[seesaw]

I know people ask questions all the time about their disorders, etc. I'm not seeing a therapist right now because my insurance is terrible and I can only afford to see my psychiatrist once a month. And even this month I have to shell out like $200 extra for her to complete some paperwork for me. But I have some strange symptoms and I was hoping maybe someone here would have some ideas.

For background: I have been diagnosed with chronic severe treatment resistant Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, PMDD, GAD, and mild agoraphobia. All those combined equals lots of sleep disturbance, including a lot of nightmares and frequent sleep paralysis.

I have tried way too many meds to count, but currently I'm on Effexor, Zoloft, Xanax PRN, Vistiril for sleep, birth control, and Prazosin as a PRN for sleep/nightmares.

Anyways, the past week or so I have noticed myself having momentary disorientation, like one morning listening to the radio they were talking about the president, and I honestly thought they meant Barack Obama. And not like I was confused, I literally thought it was 2012. I've been having other moments like that where I'm confused as to what day of the week it is, like I have to ask someone, and it's not just like when you casually ask "what day is it?" because you're tired. I LITERALLY do NOT know what day it is or think it's a different day of the week. Same thing with what year it is, what house I live in - like I wake up and don't know where I am because I remember living in a different apartment or house from a previous time in my life.

I will also admit that I have had a very calm feeling of suicidal ideation lately, contemplating what it would be like to take a few too many pills and just drift off (but it's just ideation, I would never harm myself like that).

My psychiatrist believes I may have obsessive compulsive disorder, primarily because of exorciation - skin picking, not sure if that's important.

Could this confusion and disorientation be attributed to my depression or PTSD? Of course I have flashbacks, but that feels more like, I feel like the situation I'm in is being transformed into a prior terrifying situation. These moments of disorientation are not like that, I mean, sometimes there is fear, but when I have a flashback, I still know where I am, I just feel my mind playing a trick on me.

Do you think this is a normal symptom of depression or PTSD or one of my other diagnoses?

Thank you!
Seesaw

[mccarrolmike]

Perhaps I may help. What are the new unspoken symptoms?

[mccarrolmike]

Name every medication and quantity taken

[Jellyfish18]

You take 6 medications and think it's because of depression? Why are you even taking so much?

[mccarrolmike]

My first guess would be the meds interactions especially if taken at high dosages and frequently

[seesaw]

I am on these mediations because I have treatment resistant depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and PTSD. I've been on these meds forever, so I don't think it's all of a sudden a side effect presenting itself.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Jellyfish18

You take 6 medications and think it's because of depression? Why are you even taking so much?

Who do you thunk you are? There is no need to be hostile. Many of us on PC take meds to help control or moderate the symptoms of our disorders. I don't even take that many meds in comparison to others here. And if I didn't take my meds, I really would be a mess. Please tell me what credentials you have to make such a sarcastic statement to me? Oh wait, don't bother because I don't care. You obviously have no intention of being supportive so please just refrain from posting on this thread.

[mccarrolmike]

Yeah that was such a ****** and thoughtless thing to do say enough to mention.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by mccarrolmike

Yeah that was such a ****** and thoughtless thing to do say enough to mention.

Yeah, thanks. I'm pretty sure I stated I have TREATMENT RESISTANT depression, which means the normal suspects when it comes to meds don't work. I've even undergone a course of transcranial magnetic stimulation because of my depression. You don't get that approved by insurance until you've tried every depression med out there.

I really don't think it's a drug interaction because I have been on these meds for almost a year now and my pdoc is very careful to only change one medication at a time to watch for side effects and interactions. And nothing has changed about my meds. We have plans to replace the Xanax with klonopin, since klonopin has a longer lifetime in your body, whereas Xanax lasts for maybe 20 minutes.

chronic severe treatment resistant Major Depressive Disorder...that is quite the mouthful! All you need to say is "treatment resistant major depressive disorder" because MDD is chronic in nature, so saying chronic at the beginning is not necessary. The "severe" is also unnecessary because MDD is considered the "severe" one, compared to dysthymia. Just so you don't have to type out as much next time.

Aside from that, I'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. If you do have treatment resistant depression, then meds may not be helpful. Have you ever considered ECT? I never found it to be a fun experience, but it pulled me out of rock bottom on two different occasions and worked better than any medication I've tried. If it were not for the memory side effects, I'd probably still be doing maintenance treatments to this day. Just something to consider if you ever get to the point of not being functional anymore, as it does work.

Also, do you have a therapist to work through the PTSD symptoms with?

