A little update on my mental health

I have been feeling a little better. I had a little breakdown today but only because stress starting rushing to me. I do think I should still seek therapy, though.
I still sometimes wish my life played out differently so i wouldn't have ended up this way. I know i'm only 16 but i was deprived of things that i probably needed. Like real friends, support, and well. Attention. My living situation isn't well now either, as i'm not allowed to go anywhere unless it's with my family. I live with a gma and have since i was a few months old. Growing up, i was put on high standards and everyone expected the best from me. When my grades fell in 9th grade, i wasn't encouraged to do better i was just scolded. She still does it now (i'm in 12th grade). I'm kinda cooped up in this house haha.
i get jealous of those who have friends. I have trouble making them still. always choose the wrong ones.
Anyways, enough back story. I don't have much of an appetite anymore. I still eat but it's not very enjoyable. I've been a little more tired through the day. Still moody. My self esteem is extremely low still- I often bursts out of no where saying I hate myself and I can't do anything right at this point hah Suicide thoughts are less often. It used to come multiple times a day (even though i still contemplate it)
so yeah. i might seek therapy

Hi, tumblr, and welcome to Psych Central! Yeah, I think therapy would be good. I wish I started it earlier than I did. Maybe I could have avoided lots of problems. I have learned to deal with the cards I was given through therapy. It's literally been a life saver. When you can escape from home, remember that it's your life and it's up to you to make the best of it!

Hello....
tumblr how are you....everyone is your friend in psychcentral....don't feel bad trying to always be happy. and keep doing your treatment. God bless you keep smiling.

I'm glad things are improving a little bit.. take baby steps and yeah, seek a therapist if you can

Do you have someone at school to talk to like a guidance counsellor. They are in a position to get things rolling - with or without your parent's permission. Similarly, you are old enough now to make your own medical decisions. Your family can't stop you from going to your family doctor and asking for a referral to a psychiatrist (my recommendation) or a psychologist. Find out the number to the kid's help line in your state/country. Find out a crisis line number locally.

Finally, suicidal thoughts and ideation are serious. Do you feel able to or have access to get to an emergency room? If not the crisis line should be able to help you with that.

In the meantime, I want to say your story really touched a nerve with me about my own mother and my lack of self worth. I only wish I had addressed the situation then instead of waiting until I was 48. You are worth being a friend and it is okay to make mistakes and not be perfect. One of the things I wish I had done - in addition to reaching out for help at school - was to talk to my mother and ask her why was it important to her that my marks be perfect?

yeah, i have access to my high school's therapist any time. i'm just rly. scared haha lots of anxiety about the whole thing.