Originally Posted by Peter A

Well, I recently had my primary account banned on a forum...and here's the cracker! A flipping troll requested that I be banned, or he would not quit spamming the site until they did so. Never did anything wrong. They have no moderators there. No sue-fire way of dealing with spam attacks. Little regulation occurs. Nothing.

Thank yourself lucky; I've had tons of abuse to deal with on the Internet for years now. Years!

It's a haven for menaces.

Oh geez. I'm very sorry to hear this. Unmoderated forums are going to be bad news and as you said, a haven for menaces. I'm sorry you've dealt with so much abuse from the internet. What is wrong with people???? I always ask myself this.

[SheilaKathy]

Really! I echo that, What is wrong with these people? I think they are the ones that need therapy, not us. They need what is called EMPATHY TRAINING. They have no clue about how they make others feel.

I just read about this kind of training in a book called BULLYING AMONG OLDER ADULTS by Robin P. Bonifas. There is a website that she mentions too:

http://www.dlmculture.com

Trolls and bullies and the like need this program, as well as we who are targetted by them.

Originally Posted by SheilaKathy

Really! I echo that, What is wrong with these people? I think they are the ones that need therapy, not us. They need what is called EMPATHY TRAINING. They have no clue about how they make others feel.

I just read about this kind of training in a book called BULLYING AMONG OLDER ADULTS by Robin P. Bonifas. There is a website that she mentions too:

http://www.dlmculture.com

Trolls and bullies and the like need this program, as well as we who are targetted by them.

Agreed!!! I added this little sombrero guy just to give you a smile!

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

I've left an online mental health forum, I will not mention which one, because it was far too toxic for me and I am left with uneasy and bad feelings now.

The site owner is beyond abusive to members, the members themselves often are abusive, mean and way out of line and even though the site is moderated, the restrictions applied are often unfair and do not match the offending party's wrongdoing (depending on which moderator responds). I find that one moderator is particularly strict, while others are loosey goosey and allow poor behaviors to go unchecked.

The reason why I make this post is I have negative residual feelings and resentment for the unfairness and toxicity of the site. I didn't know where to post this exactly...

I ran into many members who had treated me poorly, even though I provided kindness, compassion and support to many on there. I was always nice to everyone and didn't deserve the poor treatment I received. This is often the case for me IRL, too.

One member, a supposed friend of mine, made a very mean comment and judgement towards me, which seemed passive aggressive in nature and seemed to come out of nowhere. This was the final straw that caused me to leave, and now I can see that she is stalking my profile on there, checking it nearly every day. All I ever did was support her in every way, yet when I really needed her support during my breakup, I feel she kind of resented it. The friendship was one-sided, with me providing most of the support. I was really offended and hurt by her comment.

This is perhaps the last incident that occurred that has left me feeling negative, sad and just well.... tarnished in a way. The toxicity won't leave me.

I know this will pass in time, but has anyone else had a negative experience on a mental health forum and feel practically traumatized by it? Would love to hear people's thoughts and/or experiences.

Thank you so much for reading, and in advance, for your kind support.

I left a MH forum because I was repeatedly attacked by a member and admin. wouldn't do anything about it.I followed all the proper procedures,reporting the persons posts,sending a msg to mods and admin.,tried ignoring the person,etc. When I finally had enough and stood up for myself I received a msg from admin to "not provoke" the person any further by responding.I then replied to the msg about all the horrible things the person was saying about me and was once again reprimanded for provoking by not ignoring the posts about me.

It took awhile to get over it.I was going back to the site and seeing the persons attacking posts that were still there and it made me get upset all over again each time I went there,so I finally stopped altogether.Not going back was the solution for me.Sometimes I still think about it and it still upsets me.It was such an unfair experience.But,the other person was part of a clique I wasn't a part of,which included the admin being in that circle too.The ones outside of it were treated so unfairly.

Originally Posted by RubyRae

I left a MH forum because I was repeatedly attacked by a member and admin. wouldn't do anything about it.I followed all the proper procedures,reporting the persons posts,sending a msg to mods and admin.,tried ignoring the person,etc. When I finally had enough and stood up for myself I received a msg from admin to "not provoke" the person any further by responding.I then replied to the msg about all the horrible things the person was saying about me and was once again reprimanded for provoking by not ignoring the posts about me.

It took awhile to get over it.I was going back to the site and seeing the persons attacking posts that were still there and it made me get upset all over again each time I went there,so I finally stopped altogether.Not going back was the solution for me.Sometimes I still think about it and it still upsets me.It was such an unfair experience.But,the other person was part of a clique I wasn't a part of,which included the admin being in that circle too.The ones outside of it were treated so unfairly.

