[passionfruit3]

Im trying to figure out if im paranoid or if i have a reason to be scared or if i just need to avoid looking up stuff.so i haven't been sleeping in my room mostly cause im scared my dolls will attack me.now i love my dolls i find them beautiful and i never used to think about this way about two and a half years ago. I was always a bit paranoid not of dolls things like murders and kidnappers.i would constantly be checking the clock at 15 years old in case my mom didnt come home from work at that exact time id have meltdowns.my father and i often got into bad physical fights over this.
I also freaked out when my sister didnt come home as i was homeschooled for medical reasons and shed walk.
Finally i was paranoid about the special education teachers.when they came to class to watch and observe unexpectedly i felt uncomfortable them watching me ecspecially given the way i was diagnosed was much like a law and order clip.dark room two chairs answering questions.i also thought they had sedating needles in there drawers or pockets.funny cause i was in 7th grade and had never been in therapy or anything yet i knew enough about needles to know someone was giving them out.finally i thought theyd give me strange test for me to do.
Flash forward to today it never occured to me im still rather paranoid of things.like my mombfor example sometimes if its late she doesnt pick up ill call like ten or twenty times no joke till she picks up.and tonight im listening to music and the song says gone with the wind and the page happens to say gone with the wind.i felt it was a sign from a kid who might have killed himself and then another song after that said love and it happened again the song said love. The word and it said love im currently sleeping in the living room.finally i discovered two spooky places today by accident in the world.i dont even know how ot happened im just freaked out wish i could hide a knife under my shirt but didnt work out to well last time.little sister got in trouble last time cause i forgot to take nap out of backpack.

I think you need professional help with this.

[Victoria'smom]

Yes that's paranoia. From my understanding anxiety is more "what if..." vs. "knowing" x is happening. Paranoia can lead to anxiety but anxiety doesn't lead to paranoia. If your not getting therapy try it. You may need meds first to help the paranoia.

[passionfruit3]

Do you think i should share post with psychiatrist

[passionfruit3]

Edited of course

[Victoria'smom]

Yes I do if you can.

[eyesclosed]

Hi PF
That's to bad they treated you that way with the dark room and your dad. Who started the physical part. What did your mom think. I'm no expert but I think the whole family needs some changing. Don't carry weapons around. Please

[passionfruit3]

I really agree with you.im use to it now being twenty four.but back then it was traumatic. It usually began like this.i had my disability so I couldn't walk down the stairs so I would've had to crawl my dad said I was not getting off the bed and try and hold me there said I'd just grab whatever I could some nights and just begin throwing it whatever direction I could.and wed be in this crazy battle despite being unable to walk.sometimes I made it downstairs and hed try and drag me back up the stairs and we'd fight.the worst part was when he took a foot stool and almost threw it at me.lied to my mother when she came home and said he didn't he lied also about calling the psych ward hospital that night and she believed him.i was so hurt.i had welts and stuff on my legs to prove wed been fighting but nothing came of it.cps investigateded but my family was so good and making me look like I was delusional. They only came back when I was 17 my older sister was 18 and she tried to strangle me and left bruises on my neck.
My family is very dysfunctional mom sleeps on the couch dad has a mess of a room and has one couch among millions of papers.me and brother share a room and two sisters are away at college.parents are married but consider eachother roommates.theres barely food half the time we eat but it takes scrounging and it's not usually till 11 and everyone is usually in the kitchen making different dinners.
We tried family therapy awhile back but my mother got upset on the first session cause my dad made a joke about her family and refused to come back.they tried marriage counseling and eventually gave up what keeps them together I don't know but there constant arguing bugs me.lately me and my brother close the door to drown them out.

[passionfruit3]

Originally Posted by eyesclosed

Hi PF
That's to bad they treated you that way with the dark room and your dad. Who started the physical part. What did your mom think. I'm no expert but I think the whole family needs some changing. Don't carry weapons around. Please

Also I'll explain about the knife only reason I had it is cause my mother liked to leave her screen door open at night I was always Afraid someone would come in and kill us.i wanted to protect my family if I had to though of course being paranoid I understand now I wasn't thinking logically and would never do that again

[eyesclosed]

I hope one day you can move out and have a better family life it sure helps a lot.I wish you the best. I'm sorry I thought you were taking the knife out in public.

You deserve so much more than what this world gave you. I am so sorry. I hope you can eventually soon get out of this abusive environment so you can begin to heal. (((Hugs)))