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#1
Oct 30, 2007, 01:20 PM
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This is the first year since I was 11 that I havnet passed out candy at my dads for halloween. Thats been 28 yrs of doing this. I will miss not making chili and taking that in for when neighbors and family stop by cold and hungry when they are done with trick or treating everywhere else. The happy yet tired faces on the little kids. Showing all their candy but yet grumpy and wanting hugs from grandpa and yes even me. But no more will that happen. Father is still in the nursing home and probably will never return home. No longer am I a part of their lives.
Some days I sit here and think of all my mistakes. And I count the losses of those mistakes. It starts on this holiday already and will continue on for the rest of my life. My family is no more. Funny how there were days I wished for this. Because I was so fed up with how they treated my dad and me. I dont know where I am going with talking about this. Guess I just needed to tell someone. Maybe because I do miss him.Maybe because I wonder if he misses me.
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#2
Oct 30, 2007, 01:33 PM
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(((((((((((((( Bethy )))))))))))))))
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#3
Oct 30, 2007, 02:36 PM
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beth hon have you gone to see him lately? since this happened? ((((hugs))))
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He who angers you controls you! |
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#4
Oct 30, 2007, 02:53 PM
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beth.....i totally understand your feelings and you sadness.....i too "lost" my family......this was along time ago but sometimes it still hurts and i miss what might have been........what you need to do is embrace those who are still in your life.....i leaned on my husbands family and that helped alot....can you do this also?.its a horrible feeling not to have a family of your own but try to remember the pain they put you through and even though there are things you will miss......now you don't have that pain......its hard i know.....
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#5
Oct 30, 2007, 11:02 PM
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Bethy maybe you could go over to the house and still hand out candy at the same time you can let the neighbors know how your Dad is doing
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 A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck. |
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#6
Oct 30, 2007, 11:08 PM
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 I hear how much you are hurting. Hope the hug helps. Islander |
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#7
Oct 30, 2007, 11:34 PM
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beth,
It's so hard looking back at what was...happy times....the things that meant something in our lives...things that were traditions....time that are past. It sounds like you need to spend some time with your Dad now that he's in the nursing home & make sure he knows you still are there with him in heart...don't let that pass out of your life when it's something you can have control over. I'm sure that he needs to know you are still here for him & haven't forgotten him because he's in the nursing home. Maybe Halloween would be a good time to take a rememberence to him & bring back those memories for him too.....it might just be something he would really enjoy & bring some light into his life now that he isn't in his home anymore either. You still have your Dad, Debbie
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 Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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#8
Oct 31, 2007, 12:34 AM
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Although your dad is not at home anymore, he is still around, and he can still be in your life. If he is in a nursing home, he still could use some hugs and conversation.
My dad and my stepmother are in assisted care. She is in a full-time Alzheimer's unit, and he is in a facility next door. We found this place for them after the old place told us they couldn't have her there anymore. He can visit her anytime he wants. It is just about a two-to-three minute walk. Although I live about 75 miles away, I visit them every two weeks. Although Dad moves slowly now, and has become forgetful, I enjoy the small amount of time I get to spend with him. It seems to be a highlight for him, too. This weekend my wife and daughter will visit also. Dad and I have a good relationship. We always have. His world has changed so much over the last three years, but he knows he can count on family. Your dad can count on family, too.
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Enjoy life. You could have been a barnacle. bfG |
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#9
Oct 31, 2007, 01:38 AM
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If you could go and visit him and take photo albums of happier times. It won't be the same but it will fill the void a little.
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#10
Oct 31, 2007, 01:43 AM
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(((sunshine))) Depression is causing you to regard your decisions as mistakes. Just like you are making decisions now about how to handle this holiday, you are doing the best you can. If you try and go back and evaluate decisions made in the past, one usually does it by today's standards, and it just isn't fair that way.
Do your best. You have some good ideas from the thread. Be gentle with yourself.
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#11
Oct 31, 2007, 07:00 AM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
eskielover said: beth, It's so hard looking back at what was...happy times....the things that meant something in our lives...things that were traditions....time that are past. It sounds like you need to spend some time with your Dad now that he's in the nursing home & make sure he knows you still are there with him in heart...don't let that pass out of your life when it's something you can have control over. I'm sure that he needs to know you are still here for him & haven't forgotten him because he's in the nursing home. Maybe Halloween would be a good time to take a rememberence to him & bring back those memories for him too.....it might just be something he would really enjoy & bring some light into his life now that he isn't in his home anymore either. You still have your Dad, Debbie </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> such a good post debbie "very wise" I agree with Debbie maybe seeing your Dad would help. I am sure he feels alone right now too. The both of you can be together tonight. Bring stuff to them home if you can . All the other residents would enjoy that, As Debbie said your Dad is still here........... |
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#12
Oct 31, 2007, 08:46 AM
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I'll do my best. Right now I know I wont be going tonight to see him. I am sick. I got the bronchitis my husband has.So I dont think it would be a good idea to take this out there to him or the nursing home in general. I really did tell him not to kiss me!! I wont be able to pass out candy at his house either. It was last night in our town. I also had to cancel my T appt this morning. Waiting to call to see if my dr will call in an antibiotic for me so I dont have to pay the copay for office visit. Please pray that they can do that otherwise I cant go till at least Friday.
Thanks for the suggestions. I'll take them into consideration so that maybe I can at least take him some candy.
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#13
Nov 01, 2007, 01:32 AM
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{{{{{{{{{{{Bethy}}}}}}}}}}}} It's time to invent new traditions. It's difficult and painful, but it can be done.
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
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#14
Nov 01, 2007, 01:40 AM
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Guess I started it out good.. by getting sick then lol.. We'll see what I can come up with next year ..ty hon
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