How realistic is this?

When I have spoken about how my friend with mental health problems has behaved hurtfully etc, and now cut off all contact ,people have ssaid things along the lines of-"she'll realise in time what a good friend she lost","She lost a better friend than you did,one day she'll see that"etc etc. Are people just being nice to me ?Does this ever happen-ie that someone does realise they lost a good friend,regrets it and does something about it? I'm not sure it's realistic-anyone know of this happening in real life,?

I believe it is realistic that she will realize she lost a good friend. But whether or not she decides to act on it, well.........I can't say. I know I've lost good friends over the years, realized it, but out of shame and embarrassment, have kept quiet.

I wondered about that-the trouble is of course is that it kind of means it'll be down to me to make the move but how do I know the right time ,whether she does want the friendship?Having said that-this particular person is capable (despite depression etc) of going to any lengths to pursue someone if they want to-eg travelling a long way to meet with someone they'd formed an online relationship with-so maybe I should just leave it to her to act after all?

I would definitely leave it up to her...you've invested alot of quality time and faith in this friendship. Sometimes, its just hard to let go all together. Good luck!

Yes, I think this happens.

Hi Impala

It's possible it could take her 20 years to look back and miss the good friendship you shared. It's also possible she might not view your friendship as good as you do. Unfortunately, it's even possible she'll never even think of you again. Is she worth putting your life on hold for?

When I attended my 20-year high school reunion, I met someone I used to ride the bus with. We chatted on occasion, but that was it. He told me he lived for those moments on the bus with me - he thought of me often and attended the reunion just to see me again. I felt kind of bad because I hardly remembered him and obviously never even thought about him.

It looks to me like you're wasting your time thinking of your friend. I would definitely wait for her to make the next move, but I certainly wouldn't hold my breath in the meantime. Focus on yourself and other friends you have currently in your life - don't risk losing them to the one who "got away."

Some friendships aren't meant to be forever, so chalk it up to experience. In the future, when it comes to your heart/feelings, don't give away what you can't afford to lose.

Anything is possible, but not something we can force to happen....it's up to them & their timing if it is to happen at all. It's hard to let go of something that meant a lot to you & you thought meant a lot to her. But sometimes we have to just step back & let things happen as they will no matter how hard it is to let go.

Be kind to yourself, knowing it isn't something you did. Go on with other friends & if & when the time is right, you may hear from her again.

Debbie

I know this is true-I guess I was just thinking that if she did regret it but through shame or embarrassment felt unable to get in touch that would be unfortunate as the friendship would be lost just because neither of us made the effort-especially given that she's ill.Having said that I could equally say,ill or not,she's always made an effort for something or someone (usually a sexual partner though),if she really wants to.

maybe she isn't really in the place to be able to face up to how you have felt hurt in response to her behaviour. that is sad because it means that she isn't being there for you when you need her to be.

sometimes we need to decide for ourself how much it is worth our trying to repair things with that person and how much we would be better off trying to find other friendships where we are more likely to get our emotional needs met.

i guess i'd have a think about the benefits that i get from the relationship and weigh some of the hurts against those. if she kept doing the things that hurt you... could you cope with that in order to get some of the benefits of the friendship or would it not be worth it to you?

good luck with whatever you decide.

hey impala,
personally i feel that if you feel the friendship is worth that much to you it cant hurt anything to contact her (email her if you can or write her a letter etc) telling her exactly how you feel. what your expectations of the friendship are and how you feel about how things have gone so far. in this case honesty might just be the best policy because either she is going to appreciate it and act accordingly or she is going to be offended and continue to be silent. there s nothing to lose really.
if its not worth it to you then of course dont make the effort. recently i have been reestablishing contact with two people that i more or less lost contact with several years ago but honestly i think that is unusual and a bit of a fluke. also a benefit of bebo and facebook. lol. but in my experience it is rare for someone to come back and accept that they want to reestablish a friendship after it has been broken off.
btw regarding my friend in my thread that you answered, she emailed me and seems to want to keep being friends but im still very wary. we ll see.
i really empathise. ((((((((((((((impala)))))))))))))))) if you would like hugs.
biiv

There is another possibility that biiv didn't mention. The good point of writing something down is that it is there to go back over & over.....maybe she might not be ready for anything right now, but with the words being writen down rather than spoken, they exist as you say them on into the future when she might be ready to respond.

There isn't anything wrong in reaching out without applying any pressure.....just letting her know that you are there & will be there when ever she is ready (if ever) to continue the friendship.

Go for it...you have nothing to loose,
Debbie