[referer]

Hello!

I'm a 27 year old man and I'm posting my story here hoping there is someone who is able to help me. I'm currently under treatment but until now I've only had an intake interview. In about 3 weeks I'm going to have some tests to be able to diagnose. English is not my native language so I apologize in advance for mistakes.

I think it's best if I explain my situation from the beginning. I've had a normal childhood, without any real problems or trauma's. I was one of the 'popular', but underneath I always was kind of insecure. The insecurity become much worse in high school.

I've always had some problems in my life, but I always tried my best to fix these. When I was 25 I had my first real relationship. The first months were amazing, I really was infatuated and I enjoyed life a lot. But after a couple of months that feeling subsided and I felt empty. The emptiness continued and I realized my emotions always have been very flat.

My relationship began deteriorating. I knew my relationship was one of the very few things that gave me positive feelings so I really wanted to 'fix' my situation. I've began researching on the internet and talked with people around me. I've really questioned a lot of thoughts and behaviours of mine. I've considered a lot of things: autism, Aspergers, depression, anhedonia, personality disorders, etcetera but I score very low on tests for those.

The 'symptoms' I experience are all emotional. As told my emotions are very limited, I rarely experience strong emotions and when I do it's mostly with music or movies. I've learned I don't experience affective empathy although my cognitive empathy is very good. I'm not able to form attachments to anyone, let it be family or romantic interests. I've spoken about this with some people and nobody seems to notice these things and they all think I overthink this situation. But since I've learned I miss those things, I know I'm missing out on life a lot! Before I knew these things, I've never been really happy in my life, besides the first months of the relationship. But the relationship was doomed to fail because of my problems.

I will list as many symptoms as possible since I think this may be valuable in creating the big picture.
- Low libido, I've never really had a drive for a relationship. I've been horny of course, but not as much as a healthy young man should be;
- Flat affect, don't experience emotions strongly. Very limited range of emotions. Do experience emotions way stronger with music or movies (alexithymia?);
- Unable to attach to people, don't really build a history with people;
- Often experience bodily tensions (tense feeling chest, tense muscles, jaw clenching, sweating);
- Aphantasia: unable to form images in my mind. I rarely have visions when I'm about to fall asleep, but they are not vivid;
- Never really 100% comfortable in social situations, even with family;
- Very little motivation. I don't really have a drive to do things. I've completed my study because I've felt I should not because I wanted to. I don't really WANT to do something. It's always: 'mmm, it's better than nothing'. When I take a look at my brother of 3 years younger, he really is excited to go out, to live on his own, to have sex, to go to festivals etc. I really miss that drive.
- Slight ear ringing;
- Difficulties concentrating.

Because of all of this, I really am wondering why I should live any longer? Nothing really matters. My life has no real purpose if you can't experience positive emotions. The only positive thing in my life is trying to fix my situation. I've tried a lot of things, supplements, diets, drugs etc. but nothing worked. I really want to do everything I can to live a life I can enjoy so I try everything.

A couple of weeks ago I received my 23andyou results. It probably is wishfull thinking but perhaps some things can be explained because of genetics.
I've learned:

MTHFR
- A1298C (G;G) Homozygous
- rs2066470 (A;G) Heterozygous
- C677T (G;G) No mutations

COMT
- V158M (A;G) Heterozygous
- H62H (C;T) Heterozygous

VDR
- Fok1 (G;G) Homozygous
- Taq1 (G;G) Homozygous
- Bsm1 (T;T) Homozygous

CBS
- C699T (G;G) No mutations
- A360A (A;A) Homozygous

MAO-A
- R297R (T;T) Homozygous

Personality
- rs53576 (G;G) -> associated with optimistic, empathic behaviour, and can handle stress well.

Because of A1298C being homozygous, I'm taking these supplements for 2 weeks now:

- Methyl-guard plus (Thorne)

- Vitals multivitamin (most active forms)
Vitamin A (300mcg)
B1 - thiamin-Hcl (11 mg)
B2 - riboflavine-5'-phosphate (14 mg)
B3 - niacinamid (40 mg)
B5 - calcium-d-pantothenate (30 mg)
B6 - pyridoxal-5'-phosphate (7 mg)
5-MTHF glucosamine salt quatrefolic® (300 mcg)
B12 - 50% methylcobalamin, 50% adenosylcobalamin (130 mcg)
Biotin (100 mcg)
Choline (25 mg)
Inositol (25 mg)
PABA (10 mg)
Vitamin C (100 mg)
Vitamin D3 cholecalciferol (15 mcg)
Vitamin E (67 mg-te)
Vitamin K3 (30 mcg)
Calcium (30 mg)
Chrome (40 mcg)
Iron (5 mg)
Copper (0,75 mg)
Magnesium (30 mg)
Mangane (1,5 mg)
Molybdene (50 mcg)
Selenium (55 mcg)
Zinc (10 mg)
And some others

To be honest, I'm not feeling a lot of difference. I'm experiencing more dreams, more sweating and some headeaches in the evening.

Today, I've began taking Hydroxy B12 and potassium.

Bloodworks (advanced) are all good. 6 months ago I had a severe vitamin D defficiency (25). The GP prescribed cholecalciferol for 2 months, so last blood test I scored high (120).

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC.

[stewartmays1]

sounds rough have you tried working out it will help i think

[Teddy Bear]

Welcome to PC

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome to pc