[Daunting]

I'm talking about this here because I'm scared of what might happen, and I could really do with some advice ASAP.

Just over a year ago, I was called to do jury service. Was too uncomfortable doing it because of the state of my mental health; I was at the time diagnosed with depression and GAD. I put off responding until too late, so didn't get my 'welcome pack' and stuff, after responding by email I turned up because I was scared I'd get arrested otherwise, but with no proper ID on me because I hadn't got the welcome pack and didn't realise I was supposed to bring it, and by the time I approached the man I was shaking so much that he asked if the letter on my bank card stood for [MY NAME] because he must have been the person I'd previously been emailing and guessed it was me because I was so clearly a nervous wreck. Anyway, long story short, to get out of jury service I had to have my own personal 'hearing' with a judge and a scribe, like a criminal, and ended up having to admit that I was scared that if I participated in jury service, it would cause me to cut myself for the first time in a long time. It was really humiliating but I managed to get my jury service deferred until December 2016. I was told that next time, if I still feel incapable of attending, to get in touch in good time and I wouldn't have to appear in court again.

So fast forward to the last few months of 2016. The OCD symptoms that I'd experienced about four years previously came back with a vengeance, in October. I think it was November that I made the dr's appointment and asked them to contact the court and let them know I was unable to attend. Apparently the court didn't receive the email - not my problem; I gave them the correct contact address.

This whole mess has forced me to be honest with the dr's about my mental health - which I guess is a good thing, really. I was referred to the Adult Mental Health Team in Wallingford and diagnosed with OCD by a psychiatrist. The last email I sent the jury officer mentioned that I was under the care of the AMHT and I could ask the psychiatrist/'team' (AKA one woman) to message him proving this if necessary. I was supposed to have a follow up appointment with the AMHT, I was planning on bringing this up then. My appointment was cancelled, I spoke to the woman on the phone when she told me it was cancelled, she asked me how I was and I lied and said I was fine because I'd just woken up and I hate talking on the phone, I generally try to avoid it. I didn't know what else to say and I expected I'd have another opportunity to talk about my problems at a rescheduled appointment. However, they discharged me, before I had a chance to ask them to speak to the court. I'm not fine, I'm not okay, everything is a mess and I'm drinking a huge amount of alcohol every night just to cope with my OCD. Only a combination of alcohol, weed, and my new medication, can get me to a point where I can live as opposed to just obsess and be at a standstill.

Please talk to me. I don't know what to do from here. I'd really appreciate some advice please.

I'm sorry you have been going through this Daunting.

My first thoughts are as you seem to have been discharged by the AMHT is to get in touch with your GP and explain what happened. If you find talking about it difficult maybe write down what you need to say and take that to the appointment for the GP to read.

As goes Jury service, please try not to worry over it, I know the letters they send out are so serious and 'law' speak they must be quite unnerving but in reality there's not much they can do if you are not in good enough health to serve.

Take care

[19J82]

Definitely have a conversation with your GP and be really open with them about everything. Tell them about how things are so bad that only alcohol, weed and meds are getting you through it. Also go into detail about how the Jury issue is making you feel, ie keeping you awake at night, terrified every time the phone rings or a letter comes through the door.
Ask the Dr to help get the Jury issue clarified and dealt with so it's not playing on your mind anymore.
Good luck with it

Yes. Have that conversation. It is really important that you do. My own jury service was pretty straight forward but it has been 20 years and it still stays with me.