[cool09]

Except for me. How come teachers didn't help me? I was a wreck in high school. I've received SSDI the last 15 years.

I think it's a lot easier to look at other people's lives and think "Wow, they have this and this and this, they must be so happy, etc". But the reality is, everyone struggles with their own issues. Nobody's life is 100% successful and 100% happy.

I can relate to the comparison game though, it is easy to get stuck in. Sometimes I look at my HS friends, with their university or college degrees, good jobs, while I am on disability, working part-time, and going back to school next year at the age of 26. But it helps me to look at what I do have going for me, and to try not to compare myself to others.

I am sorry you didn't feel like your teachers were helpful.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry. A bad childhood can definitely influence your life... and help can come too late, sometimes.
What are your ex-classmates doing, exactly?

[TishaBuv]

Don’t assume they are all happy.

I question, how do you know they are all happy?

I will use my support group as an example. Of the 35 or so regular members, they represent quite a cross section of socio-demography. There were just as many people who came from situations where they seemed to have it all as unhappy as people struggling to get by. Sometimes people with it all are actually hanging onto it by a thread or find no satisfaction or contentment despite having things. Material gain is by no means an indicator of happiness.

As for the apparent shortcomings of your teachers, I think you need to describe more the situation and put the issue into context. For example, they cannot ultimately fix things and make your life better.

[avlady]

Yes, the grass is greener on the other side!!!not really

[cool09]

What are your ex-classmates doing, exactly?

I see them on Facebook and they all seem very successful and happy with families. I was a train wreck in HS. I stopped talking at age 13 because I couldn't talk and I couldn't feel myself (detachment). I had out-of-body experiences. The least they could have done was send me to the Guidance Counselor. I remember a couple times I refused to take part in Chemistry class, English (I was high at the time) and Gym.

[NatsukiKuga]

Originally Posted by cool09

I see them on Facebook.

That was your first mistake.

Does any of us post on FB that we have a drinking problem, or that our kid got arrested for carjacking?

Does anyone show pictures of the black eye their spouse gave them in a domestic dispute, or a movie of their beating a child?

What about mentioning being excited about the new job but never mentioning having been fired from the previous one more than a year ago?

Facebook is a billboard of narcissism. Everyone shouts "Look at me! Look at me! I'm so happy I could just scream!"

Facebook is like a swimsuit. It shows what you want it to show, but it keeps all your shame under wraps.

Originally Posted by NatsukiKuga

That was your first mistake.

Does any of us post on FB that we have a drinking problem, or that our kid got arrested for carjacking?

Does anyone show pictures of the black eye their spouse gave them in a domestic dispute, or a movie of their beating a child?

What about mentioning being excited about the new job but never mentioning having been fired from the previous one more than a year ago?

Facebook is a billboard of narcissism. Everyone shouts "Look at me! Look at me! I'm so happy I could just scream!"

Facebook is like a swimsuit. It shows what you want it to show, but it keeps all your shame under wraps.

I agree entirely. Facebook is no indication of the real world. People present themselves as the persona they wish to be seen for.

I certainly didn't broadcast that I was living in squalor for a time. I didn't broadcast my career aspirations came to an end. On the contrary if one was to only look at my Facebook profile they would see an incredibly active outdoors person living the life of an exciting adventure. People commented they wanted to live my life and how fortunate I was. They didn't see however the person hanging on by thread. It wasn't until I was first hospitalised that people had any idea all was not well or perfect. The most common thing then said by people was, "I didn't realise..."

Incidentally my own mental health problems surfaced in high school too. I must have hid it well as no one made offer to help. I too have thought the what-if scenario as to where I would be now if only a guidance counsellor had stepped in. I realise though that I was just as responsible for asking for help as they were for giving it. I realise that stable mental health starts with me.

[Pavlov's Cat]

There's always people more happy or successful or lucky, and always people who are less so.

You have to focus on running your own race, improving and comparing yourself to yourself, rather than look at what everyone else is doing.

