Avoidance

I do this really bad thing, where I avoid. I did it today. I didn't go to meditation group. And that wasn't too bad, because I wasn't required to go. But I just started a new volunteer gig, and my first day would have been today, but I cancelled, saying I am not feeling well. It's true. I am not feeling up for it. I just worry about disappointing people, and people thinking I'm weird.

I know that my depression is the thing that makes me avoid. It is my illness. I know that when I show up to things, I feel better, too. It is just hard today. Really hard. The urge is so strong.

If anybody has any suggestions on how to stop avoiding, or how to get well and heal from depression, I'm all ears. I probably already have heard it, but I don't mind reiteration and reminders. They help. I have been doing the avoid-dance, for a long time.

(((hugs)))) I can relate. I do this too with my own depression. Depression can interfere with daily functioning and with our desire to do anything. Sometimes I find that I seriously have to force myself to do things, when I really don't want to. I try not to give into the depression. You may have to force yourself as well, when you really don't feel like doing it. Sometimes, it's the only way to work through and with the depression, is not to give into it and you'll feel better for having done so.

I do this as well and have for years. I think it's become a bad habit for me. What has helped me is getting prepared (pick out outfit, shower, prep) the night before. I also don't schedule anything that day but the outside event. I usually have a small reward for doing it (a movie, smoothie king, Barnes & Noble). In spite of this, somedays it's just not happening. I sympathize with you.

Thank you Golden Eve and Jennifer. I like your idea, Jennifer, of only scheduling that event. And rewarding myself. I also appreciate you saying, Golden Eve, that sometimes I have to push myself. I found this too: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-1304...depressed.html

I can relate, as well Rewarding yourself everytime you do it seems like a good idea.

Like others, I too do this more than I would like to admit... In fact, just before reading this I did the exact thing by telling my friend I can't make our night out this evening because I really do not feel like I could cope with it... Instead I will stay at home where I feel comfortable (aside from issues with relationship, but that's another issue...). I often prefer my own company over social situations.

I am trying to get better by taking smaller steps, then making sure I recognise and appreciate them... e.g. going out for lunch with a friend one on one instead rather than a big night out (actually getting there instead of bailing last minute). Some days are better than others but when I succeed I feel quite refreshed, and then don't feel so bad about spending time by myself to relax/ recover XD

Hope you are feeling better soon