[Humpty Dumpty]

First off if this doesn't belong here I'm sorry. I looked at all the other forums and didn't see where this would fit.

I suffer from parinoa. I refuse to say delusions because everything I am parinod about could or has happened. I am a very private person. I am always worried about my mental health issues becoming "public" knowledge. I am very selective about who I tell what. NO ONE knows the full story. My doctors once told my wife, after I was released from in patient care, what my specific suicide plan was. There was a reason she didn't know that. A doctor later wrote on paper work my employer would see that I attempted suicide. I never attempted I only thought about it and had a plan. I went for help before attempting. So this is the short story of why I don't trust doctors.

I use to have a boss that liked to write me up for every little thing. Now whenever my boss says "See me when you get in." I am worried I did something wrong.

Whenever I speed (like 10+ over) I'm worried I'm going to get busted.

Is there really some magic pill that will make me forget about my past experiences and make me dumb enough to trust again? Will it make me where I am not always worried about everything? Yet what if I do go and ask for this medicine and they don't want to give it to me without me being locked up again? Just don't take it? What if they lock me up again against my will? That has happened.

Am I really being delusional? I don't think so. I don't think the Smurfs come and cut my head open and do brain surgery while I sleep. Like I said everything I'm parinod about has a very real possibility of happening.

[unaluna]

I wouldnt call that paranoid as much as i would call it like, problems with authority. I dont think theres a pill for it. I had that problem big time, esp with like the boss saying "see me" - that would make me almost sick. Did you have very strict parents? I think thats what made me fearful like that. I have been in therapy almost all of my adult life.

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Did you have very strict parents?

Yes I did. I know that is a big reason why I'm afraid to ask permission to do things now.

[Sunflower123]

This doesn't sound like paranoia as much as it does anxiety. You say you were worried a lot and rightly so. I don't think you have any delusions as it has all happened to you IRL. I'm sorry you've had such bad experiences with your doctors. Best wishes.