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  #1  
Old Jul 20, 2017, 06:37 AM
Tizer81 Tizer81 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: London
Posts: 1
I'm an avoidant currently involved with an anxiously attached partner. The relationship is very challenging, mostly due to the physical symptoms of anxiety and stress that we both tend to feel as the relationship progresses. It often feels like something must be wrong, even though I can't find an obvious problem. Could you comment on any solutions to this avoidant/anxious dynamic, in that is there a possibility that it could be transformed into a secure attachment over time, or are you dubious about that possibility? I'm be really interested in your comments, as I'm very keen to make it work. I just worry whether these physical symptoms will subside with time. Thanks 

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  #2  
Old Jul 20, 2017, 09:07 AM
Unrigged64072835 Unrigged64072835 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Under the noise floor
Posts: 18,579
i don't know how long you've been together, but relationships need trust and communication and quite a bit of faith in your partner. It would probably help if you and your partner saw a couple counselor, or see a therapist together.
  #3  
Old Jul 20, 2017, 09:12 AM
Anonymous55397
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Hello Tizer81, I see this is your first post so welcome to PC! I hope you find your time here to be of benefit. Once you have 5 approved posts, you will be able to enter the chat room and talk to fellow members. There is almost always someone online to chat with.

I think couples counselling and even individual therapy could be helpful for you both.
  #4  
Old Jul 20, 2017, 09:43 AM
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Trippin2.0 Trippin2.0 is offline
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Member Since: May 2010
Location: Cape Town South Africa
Posts: 11,937
Time definitely helped me feel more secure.

Time, trust, patience, loyalty and communication.

Sure I still have times I get super anxious, (very rarely tho) just this past Saturday it seemed the faecal matter hit the ceiling oscillator and I nearly ran in order to avoid all those feelings and everything that comes with it...

But I practiced some mindfulness, put myself in reactionary timeout (no action allowed till a certain amount of time has passed) had an open and honest (calm) chat with my bf, and my fears have been put to rest. I am back to feeling more secure.

I doubt I will ever be 100% securely attached, but the reduction in anxiety is a good enough improvement for me.

It definitely beats pushing him away, running away, or anxiously waiting for something to go very very wrong.
  #5  
Old Jul 21, 2017, 05:32 AM
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Snap66 Snap66 is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2011
Location: 1000 miles from nowhere.
Posts: 312
Are you professionally diagnosed with AvPD?
Please don't feel that you have to reply.

I can only comment as someone who has AvPD so I didn't want to give you my opinion only to find that you're self diagnosed or have some other core issue making my response useless.

welcome.
__________________
Diagnosed: AvPD.

It’s never alright. It comes and it goes.
It’s always around, even when it don’t show.
They say it gets better. well I guess that it might.
But even when it’s better, it’s never alright.

Last edited by Snap66; Jul 21, 2017 at 06:28 AM.
  #6  
Old Jul 21, 2017, 09:45 AM
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Sunflower123 Sunflower123 is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 26,579
I think it's possible for it to work out with a little bit of work on both sides and therapy. Good luck and best wishes.
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