Oh dear. That forum sounds HORRIBLE... just horrendous. Clearly admin had their policies all backwards by favoring the attacker over you being attacked. I am very glad you eventually stopped checking the site. That's like continuing to keep the wounds open and fresh, which I had to learn, too. It's the only way and the healthiest way -- to simply detach and distance yourself. I am sure it's still upsetting... mine is too and probably will be for quite some time.

I finally cut myself off from two friends from there. I really don't want any more to do with my own site that I've been talking about, including those associated with it. The whole experience for me became tainted. I don't want to be reminded.

((((hugs)))))

Originally Posted by golden_eve

I've left an online mental health forum, I will not mention which one, because it was far too toxic for me and I am left with uneasy and bad feelings now.

The site owner is beyond abusive to members, the members themselves often are abusive, mean and way out of line and even though the site is moderated, the restrictions applied are often unfair and do not match the offending party's wrongdoing (depending on which moderator responds). I find that one moderator is particularly strict, while others are loosey goosey and allow poor behaviors to go unchecked.

The reason why I make this post is I have negative residual feelings and resentment for the unfairness and toxicity of the site. I didn't know where to post this exactly...

I ran into many members who had treated me poorly, even though I provided kindness, compassion and support to many on there. I was always nice to everyone and didn't deserve the poor treatment I received. This is often the case for me IRL, too.

One member, a supposed friend of mine, made a very mean comment and judgement towards me, which seemed passive aggressive in nature and seemed to come out of nowhere. This was the final straw that caused me to leave, and now I can see that she is stalking my profile on there, checking it nearly every day. All I ever did was support her in every way, yet when I really needed her support during my breakup, I feel she kind of resented it. The friendship was one-sided, with me providing most of the support. I was really offended and hurt by her comment.

This is perhaps the last incident that occurred that has left me feeling negative, sad and just well.... tarnished in a way. The toxicity won't leave me.

I know this will pass in time, but has anyone else had a negative experience on a mental health forum and feel practically traumatized by it? Would love to hear people's thoughts and/or experiences.

Thank you so much for reading, and in advance, for your kind support.

I am sorry this happened to you.

forums shouldn't be a bad, abusive experience, especially if they are mental health related. they should be kind and supportive, I suppose I can argue yes... you can get bad members everywhere you go, not like that what you described.
just know that will never happen here.

hugs

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

I am sorry this happened to you.

forums shouldn't be a bad, abusive experience, especially if they are mental health related. they should be kind and supportive, I suppose I can argue yes... you can get bad members everywhere you go, not like that what you described.
just know that will never happen here.

hugs

thank you.... interestingly, this other site has many poor reviews online, all saying the same things about the abusiveness. It's rampant throughout.

I am so very glad I found PC instead! I feel safe here, and there are so many wonderful members.

Thank you for your kind words.

[SheilaKathy]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

I am sorry this happened to you.

forums shouldn't be a bad, abusive experience, especially if they are mental health related. they should be kind and supportive, I suppose I can argue yes... you can get bad members everywhere you go, not like that what you described.
just know that will never happen here.

hugs

Thanks. We need that assurance that it won't happen here. After what we have been through, it is nice to know that we are protected here.

[Anonymous37919]

Sorry. I typed sue-fire in my previous reply instead of sure-fire. Damn keys. Do you not think it would be a better idea if members could go back and edit their posts at any time? I usually read my message through before I hit the post button, but the odd typo can occur.

Anyway, I think that other forum I was on has a very incompetent owner. I mean, who the heck leaves a busy forum with no moderators despite there being members that still sign in a lot and contribute? The troll knows about that too. It's a stupid move.

But, yeah. 5 years of posts down the drain because of one worthless a-hole requesting I be banned. I'd been posting there since 2012 and was banned last week because of one idiot. Jesus!

Originally Posted by Peter A

Sorry. I typed sue-fire in my previous reply instead of sure-fire. Damn keys. Do you not think it would be a better idea if members could go back and edit their posts at any time? I usually read my message through before I hit the post button, but the odd typo can occur.

Anyway, I think that other forum I was on has a very incompetent owner. I mean, who the heck leaves a busy forum with no moderators despite there being members that still sign in a lot and contribute? The troll knows about that too. It's a stupid move.