[mccarrolmike]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Yeah, thanks. I'm pretty sure I stated I have TREATMENT RESISTANT depression, which means the normal suspects when it comes to meds don't work. I've even undergone a course of transcranial magnetic stimulation because of my depression. You don't get that approved by insurance until you've tried every depression med out there.

I really don't think it's a drug interaction because I have been on these meds for almost a year now and my pdoc is very careful to only change one medication at a time to watch for side effects and interactions. And nothing has changed about my meds. We have plans to replace the Xanax with klonopin, since klonopin has a longer lifetime in your body, whereas Xanax lasts for maybe 20 minutes.

No problem sweetheart,
Klonopin does have a lasting affect.

I will try to contact your Doctor asap.
Inform of all the negatives you are experiencing. Or even have access to use this site and word every single ill side effect that you have listed as a form of backup.

In the mean time, I don't want to alarm you but I suggest that you take enough bed rest if possible.

I can't diagnose you since I'm not licensed professional in the United States.
I'm what you may call a Technical Nurse, currently residing in South America, Colombia.

[mccarrolmike]

Any other newer symptoms that you have noticed?

[seesaw]

Sorry, Scared, I just get so used to having to describe to lay people what long term depression is like. Not all depression is severe or chronic, by the way. People who have SAD do not experience depression chronically. And there is a spectrum of MDD, not everyone experiences it to the same severity. Some people can pop a Zoloft or Prozac at a mild dosage and that helps them. Whereas others have to try much more intense drugs. So I'd have to disagree that depression by nature is chronic and severe. Some people suffer from mild depression, and some people suffer from it for a limited period of time.

Anyways, I have asked about ECT. I did transcranial magnetic stimulation and that helped.

Regarding therapists, I have seen many therapists for PTSD, I've gone through a PHP, I've done residential treatment (30 days). I had a good therapist before I went back to work and had private insurance so I could afford it.

Now I can't afford regular therapy because my insurance is terrible. And I've already been through 3 therapists in my new town that just weren't right for me. I have a referral from my pdoc for another T though, so we shall see.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by mccarrolmike

No problem sweetheart,
Klonopin does have a lasting affect.

I will try to contact your Doctor asap.
Inform of all the negatives you are experiencing. Or even have access to use this site and word every single ill side effect that you have listed as a form of backup.

In the mean time, I don't want to alarm you but I suggest that you take enough bed rest if possible.

I can't diagnose you since I'm not licensed professional in the United States.
I'm what you may call a Technical Nurse, currently residing in South America, Colombia.

Thanks. I am basically on bed rest. I've worked it out with my employer to take some time off. And I did as you suggested already, sent my pdoc basically an edited version of this post, but not sure she will respond before our appointment on Wednesday. I also emailed my mother, who is my emergency contact, an edited version of this information, in case anything happens, someone in my real life has a record of it.

I appreciate your help. I am not staying in bed all day, I'm taking walks with my dogs, and watching movies, submitting RFPs for freelance work, but not doing anything stressful. Although I do have to go back to work tomorrow. But it will be a light week and then I have another 10 days off.

If it is a med side effect, I will have to.go inpatient while they titrate me off everything and figure out néw meds. Otherwise I will be in a really bed state.

Thanks for your help.

Seesaw

[seesaw]

Well, I was actually about to say no to.your question of new side effects, but I have also noticed being very shakey, literally, like shaking a lot, in a jittery type way, and feeling emotionally very fragile. But I had chalked that up to the duress I've been under at work and the long hours I've been putting in.

[mccarrolmike]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

chronic severe treatment resistant Major Depressive Disorder...that is quite the mouthful! All you need to say is "treatment resistant major depressive disorder" because MDD is chronic in nature, so saying chronic at the beginning is not necessary. The "severe" is also unnecessary because MDD is considered the "severe" one, compared to dysthymia. Just so you don't have to type out as much next time.

Aside from that, I'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. If you do have treatment resistant depression, then meds may not be helpful. Have you ever considered ECT? I never found it to be a fun experience, but it pulled me out of rock bottom on two different occasions and worked better than any medication I've tried. If it were not for the memory side effects, I'd probably still be doing maintenance treatments to this day. Just something to consider if you ever get to the point of not being functional anymore, as it does work.

Also, do you have a therapist to work through the PTSD symptoms with?

Quite intriguing, scaredandconfused,
As a former patient that currently have my major resistant depression /ADHD in remission, I am curious to further my interest in corealation to our mental health.

May I ask what were the symptoms that made your depression fall into a clinical level of severity?

Having succeeded with ECT, how immediately after were you able to feel the therapy work?

Have you been in remission since?

[Sunflower123]

Seesaw - I'm sorry you're going through this and hope you get some answers and get it worked out. Best wishes.

