[deschroma]

Hi. I don't know how to begin. This is a complex story.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I have experienced mania and depression and psychosis and I don't dispute the diagnosis, even though I regularly play with my meds, sometimes trying to induce mania. I have further been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I do not believe I have schizophrenia. I think my exaggerations have led to that diagnosis.

And that's the thing. I have made stuff up. I have acted out. I have purposely heightened or dramatized symptoms. I have done this since childhood, with various physical ailments, which is another thing I do today. I will always lie and say my fever is higher than it is, for example. I have done this even when the result is painful testing or hardcore medication with terrible side effects.

I was born with multiple health defects and have undergone lots of medical interventions, including several surgeries. My theory is something must have snapped in my mind and I adopted seeking out medical attention as a coping strategy.

Now I am confused. I can not tell how much is fiction and how much is real. I do not know the extent of my mental health conditions, and I just recently considered that I may have that syndrome....which is, obviously, in and of itself a mental illness.

I know this must seem like I am a terrible person, and honestly, I agree. But I can't stop, and I have never been honest before now. I know I need help.

What should I do?

[Sunflower123]

I would encourage you to go back to your pdoc and tell him what you've posted here and let him re-evaluate you because you may being treated for the wrong thing. I would also talk to my tdoc about why you do this. I wish you the best.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by deschroma

Hi. I don't know how to begin. This is a complex story.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I have experienced mania and depression and psychosis and I don't dispute the diagnosis, even though I regularly play with my meds, sometimes trying to induce mania. I have further been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I do not believe I have schizophrenia. I think my exaggerations have led to that diagnosis.

And that's the thing. I have made stuff up. I have acted out. I have purposely heightened or dramatized symptoms. I have done this since childhood, with various physical ailments, which is another thing I do today. I will always lie and say my fever is higher than it is, for example. I have done this even when the result is painful testing or hardcore medication with terrible side effects.

I was born with multiple health defects and have undergone lots of medical interventions, including several surgeries. My theory is something must have snapped in my mind and I adopted seeking out medical attention as a coping strategy.

Now I am confused. I can not tell how much is fiction and how much is real. I do not know the extent of my mental health conditions, and I just recently considered that I may have that syndrome....which is, obviously, in and of itself a mental illness.

I know this must seem like I am a terrible person, and honestly, I agree. But I can't stop, and I have never been honest before now. I know I need help.

What should I do?

the first thing you need to know if you are here in america is that the term Munchhausen is no longer used for mental disorders

America's new diagnostics have divided Munchhausen up into more than one problem now ti better treat the problems more individually....Fictitious disorder imposed on self/ fictitious disorder imposed on others... then the treatment provider checks off whether the focus/ target is physical health problems or mental health problems ie whether someone is causing their self to have physical problems or whether they are causing their self to have mental problems.

my point is there now may be some treatment providers out there who have no idea what your word Munchhausen is or where they work may have a rule on how to deal with this because for mental disorders this "labeling" no longer exists example I know someone who went to a treatment provider and said I think i have Munchhausen and the treatment provider said I'm sorry but you cant have that because there is no such thing.

if you are here in america the term for causing one self to have mental problems is called fictitious disorder imposed on self. by looking up this new label you will find information on how to help yourself.

example... here where I am breaking the pattern of causing oneself to have mental problems is hard but its not impossible. it takes things like recognizing when you are doing it... (point of evidence here. you know you are doing it because you were able to post examples of what you do here in your post. if you didnt know you were doing this you would not call it what it is and would not be able to supply examples of what you do. ) suggestion maybe keeping a daily journal will help you. this way you have in writing what you know you do. once you know what you do to cause yourself to have mental problems even when the way you go about causing the mental problems is a physical action it is possible to stop doing it by keeping a journal and making the decision to change one of those behaviors at a time.

letting your treatment providers know what and how you do this is also a great thing because there is now therapy options that work for this kind of thing like CBT and DBT therapy programs. in short this is now considered a kind of addiction and is treated just like having an addiction. getting to the root of why a person does this and then changing their behaviors, learning new coping tools so that causing oneself to have problems is no longer needed for attention or other reasons that they may have.

my point is it may seen hopeless but with hard work you can heal from this. please consider talking with a treatment provider who can help you.

Hello deschroma, I see this is your first post so welcome to PC! I hope you find your time here to be of benefit. Once you have 5 approved posts, you will be able to enter the chat room and talk to fellow members. There is almost always someone online to chat with.

I agree with Jennifer, it is time to be honest with your psychiatrist about this so they can re-evaluate you. If you don't already see a therapist I would encourage you to get one so you can work through this. If you do have Munchausens, therapy will help you and medication may not (it might even make things worse, as you have mentioned playing with meds to induce mania). I wish you all the best.