[*Laurie*]

Facebook has its place, but please trust me when I tell you that people post that which they want others to see and believe.

What actual contact do you have with these people outside of social media? My ten year reunion was an eye-opening experience for seeing the reality of everyone's situation. Although I never attended, I am told the 25 year reunion was even more so. Some of the people leading the most difficult lives tend to be those with the most perfect social media presence.

Another question... I have the impression you are going from profile to profile and holding them up to scrutiny. Is this so? I would encourage you to stop doing this. You are certainly not doing yourself a favour.

Lastly, take this opportunity to fine tune your Facebook account. What does your own profile suggest about yourself? Would you agree that you too have tended to emphasize the positive and left out the more difficult aspects of your life? So too, consider those that you have friended. Are you really friends? What are you gaining from being friends with these people? I am pretty extreme in that every single person on my list I know personally offline. You may not need to do that but I do recommend you whittle your own list down.

[NatsukiKuga]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

What actual contact do you have with these people outside of social media? ... consider those that you have friended.

Heh. Excellent point. Facebook gave me the chance to reconnect with people with whom I was perfectly fine having lost contact for the last thirty years.

[eskielover]

Lol....at my 10 year high school reunion I had just received my BS degree & was starting my computer engineering degree. 10 yeaes aftef because I floundered for awhile getting an AA in music a useless major for me. I had no help in high school from teachers. They were busy helping those they knew would be successful because they were excelling in high school. My parents had no concept of what a college education was about & my dad didn't even want me going to college (but thought it was nice after I graduated & ended up in a good career).

Teachers not investing time is something like in business called "return on investment". It depends on where they are coming from, what kind of return they are looking for. Helping someone in trouble or helping someone succeed who already shows potential. They usually are ONLY thinking about career success, not personal success.

I had to sort out my life all the way through because my parents were so dysfunctional & even though I excelled in school most of the time, I was quiet & shy because of my family so I basically always flew below the radar.

Lol..I remember a guy at out 10 year class reunion who I had gone all the way through school with (unusual because our graduating class in 1970 was over 1000 kids). He always puffed himself up & at the reunion he was no different. Instead of just being a normal down to earth person, he came in wearing a big old cowboy hat (our school was in Los Angeles), bragging about moving to Texas & having a wonderful paying job & he made sure to drive up to the venue in a BRIGHT YELLOW NEW Comero. I still swear he rented the car just to make that huge impression because that was ALWAYS his personality.

Yes, I looked successful, I had my Accounting & Conputer Science Degree I finally ended up with, had a successful computer engineering career (that only lasted 15 years). I was married to another engineer. We owned a home, had our daughter. I was akso treasurer of our HOA in our first house, I performed my flute is chamber groups, did backpacking trips into the Sierra's & Rockies, winter vacationed to Jackson Hole to our condo for skiing every year for 20 years.

BUT...........that did NOT SHOW all the fighting that went on at home & how miserable is qas to be married to the person I was married to. I had to go on strike doing things to force him to do anything in the family & I was ALWAYS cleaning up messes he made financially. It got so bad after I no longer had my career that ending my life seemed like my ONLY option to get out on the marriage I was then financially trapped in.

What looks good from the outside isn't always what is going on in someone's life. This was back in the late 90's long before FB even existed.

No, people don't air their dirty laundry publically & sometimes they don't even understand their own dirty laundry at the time. It took me 7 years after leaving before I was able to put my own puzzle pieces together to understand even mist of what I have written here.

[cool09]

Would you agree that you too have tended to emphasize the positive and left out the more difficult aspects of your life? So too, consider those that you have friended. Are you really friends?

My FB page is blank with 1 friend who I know from the hospital. I have been very sick the last 20 years and I don't want to connect with anyone. I wasn't friends with these people in HS, I was very sick in HS and an outcast. I'm not scrutinizing anyone. I'm just taking them at face value.

[eskielover]

Problem is that the face value people out out on FB rarely has anything to do with REALITY....so it is not safe to assume that face value is related to reality.

