Before I go any further, let me make myself clear that I do not believe smacking a child on their bottom, with the hand, goes far enough to be considered abuse. Probably not something I would do, but not something to call cps over either. Today on the bus there was a group of people who looked to be in the baby boomer age group, bragging about how they were beat with shoes, coat hangers, etc and how messed up it is that today you aren't allowed to beat your child.

I wanted so badly to ask them about the millions of children who died because they were beaten. If they thought this was OK? Of course I didn't but it was disturbing to see how the cycle works. People normalize, even glorify, their own abuse and then pass it on to their offspring.

I've noticed this too. I've known a number of older people who were abused when they were children but think that going through what they did made them tough, yet if you know one of these people close enough, you can tell that they typically are emotionally wounded.

My step father is a prime example. He would brag to people about how his father would beat him with a belt if he did anything wrong and he would be beaten again for crying if he did. Something as simple as not saying "yes sir" or forgetting to take out the trash would earn him a beating. Despite what he went through, he still has a close relationship with his father today. He would always act tough and he would never ask for help for anything. He made reckless financial decisions that could have been avoided if he would have asked for help. He would ramble on about politics and talk about how young people these days need to get beatings by their dads to teach them how to behave. He would talk about how if another world war broke out, the children these days would be too whiny to be able to fight properly and the U.S would collapse and what not. Yet, I could tell how hurt he is.

He struggled to build relationships with women and my emotionally manipulative mother was the only women who accepted him (I wonder why) and he's in his 50s now. After leaving the military, he became a long haul truck driver where he would spend weeks alone on the road. His ultimate goal in life before meeting me and my mother was to save up enough money to where he could sell everything he owned and live by himself on a boat at sea.

I used to have so much anger towards him because he would listen to my mother's lies and attempts to manipulate him and he used to yell at me a lot, but I saw a whole new side of him when my mother passed away and I was finally able to get close to him. He admitted to me that he used to cry himself to sleep when he was trucking because he was so lonely and he would talk about how he had to sell his guns because he was afraid that he would use them on himself.

When he lost his job due to his declining health, he had these delusions about this women from his past who lives all the way in Paris and owns a clothing store flying over to the US to be with him. He would drive places and appear to be talking to somebody and when I pointed out that nobody was there he would frantically search claiming she ran off. He claimed that there was a limo one time parked outside of the house and he would talk about how he's leaving the country to live with her and get married and what not. You must truly be lonely to have an experience like that and not much phases me emotionally anymore but when I think about how much my mother has had him messed up and how much he craves a woman's love, I want to cry.

Getting to know that side of him caused me to become more open minded and empathetic towards people who have gone through hell in their life.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by iPhone

People normalize, even glorify, their own abuse and then pass it on to their offspring.

I guess it is because it feels easier to do that than to remember the terror they themselves felt as children.

Is it possible these people bragging are instead trying to find an outlet for their emotional and physical pain?

[*Laurie*]

ANY physical violence against a child, including a smack on the bottom, is traumatic.

[amandalouise]

I dont consider this kind of talk to be bragging either. there are many things back days of old that are no longer done that people talk about...

riding bikes, motorcycles with out helmets, lead paint, babies, toddlers, children not in seat belts, fist fights between friends without parents stopping it, drinking at age 16, ....

my point is there are many harmful to children things that are no longer allowed for parents to either let happen or do with their children that gets talked about, I tell my children and people of my age group about some of the parental stuff that was legal when I was a kid and not legal now and yea sometimes I wish for those days back again.

just like I wish for that summer at the creek jumping off the rope into the creek even though the creek wasnt all that deep. but that rope has since been cut down by the town and all trees at the "swimming hole" that could be used for rope jumping are gone.

I bet if everyone in this world, really thought about it there will be something from their childhoods that was unsafe and now it would be breaking some rule, law or ethics that they talk about with their friends and say they wish they could go back to those days again..

one thing I keep in mind when I hear talk like this is that just because ....I...... think something that happened to someone is wrong and they should not be discussing it or wanting those days back again theres probably a reason behind how and when that discussion started.... maybe someone say or heard someone being rude or doing something that they as a child would have been punished for.

today's world is so different than the one I grew up in, and Im not a babyboomer. Some teens and children these days seem to be very crude, rude and disrespectful so its natural for me to say to my wife when I encounter this.... man if I ever talked to my parents that way this that and the other thing would have happened and that would naturally lead into a discussion of disciplinary tactics my wife and I have in common when we were children and yea sometimes we laugh about it and say we wish these days were back, why because we did not consider it abuse when we were children. you minded your p's and q's or got swatted and we learned valuable lessons like not calling an adult a MF, dont steal, have manners and so on that quite a few children and teens either refused to learn or are no longer being taught. so its normal for people of those generations to talk about when I was a kid this happened and that happened and I turned out fine kind of talk....

as you can see this is one of those topics that can keep me going. maybe because I am a firm believer that its ok to talk about ones childhood including how one was disciplined compared to today... I mean how do we teach children its ok to say no go and tell if we are not going to talk about how things were before compared to today and what to do today that we didnt do years ago, how are my children going to learn about my history if I keep my childhood the good and the bad hushed up. we now life in a world where its ok to talk about how our parents disciplined us and how we felt back then and feel about it today. I say more power to the baby boomers if they can now feel comfortable talking about being spanked/ beat....

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

ANY physical violence against a child, including a smack on the bottom, is traumatic.

I agree, I just said that because I didn't want this to turn into a spanking debate.