[silentlyscreaming]

To be a mental patient is to be stigmatised, ostracised, socialised, patronised, psychiatrised.

To be a mental patient is to have everyone controlling you life but you. You're watched by your shrink, your social worker, your friends, your family. And then you're diagnosed as paranoid.

To be a mental patient is to live with the constant threat of being locked up at any time, for almost any reason.

To be a mental patient is to take drugs that dull your mind, deaden your senses, make you jitter and drool and then you take more drugs to lessen the "side effects".

To be a mental patient is to apply for jobs and lie about the last few months or years because you,ve been in hospital, and then you don't get the job anyway because you're a mental patient. To be a mental patient is not to matter.

To be a mental patient is to never be taken seriously.

To be a mental patient is to watch TV and see how violent and dangerous and dumb and incompetent and crazy you are.

To be a mental patient is to be a statistic.

To be a mental patient is to wear a label, and that label never goes away, a label that says little about what you are, and even less about who you are.

To be a mental patient is to never say what you mean, but to sound like you mean what you say.

To be a mental patient is to act glad when you're sad and calm when you're mad, and to always be "appropriate".

To be a mental patient is to participate in stupid groups that call themselves therapy. Music isn't music, it's therapy; volleyball isn't a sport, it's therapy; sewing is therapy; washing dishes is therapy. Even the air you breathe is therapy.

To be a mental patient is not to die, even if you want to -- and not cry, and not hurt, and not be scared, and not be angry, and not be vulnerable, and not to laugh too loud -- because if you do, you only prove that you are a mental patient.

And so you become a no-thing, in a no-world, and you are not.

i hear you.

hear who?

the mental patient?

nah, you.

i'm sorry that people aren't more supportive to you. thanks for sharing some of you.

take care.

[DePressMe]

Hey silentlyscreaming, I can relate to so much of what you wrote.

I have had the feeling that I did not have control of my own life--the shrink, therapist, friends and family all were deciding things for me. It was all "for my own good." But, even when I was in the hospital, and was the most unstable, I was still human. I was still me and it was still my life. I appreciate all their good intentions, but it made me feel so out of control. I already felt hopeless. All their good intentions made me feel completely powerless over my own life. It made things worse. I felt like there was nothing I could do to make things better--my recovery was up to everybody else. Of course, today, I know my recovery is up to me.

Just last week, my boss "sent" me to my pdoc because she thought I was depressed and needed an intervention. I was not really depressed, my grandmother had just died--I was grieving--something "normal" people do, but I was not even allowed to do that with out being sent to my pdoc. I am not allowed to be angry or frustrated without being accused of being unstable. If I am too happy, well then I must be manic. If I am sad, I must be depressed. The array of normal, everyday emotions have been taken from me. I spend a lot of my time pretending to be neutral so I don't draw attention to myself. And then, my therapist wonders why I am so disconnected from my feelings.

I can really identify with your post. Thanks for sharing.

[silentlyscreaming]

Thank you Alex and DepressMe for your kind and encouraging words.
I was hesitant to post this because I wasn't sure how it would be received, but now I'm glad I did.
I've been feeling really 'fragile' lately, and it really helps to know that others can relate.

[sabby]

((((((((((( silentllyscreaming )))))))))))

I'm sorry you are feeling fragile and upset right now. I do so hope that you find some peace and space to be YOU.

There is so much attention paid to the emotions of a person with mental illness....all of them poked, prodded, decyphered and analized. It's so unfortanate that we are made to feel like a labrat at times....watched constantly under the microscope. It's almost as if folks are set up to fail.

I wish you well!

sabby

Wow, SS! What a great post. (((((SS))))) I can totally relate!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
To be a mental patient is to never say what you mean, but to sound like you mean what you say.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

No doubt!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
To be a mental patient is to have everyone controlling you life but you. You're watched by your shrink, your social worker, your friends, your family. And then you're diagnosed as paranoid.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I really want to know who else is driving me? I didn't give anybody else authorization, LOL!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
To be a mental patient is to act glad when you're sad and calm when you're mad, and to always be "appropriate".

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yes, I was recently told that I was doing such a good job, that no one else would ever know how much pain I am feeling. Is that a compliment? It was infuriating! Great, I'm so proud of myself that I can feel like @#$#% and just sit and take because there is nothing else I can do.

And on the positive side . . .

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
To be a mental patient is not to matter.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

You matter to me, SS. And apparently to other people reading your post!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Even the air you breathe is therapy.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

OMG, I haven't paid the bill for this therapy. I hope the collectors don't start hounding me, LOL!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
To be a mental patient is not to die, even if you want to -- and not cry, and not hurt, and not be scared, and not be angry, and not be vulnerable, and not to laugh too loud -- because if you do, you only prove that you are a mental patient.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

(((SS))) LOS (Laugh out silently) Shhhhhhhh. --Good point!

Take care of yourself, SS. Being a mental patient means being able to have people enter your life that otherwise wouldn't, like our Ts. I can't imagine that. And don't want to!

[pachyderm]

> To be a mental patient is to watch TV and see how violent and dangerous and dumb and incompetent and crazy you are.

To be a mental patient is to watch TV and see how violent and dangerous and dumb and incompetent and crazy everyone is!

> To be a mental patient is to participate in stupid groups that call themselves therapy. Music isn't music, it's therapy; volleyball isn't a sport,
> it's therapy; sewing is therapy; washing dishes is therapy. Even the air you breathe is therapy.

In the 1960s in one hospital working in the laundry facility was called "Industrial Therapy" and seclusion was the "Special Treatment Room."

I think things may actually be better these days...

That was written by Rae Unzicker. You can read more about her here:

http://www.narpa.org/rae.unzicker.htm

[wickedwings]

((((silentlyscreaming)))) how eloquent. i feel ya. great poem. i know exactly what it's like. i experience all that and more - add being almost completely deaf on top of it (yes, i'm deaf).

[nothemama8]

At one time we felt all these things, but now after years of therapy, and support, learning about self help and the support here plus EMPOWERMENT THROUGH SUPPORT, we are survivors with mental health issues

[silentlyscreaming]

Campanula, thanx for the link. A friend sent this to me in an email, although I took some of it out.
I didn't know the person you indicated wrote it, my friend has claimed it as her own....hmmm.....
but I'll definately check this link out and see what other words of wisdom is offered.

[1oxbowgirl]

Thanks for sharing. I too know how you feel. Therapy is all about making the doctor feel better about you. But if you say how you really feel, it is heard by someone who only gives more medicaions so he can feel good. It makes trusting them that much harder.

[okiedokie]

I can really relate to what you write, especially right now.

And in response to 1oxbow, sometimes the doctor is all about making the DOCTOR feel better.

I better quit writing. I'm probably not in the best place to be sharing.
Take care,
Okie

[blah__x]

very powerful..i feel those words every day.

i feel i can't watch the news or a movie or anything without cringing at yet another common stereotype of "crazy people".

well i guess if we're all just a bunch of nuts we might as well stick together with our "own kind". with support, one can never be defeated.