and writing all this, but we need to be comfortable being vulnerable with each other without being hurt. Some of my friends have failed to show that - attacking my vulnerabilities. For that those specifics will probably not here from me again in the long-term.