But, yeah. 5 years of posts down the drain because of one worthless a-hole requesting I be banned. I'd been posting there since 2012 and was banned last week because of one idiot. Jesus!

It does sound very irresponsible of the owner -- very.

5 years and this just happened? It's still fresh. I am very sorry. :/ That's a long time to have devoted. Wish I had more comforting words for you, but I've found this place to be wonderful so far, so I am glad you made it here!

[Anonymous37919]

There's a guy I liked on here. He deleted his account. That was ages ago.

Originally Posted by Peter A

There's a guy I liked on here. He deleted his account. That was ages ago.

That's too bad. Though you will find many wonderful other people on here too!!

Yeah, I used one other site myself (I won't disclose it's name for obvious reasons) where I was hurt from a lot of bad stuff (including a negative experience with trying to date a girl that I met on Facebook that hurt me really badly) that I was dealing with at that time and I made a post saying that I couldn't get a girlfriend because I didn't have any money so I wanted money and power so women would respect me and want to be with me and I was told by a few members to go kill myself.

Needless to say, I gave up on MH forums for awhile after that.

[Turtle_Rider]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

OMG!!!!!!!!!

You've GOT to be kidding me.

I just posted on that forum saying this:

I am fine, peeps. Well, closer to fine, by Indigo Girls. Just saying hello, sending big hugs to everyone and hoping things improve for all those who are suffering.It's been a little while, but I will soon disappear again.

AND received a message from a moderator saying I had quoted someone and the quote had to be removed and edited, etc.

I am beyond done with this forum. WHY I felt I had to post to say ANYTHING is ridiculous.

I'm sorry, but I'm loled a bit when I read this post. It's really ridiculous.
If I know what site it is, I probably signed up to troll in my very spare-boring time at work. That kind of forum will be fun for troll.

Anyway keep us informed. You should go off from that site.

[Anonymous37919]

I used to go to some autism forums. Actual autism forums. I don't now. They said it was my fault for losing my support, as well as my flat. But I'm trying to move past that era. There's no point in living in the past. They're getting on with their lives now anyway.

[SheilaKathy]

Yes, I'm looking at this 5 years thing too. I was on that other forum for about 5 years without incident. Then I made one mistake which I think was an honest mistake, because the warning against doing it is in pale grey letters, which my eyes did not see. Yes, the warning is there, but I think it should not be so invisible.

Then I got attacked in private emails on that forum, thought it was not worth the bother to report (big mistake) and then the person who started the email deleted it, so I had no way to prove who started it, when I decided to speak out about it and complain.

Then, when I made another mistake, that was not even in the rules at all! I got banned. Then, when I had a Bipolar Manic, they banned me again, because of "dysregulation" and my being manic.

I've mentioned some of this here before, but all this happened in the last few months, whereas I had 5 years of donating $$$ to the place and no hassles what so ever. I thought my record should have spoken for itself, but I guess not. I am still under a ban there until the 26th.

I want to communicate with the few friends I MAY still have there and let them know they can Private Message me. I might continue to write in my DIARY there. Also, I might say something on my profile. However, other than that, I am DONE. DONE DONE DONE!!!

I really don't feel I did anything that was so outrageous that I should have been banned 3 times in the last 3 months, and never have been banned for 5 years before that. It just does not make sense. I am quite sure it has to do with "the IN crowd" there, whose toes I probably stepped on. I did not break rules in doing so, so they had to find "things" which are not in the rules to ban me for. Just because I stepped on the "wrong" toes.

Originally Posted by Turtle_Rider

I'm sorry, but I'm loled a bit when I read this post. It's really ridiculous.
If I know what site it is, I probably signed up to troll in my very spare-boring time at work. That kind of forum will be fun for troll.

Anyway keep us informed. You should go off from that site.

Yes, I am off that site entirely now. =) Wipes hands. Moving on.

Originally Posted by SheilaKathy

Yes, I'm looking at this 5 years thing too. I was on that other forum for about 5 years without incident. Then I made one mistake which I think was an honest mistake, because the warning against doing it is in pale grey letters, which my eyes did not see. Yes, the warning is there, but I think it should not be so invisible.

Then I got attacked in private emails on that forum, thought it was not worth the bother to report (big mistake) and then the person who started the email deleted it, so I had no way to prove who started it, when I decided to speak out about it and complain.

Then, when I made another mistake, that was not even in the rules at all! I got banned. Then, when I had a Bipolar Manic, they banned me again, because of "dysregulation" and my being manic.

