something good but sad

my mum told me she thinks there s probably more of my uncles traits in me than my fathers i.e. i seem more like him sometimes than my father. i have blonde hair. my fathers was red but my mothers brother was blonde too. i have thin hair. all my fathers side have thick hair but my mothers brother had thin hair. we both love travelling. i loved playing with his toy cars when i was younger. i used his old black and white tv in college, his old computer. i have his dressing gown. we both hate creases ironed into the front of our jeans. i was talking about taking a holiday to the US this morning and she started crying saying he had said the exact same things in the exact same ways before he left for the US, ostensibly on holiday but actually to live there for 7 years.
i remember him in my grandmothers house watching tv after we had gone to bed. in the middle of the night by himself he would let out these big guffaws of laughter, really enjoying himself. i often catch myself doing that and wonder what my neighbours must think. i loved the car he used to have too. a very 80s sports car. i was 10 when he left for the states and never saw him again. he promised me i would see him again but i never did. he died 9 years ago. he was only 36.
he was a very cool person and i would have loved to know him more. maybe by learning more about myself i can get to know him a little bit better. its really given me some freedom to think i might be like him instead of my father. even thought i didnt know him for too long i miss him. 10 years is so short when most of it is taken up with being a baby and a child.
anyway i started this just to say im so happy my mother saw him in me and told me she sees him a lot in me and maybe more than she sees that man called my father in me. it makes me feel maybe i can be a good person after all.

I don't think our parents' traits determine what kind of people we'll be. I think you're a good person.

wasnt sure you would rayna. so thank you. truly.

biiv... you're great!

I don't think I have any reason not to?

biiv from what I know of you you are a wonderful person. very caring. look me up if you come to the states!

thanks nina. i think you re great too though!!

just been uncomfortable since that thing i wrote that you deleted for me.

thanks bebop. thats nice to hear. and thanks for the invite! actually am thinking of going to the US next summer... if i get the money. which is fairly unlikely. lol. but i can dream right!?

you've always been quite kind and nice to me. you seem to be a great person!!!


Dee

thanks dee.i dont often feel like a good person. not saying that looking for attention. thats just me. especially right now.
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(((((( biiv )))))))))

I think you had a great advantage in knowing your dear uncle as a child. Children can see the very heart of a person where adults have so much clutter going on that they often can't see a person for what he/she really is.

I'm sorry you never saw your uncle again, but I'm glad for the time you had. Cherish those memories as you make your journey of self discovery.

Also, you are a good person. Give yourself a chance.

Hugs,

Jan

thanks jan. im glad i knew him then too and had what time i did with him. it was a gift.
thanks for the compliment too.
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