[LaraR4444]

I've been wondering about something, and I'd like other input on it.

Could we rightly say that people always commit suicide because of a lack of control?

Could addressing that lack of control prevent suicides?

I've been giving suicide a lot of thought in the last year because I was a fan of Chris Cornell. Sometimes I feel suicidal, not that often, and not usually very seriously. It's usually like an immediate, brief thought I have in certain stressful moments like, "that's the answer!" Very rarely has it gone further than that and even then I didn't do much.

What's useful about this is that I always feel like that in times when I feel like I have no control, no options, nothing works, there's no solution, there's no right answer. The severity of my thoughts go with how long the stimuli goes on.

I thought it was just me, that I had an extreme reaction to things I couldn't control. But then I was reading about suicide and someone likened suicide to a person in a burning building who makes the choice between the fire and jumping out the window, because they are faced with this awful thing and have no other choice and they have this instinctual response.

And I sat on that for some time and I realized how often I was reminded of it when faced with new information about suicide.

I'm wondering how much control plays a part in suicide, maybe not a new concept to anyone but me, but just in case...

I've told myself that the next time I find myself feeling that way I want to try to find something to feel I have control over, even if it's something small.

And, over the years, some of the pain has been taken out of stimuli for me because I learned truths over the years that de-scarified the situation.

If we thought about it more that way, specifically, about finding a sense of control, finding opportunities to exercise more healthy control over our lives, and maybe learning to have a new perspective on things we can't control, how much might it help with suicidal thoughts and tendencies?

I hope I'm not offending anyone. I know, like telling people to reduce the stress in their lives, that saying you need to exercise control sounds trite in comparison to so many problems, but it would be a personal thing, what works for the individual in the moment. And could it help? Not be a magic fix.

I just wanted to raise a dialogue on control and suicide. How much is control the problem? How much could it help?

[*Laurie*]

"...that people always commit suicide because of a lack of control"...control of what?

Anyway, I'm not sure it's okay to discuss this topic on the forum.

[healingme4me]

I tend to have considered the immense feeling of hopelessness and despair during that time in my life. I'd not considered the concept of control in that time.

[possum220]

"I've been wondering about something, and I'd like other input on it.

Could we rightly say that people always commit suicide because of a lack of control?

That people always commit suicide because of a lack of control? I don't agree with this statement. There are infinitesimal reasons that bring a person to this point. Have you considered people who are at this point find themselves
beyond broken? Is control at this point even possible?

If you have found ways to push past the darkest hour kudos to you.

As someone who has been hospitalized for an attempt I would absolutely disagree that lack of control was even a factor.

There is also a huge difference between a passing thought of suicide and being suicidal. Two vastly different experiences.

I can guarantee that taking control of something would not have changed anything for me. I require medication. I require therapy. I require support. I've also required hospitalization.

I cant speak for everyone, but for myself I disagree with your theory. It may work for some people, but honestly I think they would be in the minority.

[LaraR4444]

I have considered the brokenness and that, as I said about pains that go on for a long time, some pains don't go away or are extremely difficult to end. Your question about whether control is even possible is the main point, would questioning that be helpful to people? Maybe it wouldn't. Maybe I'm insulting people by mistake. Maybe sometimes it makes pain worse. I know at one of my lowest points in life, feeling like everything was my responsibility and that I should be able to fix everything was part of what got me so low.

As for the topic not being fit for the forum, I apologize. I have no one more knowledgeable about the subject to talk to than the people on this board, and I didn't want to be sitting on an idea that might help some people. If need be, and I can, I can delete it. I don't want to hurt anybody.

[LaraR4444]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

As someone who has been hospitalized for an attempt I would absolutely disagree that lack of control was even a factor.

There is also a huge difference between a passing thought of suicide and being suicidal. Two vastly different experiences.

I can guarantee that taking control of something would not have changed anything for me. I require medication. I require therapy. I require support. I've also required hospitalization.

I cant speak for everyone, but for myself I disagree with your theory. It may work for some people, but honestly I think they would be in the minority.

I understand.

[katydid777]

I agree with TheSadGirl mostly, but I am also a spontainous person so for me to learn how to not be so spontainous on this subject would be important for me.

[*Laurie*]

I guess my question is, How is being able to control suicidal tendencies any different than believing we can control mental illness? I believe we can work hard in therapy and in self-education to maintain a certain amount of regulation over our mental illness, but "control" is kind if a loaded word, one that seems to perpetuate stigma. I suspect the same is true for suicidal feelings.
And, like possum pointed out, having a fleeting thought about suicide is not the same as feeling suicidal or as acting on suicidal feelings.

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

"...that people always commit suicide because of a lack of control"...control of what?

Anyway, I'm not sure it's okay to discuss this topic on the forum.

Quoting because you have something I want to quote yet too lazy to write on my own
This is not a matter of lack of control. This is a matter where no way of moving on is in the hands of the person who wants to commit suicide

[Onward2wards]

I believe that real or perceived lack of desired control over one's circumstances (learned helplessness) IS a contributing factor (one of many) - I have noticed that with my own depressed moods.

This “learned helplessness” is a state where you find there is no way to hep yourself or find that other do no help you for whatever reasons

[benzenering]

When I attempted, I thought it was the only thing I COULD control.