I've mentioned some of this here before, but all this happened in the last few months, whereas I had 5 years of donating $$$ to the place and no hassles what so ever. I thought my record should have spoken for itself, but I guess not. I am still under a ban there until the 26th.

I want to communicate with the few friends I MAY still have there and let them know they can Private Message me. I might continue to write in my DIARY there. Also, I might say something on my profile. However, other than that, I am DONE. DONE DONE DONE!!!

I really don't feel I did anything that was so outrageous that I should have been banned 3 times in the last 3 months, and never have been banned for 5 years before that. It just does not make sense. I am quite sure it has to do with "the IN crowd" there, whose toes I probably stepped on. I did not break rules in doing so, so they had to find "things" which are not in the rules to ban me for. Just because I stepped on the "wrong" toes.

I've found quite recently that this site seems to have an 'in crowd'. It seems that unless you totally agree with one of the 'in crowd' then I've found, you get ignored! I clicked on a post this morning wanting to give someone some supportive words, only to find that person had blocked me. I don't even know this person either! I guess, my face doesn't fit!

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by SheilaKathy

Yes, I'm looking at this 5 years thing too. I was on that other forum for about 5 years without incident. Then I made one mistake which I think was an honest mistake, because the warning against doing it is in pale grey letters, which my eyes did not see. Yes, the warning is there, but I think it should not be so invisible.

Then I got attacked in private emails on that forum, thought it was not worth the bother to report (big mistake) and then the person who started the email deleted it, so I had no way to prove who started it, when I decided to speak out about it and complain.

Then, when I made another mistake, that was not even in the rules at all! I got banned. Then, when I had a Bipolar Manic, they banned me again, because of "dysregulation" and my being manic.

I've mentioned some of this here before, but all this happened in the last few months, whereas I had 5 years of donating $$$ to the place and no hassles what so ever. I thought my record should have spoken for itself, but I guess not. I am still under a ban there until the 26th.

I want to communicate with the few friends I MAY still have there and let them know they can Private Message me. I might continue to write in my DIARY there. Also, I might say something on my profile. However, other than that, I am DONE. DONE DONE DONE!!!

I really don't feel I did anything that was so outrageous that I should have been banned 3 times in the last 3 months, and never have been banned for 5 years before that. It just does not make sense. I am quite sure it has to do with "the IN crowd" there, whose toes I probably stepped on. I did not break rules in doing so, so they had to find "things" which are not in the rules to ban me for. Just because I stepped on the "wrong" toes.

I know which site you are talking about because I have been a member there for 7 years.I haven't posted there for about 5 years though because of all the b.s. that goes on.I do,however read posts there nearly every day without logging in.There's alot of helpful info on there,many people experiencing the same things I do,that's why I read there.But as far as being an active member,no thank you,there's too many rude members,too many cliques and the owner,well he seems to think he knows it all and has all the answers and just disagreeing with anything he says can be cause for a member getting banned,it's either his way or the highway.

[SheilaKathy]

Originally Posted by RubyRae

I know which site you are talking about because I have been a member there for 7 years.I haven't posted there for about 5 years though because of all the b.s. that goes on.I do,however read posts there nearly every day without logging in.There's alot of helpful info on there,many people experiencing the same things I do,that's why I read there.But as far as being an active member,no thank you,there's too many rude members,too many cliques and the owner,well he seems to think he knows it all and has all the answers and just disagreeing with anything he says can be cause for a member getting banned,it's either his way or the highway.

Yes, there is helpful info, it is true. And I do compare notes sometimes and say to myself, "I have experienced that, and I don't feel so alone now that I know others do or feel that too."

You are right about the rest of it though. I am feeling so OUT of the IN CROWD there right now, and I don't see any way to fix it. Every time I try to fix it, I dig myself deeper into hot water.

I remember that I said I was feeling like leaving because of all the negativity there, and the owner chided me, accusing me of "trying to get attention" and said basically to just leave and not say I was leaving. In other words, don't say anything wrong about his "IN CROWD" and his little "Pets", just leave quietly without complaining about anyone or anything. So, he cannot take criticism well, nor even if it is about others. Don't criticize his website at all, in other words, or you are going to become "toast."

I know I will be watched very closely when and if I return there. Any little mis-step, and I will probably get banned forever. I'm afraid to even go there and just plain BREATHE! For cryin' out loud!!!

[TheWell]

Hello all,
I think it is time to close this thread. Unfortunately when people start talking about specifics of issues that have happened on other websites it can start to cause issues here.

Please do not start another thread on this topic.
I am available by PM if you have any questions.
TheWell