Originally Posted by mccarrolmike

Quite intriguing, scaredandconfused,
As a former patient that currently have my major resistant depression /ADHD in remission, I am curious to further my interest in corealation to our mental health.

May I ask what were the symptoms that made your depression fall into a clinical level of severity?

Having succeeded with ECT, how immediately after were you able to feel the therapy work?

Have you been in remission since?

When I received ECT for the first time, I was inpatient at the hospital for depression. We tried several meds that didn't help so ECT was the last option. I was basically not functioning, laying in bed almost all day, neglecting hygiene, and I stopped eating. They forced me to drink those Ensure drinks to get some calories in my system. I am usually an avid nail biter but I was so depressed that my nails actually started to grow...something that had not happened in ages. Once the ECT began working, the nail biting began again.

The unfortunate side effect of ECT is memory loss, so I cannot answer your last two questions accurately. There are some memories I'll never get back and that time of my life is a blur. I've been in remission since December of 2016. It would have been longer but I foolishly stopped 4 medications at once a few months previous to December, then in December the depression came back and I had a brief stay at the hospital to do a med change. I have been doing quite well since, aside from a re-emergence of emetophobia, but that's a whole other issue.

[mccarrolmike]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Well, I was actually about to say no to.your question of new side effects, but I have also noticed being very shakey, literally, like shaking a lot, in a jittery type way, and feeling emotionally very fragile. But I had chalked that up to the duress I've been under at work and the long hours I've been putting in.

Seesaw, bless your heart,
I am sorry that you are enduring such hardship at the present time :lovehug:

I know you will get better. Way better!

Just try your best to avoid all unnecessary stressors.

Anything that you can do in your power to evoke peace.
Examples: Reading your favorite article blog, talking on the phone with a loved one, or even a friend you might just want to simply catch up with or just say hello to.
Engage in light hearted conversations.

Rest as much as you can.
Take your medication as prescribed.
Drink plenty of liquids and ensure its within close range.

May you be blessed.
If you need to ask or simply say anything, well I am here for you.

[Nammu]

This could be stress related symptoms. Aren't you undergoing a huge turmoil at work? Stress is oven over looked as a cause for increased or new symptoms. It certainly could cause dissociation. Can you try relaxation and meditation? Maybe some guided imagery tapes and yoga. You could pick up DVDs for this relatively inexpensively. Remember to breathe,

[mccarrolmike]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

When I received ECT for the first time, I was inpatient at the hospital for depression. We tried several meds that didn't help so ECT was the last option. I was basically not functioning, laying in bed almost all day, neglecting hygiene, and I stopped eating. They forced me to drink those Ensure drinks to get some calories in my system. I am usually an avid nail biter but I was so depressed that my nails actually started to grow...something that had not happened in ages. Once the ECT began working, the nail biting began again.

The unfortunate side effect of ECT is memory loss, so I cannot answer your last two questions accurately. There are some memories I'll never get back and that time of my life is a blur. I've been in remission since December of 2016. It would have been longer but I foolishly stopped 4 medications at once a few months previous to December, then in December the depression came back and I had a brief stay at the hospital to do a med change. I have been doing quite well since, aside from a re-emergence of emetophobia, but that's a whole other issue.

I have to get accustomed to my routine and never forget to my best ability or have someone close to me, that will help remind me of my medication intake.

[mccarrolmike]

Originally Posted by Nammu

This could be stress related symptoms. Aren't you undergoing a huge turmoil at work? Stress is oven over looked as a cause for increased or new symptoms. It certainly could cause dissociation. Can you try relaxation and meditation? Maybe some guided imagery tapes and yoga. You could pick up DVDs for this relatively inexpensively. Remember to breathe,

Thank you. Those are some excellent resourceful examples that can help our friend out

[seesaw]

Thank you, you guys. At least I don't feel like I'm going insane now.

[mccarrolmike]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Thank you, you guys. At least I don't feel like I'm going insane now.

Ohh sweetheart, you are not alone.

[Jellyfish18]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Who do you thunk you are? There is no need to be hostile. Many of us on PC take meds to help control or moderate the symptoms of our disorders. I don't even take that many meds in comparison to others here. And if I didn't take my meds, I really would be a mess. Please tell me what credentials you have to make such a sarcastic statement to me? Oh wait, don't bother because I don't care. You obviously have no intention of being supportive so please just refrain from posting on this thread.

I am personally against too much medication, because of side effects. Those sound like medication side effects, not effects of depression. Maybe you need medicine but have you tried natural ways of dealing with depression? They are very effective and medication is harmful in the long run anyway.