[Peter_Sky]

I posted the post below in another community and a helpful person suggested seeking help here. Thank you for taking the time to read my post, Peter

Hi,
I have no idea if this is the right forum to seek advice on this issue but if not maybe someone maybe able to direct me to somewhere more appropriate.

My brother is 40 years old and for the last few years I have seen a dramatic change in his personality. Up until a few years ago he was a kind caring sensitive person and would not hurt a fly.

I am not sure when the change started, it was just little subtle changes at first, increased anger, mood swings, depression, and telling lies to others and himself.

He has always lied to get out of a problem that he can not face, but each time it is getting more and more serious, he lies to get money, and will steel from me and deny doing it, and I am not talking a few $ I am talking mega bucks $100K to date. Recently he crossed the line and committed fraud by getting a loan in my name and impersonating me to obtain it, this could lead to prosecution by the bank as they found out.

Over the last few months he has attempted suicide twice and ended up in hospital. He has been on antidepressants for about six months, these have reduced his anger and calmed him down, but his lies have increased.

He has seen a Doctor GP and has been referred to a councillor, but this could take months before he is seen. He admits that he has a problem, and he has changed, and when he does something like stealing or obtaining money he does not see it wrong at the time but soon after he regrets doing it.

I have no idea where we go from here, we have no money left, no support and we are keeping this in the family. I can see soon that the crunch will come and my brother could either end up in prison or he will try to take his own live again.

Sorry that this post has been so long but I am desperate for help and advice,

Peter

[Rapunzel]

Hi Peter. You're not in an easy situation by any means with your brother. It sounds like his problems are serious, and it's good that he has been seen by a doctor, but six months to wait to see a counselor sounds like a long time. Did the doctor prescribe any medicine? It sounds like it would also be appropriate for your brother to see a psychiatrist, as medication can help during the times when he is getting in trouble and doesn't see it as wrong. Actually, he would need to take the medicine all the time in order to prevent those episodes.

Other than monitoring your brother and making sure that he goes to his appointments, there isn't a lot that yoiu can do. We can't change other people, only support them and help them to change when they are willing to do the work. If he is stealing from you or hurting you, you need to hold him accountable. Don't cover for him. If you brush it off and make it look not so bad, he'll keep doing it and it will keep getting worse until you can't cover it up anymore, and he'll be in much bigger trouble than if you hold him accountable now.

You might also check into NAMI http://www.nami.org/ for more information and support.

[Labyssum]

I can totally relate. My brother has changed completely in the last two years, as he got into drugs. I agree with Rapunzel, you can only support him and wait for him to change...But look after yourself first. (*HUGS*).

[eskielover]

The best way for him to get help might be if he is prosecuted for doing the inpersonation & stealing.......a judge could force him to get the help he needs.

Obviously, not knowing more & just from what I read, it sounds like he is into drugs or gambling or something where he is in massive debt & has to pay someone off (blackmail).

It that's the case, he can't say anything or they kill him....so he kills himself to get out of the situation?????

Just a question?.....otherwise, maybe there is something wrong in his brain (tumor or any other possibilities).

Waiting for help isn't going to help & honestly, maybe if family knows rather than trying to protect them from him.....maybe they could offer some ideas for help rather than trying to hide the problem from them. You never really know where the right contact might come from to get him the help he really needs.

He definitely needs to be held responsible for his actions & not allowed to get away with any of it......if it is someone else who is after him for money.....a judge that is prosecuting him, might come up with the truth.

Of course, this is just an idea

[pachyderm]

Peter:

"My brother is 40 years old and for the last few years I have seen a dramatic change in his personality. Up until a few years ago he was a kind caring sensitive person and would not hurt a fly."

My thoughts: this might be a clue. I can think of two possibilities. One, that there is some organic cause. That should be looked into. Two, if he felt he had to be extra "nice" growing up, maybe now he is no longer able to support that approach to life, and his real needs are becoming evident.

In either case I think he should (!) get help as soon as possible. Psychotropic medications are, in my opinion, not sufficient help all by themselves. I hope you can find somebody to pay attention before it is too late. Try to find someone. I know how hard it can sometimes be. Keep at it. In my area there are public mental health facilities that charge only by how much one can pay. I know that there is often a waiting period, but maybe the prospect of coming help will be enough to forestall any tragedies.