[Eussy91]

Hello everyone.
I am rather new to this whole forums thing so please forgive me if i make any mistakes, ill be sure to correct them if pointed out.
Anyway i am 17 years old and am safe to say i have had a pretty rough childhood and just last year due to a sour relationship between me and my father (Whom i was living with because i had been taken off my mother by child and youth protection services) i have moved out and moved into my Girlfriends house, which is actually a nice place. Except i now have terrible anxiety. Going and having dinner is a worry, having to strike up conversation with siblings or parents is difficult for me, and that's just my anxiety. I am going to mention i have been suffering from substance abuse for over a year now also. So it's been about a year or just over since i first recognized my anxiety and just lately i have been noticing new things... Things that i personally feel have always been there, however i never really realized them.
I have been suffering from repetitive actions and words (For some reason can't stop saying the word "No' and "Nah". I put them into my sentences every chance i get, i say them with more expression as if im throwing the word at someone, if that makes any sense. Its very hard to control, like i am okay for say a good fraction of the day, but then i remember and this thought is very hard to forget or get rid of, this thought of saying "nah". It feels as if saying it relieves me for a moment but this thought stays and the urge and temptation comes back almost instantly. This urge is pretty hard to control and it annoys the absolute **** out of my girlfriend which i am ashamed about.. And if it helps i can recall several other situations in my childhood in which i have had these urges controlled by thoughts.
I get intrusive thoughts, sometimes its rather disturbing and i just sit there for a moment and think to myself "what the f**k". It almost feels as if this thought of saying repetitive words is intrusive also.
One more thing i have noticed is my panic from strange and irrational anxious thoughts, say i was in a uncomfortable situation, usually being outside alone at nighttime will set me off, anyway i start looking around anxiously, worrying someone is creeping around and is going to seriously hurt me. I picture scenarios of whatever i am doing, but then something terrible like being killed happening to me, this will send me into a rather bad panic and it's horrible. I know there's nothing to be scared of but i still cant help but panic. In one case i went over to my dads to find him not home, and a window was open so i stuck my head in and looked around, only form of light i had was a phone and then a thought struck me... What if someone pulls me from behind out of the window..What if my dads hiding/ creeping around and have caught me peeping around, and i literally started to panic and went home...
I feel so lost and confused i often drown the pain of my mental problems with painkillers and opiates. I smoke marijuana 3 or 4 days a week also.
Please help me or just give me some suggestions... anything is appreciated really.. :/
Thanks heaps
Nathaniel

[possum220]

As this is your first post welcome to PC

I feel for you. Is there a doctor you can talk to in real life? We can't diagnose here. I do hope that you can find support and information here.
I often find it helpful to write things down just to get them out of my head.

[worrist]

+1 on writing stuff down.

Write it down and go back and read what you wrote at a later time. I know this helps me evaluate and put into perspective what I was really thinking when I'm having a panic attack. I tend to blow things out of proportion.

Good luck to you. I would suggest finding someone you can talk to or perhaps even a therapist.

Please find a good doc!

I don't like pushing meds, but meds may help you. I have issues with intrusive thoughts too. At one point I was on a daily med. I've improved and I'm to the point where I only take the MDD when the thoughts are getting out of control which only happens rarely. Hugs.

[MickeyCheeky]

Welcome! I'm sorry you're struggling Do you see a doctor?

Also, I'm 18

I reiterate above.

We are not in a position to make a diagnosis.

Similarly I discourage you from trying to diagnose yourself. The internet is good for researching but should never be used for self diagnosis.

I have several suggestions of actions I encourage you to make:

1. Seek out your school guidance counsellor. They can support you, provide some resources, and even get things started with seeing a doctor. If communicating with your parents is an issue the guidance counsellor can help you with that too.

2. Make an appointment with a family doctor. You are old enough to do so without parental permission. You are also old enough that a doctor must keep confidential your records if you wish them to do so. A family doctor will get the ball rolling. They can assess whether a larger problem is at hand and take action accordingly. This usually means referring you to a psychiatrist.

I see you are from NZ which I am very sure has a public healthcare system much lije -or even better I hear - than Canada. So, don't worry about trying to wade through the waters of payment, etc. Seeing a psychiatrist is free. When it comes to therapy there are psychologists available in the public system too. Don't let worry about financies prevent you from getting some help.

Are you able to discuss these matters with a parent?

3. Your local branch of the Mental Health Association will also be a great resource of information too.

[Edwin1392]

I suffer from bad anxiety also. It sounds like you had a really tough childhood which I can relate to. It sounds like you are scared of things that may not really be happening bur apparently things have happened to you that caused anxiety. I think that it is a natural response to be filled with fear after what you have through. Of course I am nit a doctor but it sounds like your body is just reacting to everything that has happened. Give yourself permission to have the feelings and not be scared if them. They won't kill you. Just allow yourself to feel them but of course I think you should probably go see a psychologist. It's unbelievable that you have been through soo much at such a young age. But have faith you will get through it. You are recognizing it and talking about it. That is huge. Hive yourself a hug and good luck. Lol