I don't feel "validated"

I don't even know if that's the right word for it
Just right now , I've been pretty stable with my moods , haven't been self harming a lot (apart from bruising yesterday) , I'm back to eating normally , and I don't feel depressed like I usually am. And all of this is a coming and going thing.
I feel fake. That these 4 and a half years have just been faked. That I've been doing it for attention.
Every time I come to a point where I seem "okay" and "stable" I think this stuff.
I just feel fake...
Maybe I've gotten too sick at this point...
Just kind of wanted to vent..

Emotions can really colour what we tend to think of as rational thoughts or thinking. So when the worst of it passes and you feel more stable, you're left with feeling/thinking "I'm so different now. Was that real or fake?"

Maybe that's what you're experiencing?

Talking through it and asking yourself questions can help. Do you have access to any kind of therapy currently?

The experiences you've had for the last few years are real and part of who you are. Feeling stable now may seem weird or fake because you're not used to it. Being stable now does not mean that what you went through was not real or valuable.