[ShadowGX]

I find it so hard sometimes to let realism win against cynicism, especially when I have so much proof of the latter being more accurate.

For example, on a show called Code Black last night (spoilers ahead, skip to the next paragraph if you don't want to know) there was a gal who hated herself because she had gotten fat. I'm not sure what exactly she did because my client kept switching back and forth a lot like she normally does so I didn't get to see it, all I know is she almost killed herself and her boyfriend/husband and I think it was an attempt to kill herself. At the point I got to see they were in the hospital and she had been brought in via wheelchair to come visit him. She was apologizing for almost killing him, and he told her that he realizes that she's really upset because she's now fatter than she used to be, then he told her that it's all in her head and that he still loves her and wants to be with her.

Cynical me has been struggling all night with this, about 9 hours now. Because I have been turned down so much for my looks alone before the guy ever got to know me, I can't believe any guy who was somewhat attractive would ever want to be with an ugly gal, which that show is trying to claim is the case. I've also not seen a case of this IRL, only pretty or lesser girls seem to accept ugly guys. I even get turned down by guys worse looking than me for my appearance. (When I say it's because of my appearance I'm pretty sure in most of these cases that's true because conversation completely stops after they see what I look like or they have even told me I wasn't "good enough" in that department.) I should be made to feel hopeful by the event in the show, right? But nope, I'm trapped in cynical thoughts and self-loathing.

Has anyone had any success in defeating their own cynicism? I just can't seem to fight some of these thoughts, even with knowing that some are over-exaggerated by my personal experiences and emotions.

[Crystal93]

Anything on the screen is probably made to inspire us with positive messages, but we know that reality is not that sweet. I would have the same thoughts even if I didn't have any experience like you.

As for the cynicism itself, I think you need to give yourself time. I try my best to look at something from many sides. I try to be as logical as possible even when my heart goes crazy. This world has positive things in it, and I want to believe that one day I'll get to see them too.

What have you tried so far?

[ShadowGX]

I try to be logical about it. Sometimes I do have facts to fight the cynical thoughts with, but not in this case. I have not once seen a decent guy settle for a female that is unattractive (by "decent" I do not mean by looks, but in every other way). I even had someone who was once a friend try to justify it to me that they need to be attracted to the person in order to "get it up". What about when looks fade, though? Is that why so many relationships seem shallow and divorce rates are so high? That's my theory, anyways. Sure, some people have learned to look beyond appearances, but it seems impossible to find men that can do so unless they're utter trash human beings and don't get a choice in the matter if they want to be with anyone.

Of course, I do know that everyone has a different definition of "attractive" - but I feel grossed out when I think about the fact that someone would basically have to have a fetish for someone like me... Ugh. I just want looks to not matter at all.

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by ShadowGX

...What about when looks fade, though?...

Then no man (including my husband) wants to have sex with me, even though I would absolutely love to have some great sex.
It's very sad, really. When I was younger, pretty, and thin I couldn't keep men away. So now I do my best to enjoy being "my own best friend". Most of the time, I'm okay with it. But would I love to have one day of being 39 again? (I'm 55.) Sure I would.