[Bookworm257]

Recently it's started to occur to me that I'm not like other people. I've realized that a lot of the things I do other people just don't.

One thing is that I lie constantly to get out of trouble. My dad has called me out on it multiple times but I still do it. Whenever something happens that I could get in trouble for, I lie about it. I only feel bad if I get caught and my dad punishes me.

I also never take responsibility for my actions. I always make excuses and lie. Sometimes I can't even tell when something was my fault because I often fail to see when something is my fault and then I get into arguments with my parents because they try to convince me it was my fault. I do this because I want people to trust me and I don't want them to think I do bad things.

I also never understood how people could sacrifice their time to do things for other people when they have nothing to benefit from it. I thought it was a waste of time to be nice just to be nice and without an ulterior motive. When I'm nice to someone it's either because I have something to gain or because I want them to trust me.

I remember in eitghth grade I was dealing with emotional problems and depression for no reason. I planned to run away from home because I felt like I was under pressure at home because my dad had to keep constant watch of me because I had suicidal thoughts. I remember stealing $80 to run away. I didn't feel guilty about it at all, just paranoid that I was going to get caught. And I was. I still steal from my parents; they have a jar of coins in their room and I occasionally steal quarters from it to buy myself snacks at the convenience store ors school. I try not to make it obvious that I've stolen anything for fear of being caught, but I don't feel guilty. I've realized that other people feel more guilty about things but I don't about a lot of things.

I also have a hard time connecting with peopple socially or emotionally and friendships seem like such a commitment that I don't want to make. I have problem with isolation and I hate people. I don't if this has anything to do with it but it seems like it might.

My mom once accused me of trying to mistreat the dogs on purpose. She's accused me of this twice. She also accuses me of being greedy and taking more than my share of things. I've started to think she may think there's something wrong with me.

Maybe I'm just a bad person and I'm looking too far into it, but what do you think?

[amicus_curiae]

Psychopath isn’t a word to use lightly and no one here can tell you if you’re a psychopath or not.

Let me review your admitted actions:

Lying seems to be the most prevalent behavior. You admit that you’re lying to your parents, to people to behave as you wish but it’s telling that you acknowledge your lies and know why you lie.

It’s odd that you write, twice, that you want people to trust you (do you know why?) but you want trust to grow from lies — that’s not the usual method of gaining the trust of others. And you can’t be trusted, or become less socially awkward, if there’s always a quid pro quo approach to relationships with others.

I’m not really trying to criticize or analyze you — I have likely, with my longevity and numerous mental disorders — behaved exactly as you from time to time.

No, you’re not ‘just a bad person.’ Five years ago, I think, I began long-distance therapy for hypergraphia. The doctor was a neurologist and a psychiatrist, teaching at an Ivy League university and practicing neurology at the best hospital in the US. She believes that every mental illness, every behavior, have neurological causes. The phrase ‘it’s all in your head’? She would say all in your brain.

You’re in a public school? Have you seen a shrink or told anyone with some experience about your behavior? Does your school have any mental health resources?

It sucks to be different from the majority and, yeah, that alone can cause you to hate people in general.

You’re delightfully introspective and articulate. If your mom really believes that there might be something wrong with you, maybe you could tell her that you feel like you need someone to talk to in the mental health field?

I have hope for you. Most of us here are pretty screwed up. I am, anyway. I’m definitely not mainstream. Welcome to the club.

[Gus1234U]

from what i know, people with 'psychopathy' (psychopaths) don't have emotional crises nor do they think about suicide. what you are describing sounds more like a narcissistic personality disorder... but i'm no expert.

you can find little quizzes that might point you in the right direction, if you answer truthfully. unfortunately, i can't remember how to get at them at the moment... maybe someone else will see this and tell you how~

best wishes~

[childofchaos831]

My rule of thumb... a psychopath wouldn't care enough about being one to really even ask the question. It's just how they are. The lack of conscience makes the lying a whatever thing to them. They don't care enough about the feelings of other people to worry about how their own behavior is affecting anyone.

I've also read, like the other comment, that people with antisocial personality disorder (what psychopaths technically are diagnosed with) don't have things like depression or suicidal tendencies.

seems more like narcissism

[Anatta]

Of course, a professional can only make a diagnosis. However, I am highly knowledgeable on these subjects and I would say that what you are describing isn't psychopathy, but you do have psycopathic traits.

However, there is so little information here that only a psychologist who specializes in personality disorders could make a judgment after weeks of review.

For instance, this could also be because of trauma (either complex or acute) or attachment disorders.

[seeker33]

I wouldn't say this is psychopathy, either. Probably a result of serious issues in the past (maybe even going back to infancy or toddler/ preschool years), something like a weird self defense mechanism. I'd definitely consider seeing a specialist who can help you.