[seeker1950]

That's where I am now in caring for my mother. I finally got to sleep last night at 4 a.m. after being up all night attending to her. Same the night before, and then I have her all day as well. My sis comes during the week while I'm at work, and then it's up to me.
I have been battling anxiety symptoms for a couple of weeks now since having Mom here and caring for her. It actually started in the hospital while I was also taking Chantix to quit smoking, and hasn't let up even though I stopped taking it.
Sorry for the pity party here. I just needed to talk about it.
Patty

no need to apologize seeker. thats what were here for, to listen when you need to spill.

I know you have so much going on, and that HAS to be stressful.

((((seeker)))

[kimmydawn]

oh ((((((((((((( seeker )))))))))))))))))

You talk all you need to.

It is so difficult, this place you're in.

You're all in my thoughts and prayers.

KD

[eskielover]

Patty,

What you are feeling is completely normal for the situation you are in & you do deserve your pity party. It is hard because not only are you responsible for your Mother 24/7 even when you aren't attending to her because you are always thinking about her & she is in your house even though your sister is helping during the week. You are stressing & don't have a real restful sleep even when you are sleeping. That is just the way it is when you have a parent that is dying. I know for me, it was the most horrible feelings I have ever experiences & a stress level that can't be compared to anything else.

I know for me, the stress was so bad, it was made me sick. All the meds my pdoc could give me didn't help because they didn't change the situation & there was nothing I could do about it, so I completely understand how you are feeling. They say God doesn't give you more than you can handle, but I honestly think he did at that time.

I'm glad you are talking about it because it helps to know that your feelings are normal for what you are going through & others who have been is a similar situation have expeiences the same horrible feelings.

There were actually times when I was watching myself sitting next to my Mother & watching myself going through life at that time. I was watching a nightmare that I couldn't get rid of. It was the strangest sensation but I was told it was a reaction to the stress, so don't be surprised if you go through many strange feelings during this especially as the fatigue & stress progresses. I actually passed out from the stress when I was at my psychologists office.

Don't mean to alarm you, but just so you might be aware of other feelings that you might experience.
Debbie

[SeptemberMorn]

Seeker, I know just how you're feeling. When I cared for my dying mother, it wasn't long and I checked out emotionally because I couldn't handle it. I told myself it must be what a nurse does in order to care for her patients. Only difference was, I had unresolved issues with my mom that I didn't even know about.

Exhaustion will do it to you, too. Please keep talking to us, get your emotions out. If you don't it will be worse after your mom passes.

Are you availing yourself of all the help that is available to you? Get a nurse/caregiver to come sit with your mom at night, take a sleep aid and get some badly needed rest. It's not just a physical drain, it's an emotional drain as well. You need to sleep!

Keep talking to us. We're here to listen and offer whatever help we can.

[seeker1950]

Thanks, all of you, dear friends.
You really ARE like family here!
What September said, " I told myself it must be what a nurse does in order to care for her patients. Only difference was, I had unresolved issues with my mom that I didn't even know about."...really rings true for me as well.
My mom was quite physically and emotionally abusive to me all the time I was in the home growing up, and even after I had left for college, when I came home, I was still getting physically hit and emotionally berated by her.
As she has grown older, and more fragile, she has wanted a close relationship with me, but I have maintained my distance most of the time, making excuses for not visiting.
I do have compassion and love for her now as she goes thru this, and I'm kind of proud of myself for being strong enough to do all of this for her. I really couldn't bear to put her in a nursing home, and even hiring caregivers seems out of the question, knowing how private she is. It's really up to me now, and I am managing. I think/hope I will come out of this stronger and I will be glad I was able to do it.
Love
Patty

[SeptemberMorn]

Seeker, I understand completely. Just don't forget to take care of YOU in all of this. Otherwise, how are you going to last out this challenge in your life?

[bebop]

you will come out much stronger hon. maybe take some time to talk with her about your feelings. yes even forgive if you can. I know how difficult it is. we will be here for you always.

[ECHOES]

I think you have a huge heart Patty. It must be very hard.

Just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts.

[DePressMe]

Patty, you are a strong and compassionate person. I wish there was something I could say to help you...I have not had to care for a parent, so I am not sure how to help. But, please know that I care about you and I am sending positive thoughts your way.