I keep thinking people aren't genuine. They show compassion but I just believe that they have an ulterior motive.

Why do I get the feeling that way?

[MickeyCheeky]

Probably because of your past experiences? Have you ever been hurt by a friend before?

Yes. One of my friends, well I thought he was my friend, used to beat me up. This went on for years until I changed schools. Nobody knows about this.

My parents didn't understand. So I wouldn't be safe at home either.

I would ride my bike until I would get lost. I don't remember being angry, just alone.

But that was a long time ago and now I bark back if someone attacks me.

I wish I could forgive him, but I can't.

[KimmyO]

Forgiveness is important for your healing, even when they don't ask. Sometimes we have to say it over and over thru time to make it stick kind of. One thing that helps me with forgiveness is thinking what did they go thru that made them that way. He probably was beat up at home by his Dad or something and his unresolved anger hurt came back on you. Sometimes those who are the closest get the worst of us when we are deeply hurt even if it isn't by them. Feeling compassion for him in his own hard circumstances can soften your heart to forgive him. Pray for him, even. It will help you overcome and trust people more. Also, look in their eyes when they say something you aren't sure they mean, the eyes are the window of the soul, they do tell the truth in some way. Maybe sometimes you are right that they aren't genuine, but give them the benefit of the doubt.

[ShehrozQasim]

Appreciated word from KIMMYO,

[Wild Coyote]

((((((( HUGS))))))

[namjournal]

What do you define as an ulterior motive?

[Quarter life]

I myself believe that there is no such thing as altruism...There is always a motive..sometimes negative, sometimes positive, but it's always there

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by Quarter life

I myself believe that there is no such thing as altruism...There is always a motive..sometimes negative, sometimes positive, but it's always there

If the intention is a good one, and the end result is helpful to others, I don't really look at whether the act is altruistic, or not.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by Quarter life

I myself believe that there is no such thing as altruism...There is always a motive..sometimes negative, sometimes positive, but it's always there

When my dad, the saint, went to the city morgue to identify what remained of our friend’s son’s charred body, I don’t believe that he had any ulterior motive. When our friend’s children were in jail for minor legal infractions, they called my dad, not their parents, because my dad would not be harsh. What did he have to gain? Nothing but sincere appreciation.

My dad was not a perfect man but his behavior was the very model of altruism.

I am far from perfect but there are times when I helped others expecting nothing in return. When I was wealthy I gave 30% of my income to worthy causes and never told a soul until I married. My wife and I continued the practice. Anonymous cash donations and we did not expect, we could not expect, anything in return. We felt no blushing rush of goodness. We didn’t give to feel better about ourselves but because there were people in need and we had the means to help.

I think altruism is very real. My father was the shining, behind the scenes, example. He taught me that doing what is good and right were moral imperatives. Doing what we should do and expecting nothing in return. I couldn’t live up to that standard; my mental disorders got in the way.

But there was my dad.

[Quarter life]

Originally Posted by Quarter life
I myself believe that there is no such thing as altruism...There is always a motive..sometimes negative, sometimes positive, but it's always there

I fear my intended meaning here has been lost. Life experiences inform our beliefs. Simply because 'I believe' something to be true, doesn't necessarily make it true.

[Candy1955]

2ISAB, you just don't want to be vulnerable. If you doubt the pureness of another person's motivation, then you can't be taken advantage of by them. On the other hand, you don't have to set standards very high for yourself if everyone else's are questionable.
Maybe?

2ISAB, I am learning that forgiveness is not the same thing as saying "it's ok what they did." I'm sorry you've had negative experiences like that.


In terms of your original post...I'm not sure why you feel that way. I'm not you and don't know you. To be honest, it sounds a little like paranoia. Regardless of why, I think people here have given some good advice. I guess I really don't have answers but just wish you well.