[NotDeadYet]

It's been a recurring thought ever since high school. I just want to be comfortable in this body but I don't think this body was originally mine? It doesn't feel like it mine? I think I just sorta took over this body sometime in middle school but I'm not truely the original person that owned it. This body causes me great dysphoria over it and I just really want to be more comfortable living. I wish to start over so that I could get a new body, it doesn't have to be anything special just something with the sex characteristics I want, you know? I feel like this one is a lost cause...

[Loose Screw x 2]

Your experience sounds very similar to what happened to me at age 14.
I'm a male human being whom at 14 began to have sexual fantasies of being female. This only happened to me while in an aroused state. Afterward I would have my normal feelings back and find the other state repulsive.
After a while it stopped happening then, later started again then, went away again.
I now believe that this was an alternate personality who was female.
I have chosen to acknowledge her existance in the collective and welcomed her back so, that she can express her feelings to me.
Does your doctor or therapist know of these feelings and when they started?
Do you have a doctor or therapist?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by NotDeadYet

It's been a recurring thought ever since high school. I just want to be comfortable in this body but I don't think this body was originally mine? It doesn't feel like it mine? I think I just sorta took over this body sometime in middle school but I'm not truely the original person that owned it. This body causes me great dysphoria over it and I just really want to be more comfortable living. I wish to start over so that I could get a new body, it doesn't have to be anything special just something with the sex characteristics I want, you know? I feel like this one is a lost cause...

I felt this way. in me this was because o a few different things. mainly because I was a lesbian, being a lesbian I did question as a teen ager whether this body was mine. Dont get me wrong I was comfortable with my sexuality I wasnt comfortable with puberty. when my body started doing its natural changes what was a normal childs body started sprouting, broadening, painful areas, glanglely legs that didnt seem to fit in but got in the way, ....going from a childs slim lined body to the ampled womans body did seem like my thoughts, opinions, views on life... just did not fit with this new womans body.

Add to that I had an eating disorder. eating disorders naturally come with feelings of not being comfortable in my body, feelings that this is not my body (I still struggle with this one from time to time)

In later years I discovered I had DID, I was an adult by this time. my dissociative disorders did not cause me to feel like the body wasnt mine. I because DID in very early childhood due to extreme trauma's that my under 5 year old brain could not handle. My alters didnt just suddenly show up one day as a teen ager taking over my body and then have a problem with being in this body. the very first alter that came into being was under 5. what Im saying is my alters were very comfortable with this body and claimed it as theirs. they didnt consider their self just an alter who swooped in. when they were in control it was their arm , their legs, their brain their everything. they didnt consider me or their selves substitutes (which is what the dictionary term alternate means) they really did function 100 percent like any other human being and considered their self to be human beings with their own bodies. they discovered we all shared a body not in teen aged years but in adulthood and still refused to call their self alternates. Rainy was a human being with a human being body who functioned just like any other person, so did Thelma and the others.

I have been on medications from time to time that make me even now after integration of my alters feel like I dont quite fit my body. my treatment providers call this medication induced psychosis. they change my meds and I am fine again.

I also have MS... a physical health problems where because of the disease my perceptions of myself are sometimes off which can at times make me feel like this body isnt mine or that I dont fit in with my body. I have learned to not think in physical terms related to this body of mine, rather to think in terms of that was the past and this is now.

my point is what ever this is in you can come from many mental and physical health things. if you want to know what it is and what it will take for you to feel better contact your or a treatment provider who can give you the various kinds of tests to diagnose and treat the problems.

[Loose Screw x 2]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

I felt this way. in me this was because o a few different things. mainly because I was a lesbian, being a lesbian I did question as a teen ager whether this body was mine. Dont get me wrong I was comfortable with my sexuality I wasnt comfortable with puberty. when my body started doing its natural changes what was a normal childs body started sprouting, broadening, painful areas, glanglely legs that didnt seem to fit in but got in the way, ....going from a childs slim lined body to the ampled womans body did seem like my thoughts, opinions, views on life... just did not fit with this new womans body.

Add to that I had an eating disorder. eating disorders naturally come with feelings of not being comfortable in my body, feelings that this is not my body (I still struggle with this one from time to time)

In later years I discovered I had DID, I was an adult by this time. my dissociative disorders did not cause me to feel like the body wasnt mine. I because DID in very early childhood due to extreme trauma's that my under 5 year old brain could not handle. My alters didnt just suddenly show up one day as a teen ager taking over my body and then have a problem with being in this body. the very first alter that came into being was under 5. what Im saying is my alters were very comfortable with this body and claimed it as theirs. they didnt consider their self just an alter who swooped in. when they were in control it was their arm , their legs, their brain their everything. they didnt consider me or their selves substitutes (which is what the dictionary term alternate means) they really did function 100 percent like any other human being and considered their self to be human beings with their own bodies. they discovered we all shared a body not in teen aged years but in adulthood and still refused to call their self alternates. Rainy was a human being with a human being body who functioned just like any other person, so did Thelma and the others.

I have been on medications from time to time that make me even now after integration of my alters feel like I dont quite fit my body. my treatment providers call this medication induced psychosis. they change my meds and I am fine again.

I also have MS... a physical health problems where because of the disease my perceptions of myself are sometimes off which can at times make me feel like this body isnt mine or that I dont fit in with my body. I have learned to not think in physical terms related to this body of mine, rather to think in terms of that was the past and this is now.

my point is what ever this is in you can come from many mental and physical health things. if you want to know what it is and what it will take for you to feel better contact your or a treatment provider who can give you the various kinds of tests to diagnose and treat the problems.

Was this answer for NotDeadYet or for me? I submitted a 12 page description of several of my childhood traumas and personality descriptions to my doctor recently. I see her again in one month.
She has 22 years experience in her profession and has studied MPD/DID.
I'll be interested to see what she says and if it isn't DID then, it is clear to me that it is a multi-conscious level of thinking and feeling. The people on the Facebook group "Living with Dissociative Identity Disorder" seemed to think that my descriptions are spot on. I really don't understand why you continue to deny the existence of my other personalities or states of mind.
It really makes us feel as though we are unwelcome here.
I can even feel the disgust flowing off of two of them right now.
Oh wait! That isn't real is it? That must be my own feelings and I'm just lying to myself and fantasizing that they are coming from somewhere else, right? Again I ask "If it isn't DID then, WHAT is it?" You're the expert. You tell me.