[NatsukiKuga]

Originally Posted by cool09

My FB page is blank with 1 friend who I know from the hospital. I have been very sick the last 20 years and I don't want to connect with anyone. I wasn't friends with these people in HS, I was very sick in HS and an outcast. I'm not scrutinizing anyone. I'm just taking them at face value.

Well, there you go. There's

- Selection bias (if you don't judge your life "FB worthy," you don't post)

- The bias of only putting life's triumphs on FB

- The network effect in that posts carry more social value the more friends you have

- Simply getting lots of (or little) value out of the connections

There are a lot of reasons to inflate (or not even post) one's life's events.

I'll repeat: Facebook drives narcissistic behavior. It encourages it. The happy gets overblown, and everything else swept carefully and silently under the rug.

Anyway, you shouldn't use Facebook. They sell your data to all sorts of dirtbags.

[cool09]

Problem is that the face value people out out on FB rarely has anything to do with REALITY....so it is not safe to assume that face value is related to reality.

I've known most of these people from 1st grade and they're genuinely good people. I just wanted to see what they're doing these days.

[Blueberrybook]

One of my sisters (no psych issues) went off social media altogether. She said the things people were posting made her feel inadequate as a wife & mother.

I agree, most people want to paint their lives as perfect. It is far from the reality. Case in point, my sister. She is an awesome stay-at-home mom, but it is a very hard job. I know. I am a stay-at-home mom too (though she has 3 kids and I have only one). Things other moms post on FB, you'd think they never had meltdowns, got upset with their "perfect" children, had days when they felt they just couldn't do it any more, days that were so hard and trying, they couldn't fix dinner because it was just too much. No stay-at-home mom has a life that perfect, that's for certain! If they say they do, they are lying. And no child is an angel 100% of the time, I don't care how cute they are. People just post the pics of themselves looking like a perfect, happy family, cooking outrageously fancy meals or desserts, and I'm sure sometimes it's true, but no way is it ALWAYS true.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by cool09

I've known most of these people from 1st grade and they're genuinely good people. I just wanted to see what they're doing these days.

Good people don't usually air their bad stuff on FB. I have neved posted on FB about the horrible time I am having getting a divorce from the impissibke person I stayed martied to for way too long. Mist good peopke don't put that kinda stuff on FB

[NatsukiKuga]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Good people don't usually air their bad stuff on FB. I have neved posted on FB about the horrible time I am having getting a divorce from the impissibke person I stayed martied to for way too long. Mist good peopke don't put that kinda stuff on FB

Come to think about it, wouldn't it be great to have something where you publicly aired your grievances with life via social network?

I'd call it Kvetchbook

[NatsukiKuga]

Originally Posted by NatsukiKuga

Come to think about it, wouldn't it be great to have something where you publicly aired your grievances with life via social network?

I'd call it Kvetchbook

On second thought, I'd call it Alcoholics Anonymous

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by NatsukiKuga

Come to think about it, wouldn't it be great to have something where you publicly aired your grievances with life via social network?

I'd call it Kvetchbook

There are actually places like that where I actuslly posted a warning about the home care person who I caught sbusing my mom when she was dying of cancer.

There are also sites where you can look up phone #'s you receive to see if others have been called by it & whether it's a scam # or not. People report their experiences with the # that called.

Ah yes, love to kvetch when things are bad & I have a grivence so others won't be caught by it too

[Esmme]

I don't visit facebook for this reason.

Although, I am technically more successful than any of my friends on Facebook because I am actually living out my childhood goals and dreams, but I am not nearly as happy as they appear to be.

Most of them have children and they seem happy. I don't have children, I haven't even dated anyone since middle school! Yet, I am doing more with my life to be a productive member of society than they are.

[Pavlov's Cat]

I had a dream about some people from high school.

When I woke up I remembered a quiet or geeky sort of kid and so I facebook searched him and he seems to have done ok for himself, has a family, a job and looks fairly cool.

This made me sad because I was a loner and I still am.