[BayAreaResident]

Sorry this is long, but we are looking for help and advice for a loved one, my Mother.

My mother has pushed all three of her children away over the last 13 years. One by one, she has said something horrible that have had us not want to be part of her life. They all have happened in the same way. She will say something shocking and un-truthful about our significant others or children. Some examples: She said my wife’s father is actually the father of my son (basically claiming incest). She has said that my sister’s husband drugs her and pimps her out while she is knocked out. Also, that he sexually violates my nephew. She has also said that my other sister’s husband fools around and is only after her money. She has also made claims that both of my sister’s husbands have made sexual advances at her.
Everything is always about sexual behavior or abuse. She has even made child abuse claims against my sister’s husband which caused an investigation from social workers. My sister IS a social worker and even though the claim was investigated and cleared, she lost her job as a claim was opened against her and her job did not want that in a case worker.

My mother is very lucid and says things with incredible detail. She is a sweet looking frail woman and makes friends very easily. For this reason, people are always shocked and believe her 99% of the time. She believes what she says with everything in her being. However, when we confront her, she denies it all saying she would never say that. It is always lies from everybody and that the world is against her. She refuses to get help as she feels nothing is wrong.

We cannot file a restraining order as she has not done anything. Can anything be done to file something about her mental well-being to stop cops and social workers from visiting thinking we are monsters?

My mother has had a very rough life. She was abused and raped as a youth with her father being mentally and physically abusive. This is where we think these hallucinations of sexual acts about us manifest themselves. It is almost as if the things that happened in her life are what she tells people about us and our loved ones. We are all mentally drained and don’t know what to do. I'm not even sure what to call her condition? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Skeezyks]

Hello BayAreaResident: I'm sorry I'm not going to be able to offer any advice with regard to this. Hopefully other members, here on PC, will be able to do so. From my perspective, this may simply be a situation for which you're going to need to seek legal advice from an attorney in your area.

I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

[BayAreaResident]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello BayAreaResident: I'm sorry I'm not going to be able to offer any advice with regard to this. Hopefully other members, here on PC, will be able to do so. From my perspective, this may simply be a situation for which you're going to need to seek legal advice from an attorney in your area.

I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Thank you for the support. I'm hoping I can find answers. My ultimate goal is to diagnose the root of the problem so we can begin to heal as a family. However, that is proving hard for some members of the family.

My mother has had a rough past so I want to be supportive, but also need to protect my family.

Thank you again.

[Sunflower123]

Welcome to PC. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with your mother. Your post is a doozy. If it were me, I'd try to get some medical advice from a psychiatrist if you can to see if he can pinpoint what is going on. Your mother has some type of mental episode going on that not only needs to be treated for her sake but for your family as a whole. I can't begin to imagine what you've been through.

Do you by any chance have any of this recorded?

[RubyRae]

Hi BayAreaResident.

Sorry for this situation that is going on.Is there a way you can have her taken to a hospital for an evaluation when she is behaving that way?If she won't go willingly,can't you talk to the police or a judge and have her taken for one?

I know a woman that was behaving in similar ways,saying very bizarre things to her family members.They(her family) had her taken to the hospital for an evaluation and she was deemed completely normal,and she was released.She acted fine while she was there but then eventually became worse and eventually did end up hospitalized,medicated and is now doing fine.

Another woman was the same way,her family had her taken for an evaluation and she was diagnosed with dimentia and was going to be placed in a nursing home.Fortunately though,she was seen by a different doctor,was diagnosed with schizophrenia,received treatment,and is now doing well.

Another woman,her family got fed up with her and decided to place her in a nursing home.It turned out she had end stage cancer which was affecting her mind.

My point?She needs to go for an evaluation,have both her mental and physical health evaluated.Has anyone contacted her doctor and informed him/her what's going on?Has anyone talked to anyone about her being forced into an evaluation?

[MickeyCheeky]

Yeah, she probably needs to see a doctor.. the problem may be if she doesn't want to go..

[BayAreaResident]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Welcome to PC. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with your mother. Your post is a doozy. If it were me, I'd try to get some medical advice from a psychiatrist if you can to see if he can pinpoint what is going on. Your mother has some type of mental episode going on that not only needs to be treated for her sake but for your family as a whole. I can't begin to imagine what you've been through.

Do you by any chance have any of this recorded?

None of it is recorded unfortunately. My concern is that this is very hard to detect. Like other have posted, she would probably see somebody and they would say she is completely normal. She would need to see a psychiatrist for a length of time before they could pick up on any issues. We could not get her to see anybody once, let alone any length of time.

I think your advice may be correct. We would need to see somebody to discuss the issues without her and try to get advice.

[Rose76]

I don't think this is something that can be medicated away. Having her personal physician do a mental status exam might be a good idea, so that it can be documented that there is reason for concern about her orientation to reality, which seems to be impaired. In her meeting with her doctor, she may or may not display the delusional thinking that you have described. It seems that she may not be totally deluded and actually fully convinced of the nutty things she has alleged. Some of this may simply be "trouble making."

Regardless of what formal diagnosis she might be given, she still would have a right to call cops and social workers. They still would have an obligation to investigate her allegations (though they have some discretion, if she calls them repeatedly with baseless allegations.)

Actually, the best thing that can happen to protect your reputatio s is for her to keep making lots of preposterous allegations. The cops and social workers are not going to keep chasing after crazy allegations forever. They will document that this lady is abusing the system making allegations that are without foundation.

I once new an elderly lady who couldn't stand for her daughter to go away on vacation. Whenever the daughter went away for a few days, the mother would call the police and report her daughter as a missing person. The cops did catch on.

Be careful how you describe your mother. You describe her as delusional, but you say she is lucid. Who manages her financial affairs? Is she in need of a guardian being appointed? If she's managing her home okay, then she's basically in tune with reality. Telling lies isn't the same as being psychotic. It can get murky.

[*Laurie*]

Rose76 is correct on all points. I know how frustrating it is to have a mom who 'tells tales'...mine did. Unfortunately, unless your mom is unable to care for herself, there isn't anything the law - or social service agencies - can do. The only thing cops will do is what Rose said. They'll keep your mom on their radar if she bothers them too much.

[BayAreaResident]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I don't think this is something that can be medicated away. Having her personal physician do a mental status exam might be a good idea, so that it can be documented that there is reason for concern about her orientation to reality, which seems to be impaired. In her meeting with her doctor, she may or may not display the delusional thinking that you have described. It seems that she may not be totally deluded and actually fully convinced of the nutty things she has alleged. Some of this may simply be "trouble making."

Regardless of what formal diagnosis she might be given, she still would have a right to call cops and social workers. They still would have an obligation to investigate her allegations (though they have some discretion, if she calls them repeatedly with baseless allegations.)

Actually, the best thing that can happen to protect your reputatio s is for her to keep making lots of preposterous allegations. The cops and social workers are not going to keep chasing after crazy allegations forever. They will document that this lady is abusing the system making allegations that are without foundation.

I once new an elderly lady who couldn't stand for her daughter to go away on vacation. Whenever the daughter went away for a few days, the mother would call the police and report her daughter as a missing person. The cops did catch on.

Be careful how you describe your mother. You describe her as delusional, but you say she is lucid. Who manages her financial affairs? Is she in need of a guardian being appointed? If she's managing her home okay, then she's basically in tune with reality. Telling lies isn't the same as being psychotic. It can get murky.

You make really great points! Thank you for your perspective.
Tough situation for all.