[LaraR4444]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

I guess my question is, How is being able to control suicidal tendencies any different than believing we can control mental illness? I believe we can work hard in therapy and in self-education to maintain a certain amount of regulation over our mental illness, but "control" is kind if a loaded word, one that seems to perpetuate stigma. I suspect the same is true for suicidal feelings.
And, like possum pointed out, having a fleeting thought about suicide is not the same as feeling suicidal or as acting on suicidal feelings.

I don't mean to say that we can control suicidal tendencies, I went back and read my first post and realized that it does sound that way and that's terrible. My question is, are we always feeling that way because we feel a lack of control to something in our lives? Could thinking of it specifically that way help how we feel about we're dealing with?

[LaraR4444]

Originally Posted by benzenering

When I attempted, I thought it was the only thing I COULD control.

I was just thinking that while typing my other post, that I really think that's why I do what I do. I fear that at that moment I look to that thought as a "comfort" because I feel it is in my control. The fact that it's "comforting" scares me.

[amandalouise]

my own opinion is no, I do not believe those who commit or attempt to commit suicide are out of control...

I believe those who commit suicide are actually very creative people who are in full control of their self and what they want to do.

it takes time and effort and planning to actually commit suicide. not going to go into details on suicide actions because that would go against the rules here. ...

but if you do a bit of research about this topic, on google or even take a college class on the topic, you will find that no one just suddenly does it one day.......

they plan, plot and stew over their decisions. they want everything to go right if they really want to do it, they are in complete control over their actions right down to the whens, wheres, whys and with whats / hows.... who they dont want to see it or find them, who they hope will come running or have regrets after they are gone... ... so much goes into this topic called suicide....

nope my belief is it takes extreme control of ones thoughts and actions to do it and extreme control over the planning process.

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by LaraR4444

I don't mean to say that we can control suicidal tendencies, I went back and read my first post and realized that it does sound that way and that's terrible. My question is, are we always feeling that way because we feel a lack of control to something in our lives? Could thinking of it specifically that way help how we feel about we're dealing with?

I do believe that suicidal thoughts can represent the feeling that we do not have control over some aspect of our lives. What comes to mind is the (apparently) successful, middle-aged man who is found to be embezzling money from the firm he works for. He believes he has suddenly lost control of his life, realizes that he is facing prison time, and he suicides.

I think the "embezzling man" case is much different than someone who is in a deep clinical depression and has thoughts of suicide, because I believe the second case is more of (or totally a) neurobiological illness. Yes, the severely depressed person feels out of control, but it's the illness itself that causes the person to feel helpless and hopeless. Even though the person might tell someone that "this" or "that" life event (over which they lack control) has caused them to feel suicidal, the fact is their serious depression is lying to their mind, causing them to feel helpless.

[LaraR4444]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

my own opinion is no, I do not believe those who commit or attempt to commit suicide are out of control...

I believe those who commit suicide are actually very creative people who are in full control of their self and what they want to do.

it takes time and effort and planning to actually commit suicide. not going to go into details on suicide actions because that would go against the rules here. ...

I am so sorry that my original post sounds like I meant people have no control over themselves. That is not what I meant, and I just tried to edit my original post and I can't anymore.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by LaraR4444

I've been wondering about something, and I'd like other input on it.

Could we rightly say that people always commit suicide because of a lack of control?

I agree, but like Laurie, I'm not sure we can discuss this topic on the forum. I will say this: While in the military and during the Cold War, I spent nine months in the former Soviet Union as a prisoner. I have internal and external scars that will last a lifetime. Every day I promised myself that if I still wanted to commit suicide tomorrow, I could do it then. Power in an otherwise powerless situation, control in a situation in which I had no control. That permission I gave myself kept me alive.

[YoucancallmeFlower]

For me, it's about pain. When the pain is too great, it is the only
solution. The only way to stop the pain.

[cool09]

For me, it's about when your whole being has been taken over with no solutions in sight. Being treatment resistant has brought me to this point several times.

I wonder about the terror that went thru those worker's minds on 911 when they chose to jump from the building. It happened too fast to be contemplative.

And our family has just experienced this in my 13 yr old niece. She has been bullied and has turned to the notion of hurting herself for some reason.

[pinkgirl1210]

Hi- I cannot exactly say that people’s reason for suicide is self - control. According to an article, when a person has a major depressive episode, the world can literally seem like a dark place. Nothing seems comforting, pleasurable, or worth living for.
Anyone is at risk of having strong suicidal urges when it seems as though the future has become hopeless.
It is recommended that anyone who is depressed and having suicidal thoughts, should seek help.

Thank you for sharing this. Take care.

[pinkgirl1210]

Originally Posted by cool09

For me, it's about when your whole being has been taken over with no solutions in sight. Being treatment resistant has brought me to this point several times.

I wonder about the terror that went thru those worker's minds on 911 when they chose to jump from the building. It happened too fast to be contemplative.

And our family has just experienced this in my 13 yr old niece. She has been bullied and has turned to the notion of hurting herself for some reason.

Hi- How are you? I hope you are feeling better today.
I'm so sorry to hear about your niece. I pray for peace as your family go through this journey. Thank you for sharing, keep us posted.

[avlady]

maybe someone is unable to control themselves because the are or were in a situation they thought they couldn't get out of. maybe nobody was there for them when they tried it or succeded in it.

[Nix]

What I have read online is that suicidal ideation occurs when the pain outweighs the current coping skills available, so the options to prevent suicide are to either lessen the pain or strengthen the toolkit of coping skills.