[WishfulThinker66]

Do you ever go about completing those doctors'/therapists' office surveys and think, 'none apply'?

I was completing one about distress, anxiety, and panic. The question read something like how often does your distress affect your ability to get to work. The optional choices were a reflection of the levels of one's ability to cope. Geeeze.....coping has nothing to do with it. I go because I must. I go because there is no choice. I go because rent must be paid and food put on the table. Cope? Huh! I put on a happy face and soldier on living the unbearable distress silently.

[Fuzzybear]

I think they tend to have an obsession with the perceived “ability to work” and perceived “level of coping” - wtf does that mean. It’s bs and it’s about money and .... not intended to actually help someone

“Living the unbearable distress silently” - this is what “they” want. To save them money

[rise13eyond]

I'm in the exact same place. I get told quite a bit lately about how good I seem to be doing. Well I only look like I'm doing good because people want me to be. I go to groups and appointments, all those important adult things because the only other choice is to have everyone pester me to do it.

[eskielover]

I actually got to the point where I couldn't make it to work any longer. My H was out of work, I was struggling with burnout that finally ended up in a total breakdown. I was already calling in sick after the first of the year, then the 1994 Northridge earthquake hit & the one time I tried to go back to work (that was normally a 1.5 hour drive ended to taking 6 hours to drive both ways. That was the final straw. I took medical leave of absence to keep my medical coverage (with no pay) until I could sort out what to do. I never could go back & major depression took over & I couldn't even function. Hard for everyone to understand because a computer engineer who functioned just shiukdn't have crashed like that. I didn't understand all the dynamics at that time.....I do now.... it was a bad 13 years of my life that became my "black hole" that I remember very little of thst time.

[Fuzzybear]

“Shouldn’t have crashed like that”
“Should always cope or at least appear to be coping”

It’s hard when “normal” people, ie people with “no” ? MI or MH issues, or who think they are “normal” - have no clue or interest in learning

Not anyone here

[eskielover]

I know that crashing like I did was a "normal" response to what I was going through & had been through.

I think that we who end up with MI because of situations we have gone through need to blow off those who think:
"We shouldn't have crashed like that" &
"Should always cope....."

We can't change how they think but we can change how we react to their/that thinking.

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate. I often do the same thing

[WishfulThinker66]

These things, whether they be the surveys or therapists themselves in my experience seem to discount our attempts to carry on. They can't seem to discern there is a difference between coping and carrying on because you have no other choice but to do so. They see us doing things in spite of the distressing challenges and assume then it amounts to coping.

[eskielover]

The thing is that when it does get too bad coping is no longer an option even when income is necessary. I couldn't go on & I was always strong & pushed through everything. There is a breaking point for everyone & I think that is what they are looking to determine.

[WishfulThinker66]

Originally Posted by eskielover

The thing is that when it does get too bad coping is no longer an option even when income is necessary. I couldn't go on & I was always strong & pushed through everything. There is a breaking point for everyone & I think that is what they are looking to determine.

eskielover, I know this only too well. My own work pattern is to reach a breaking point, move on, and start the cycle of growing anxiety over again and so on. In 2011 I reached the pinnacle of distress from work and quit altogether. I managed until now to not work. Most of that time I had a psychiatrist who didn't seem to understand not having any options and hence the difference between forcing oneself to do something and doing it because you are apparently coping.

I have returned to work as mentioned and it is not going well. my psychiatrist and therapist are both taking the opinion this is a huge win in my recovery. NOPE! I see it as a step backward.

[avlady]

what i have to do and what i am able to do are two different things too. we need to have the skills to work at jobs. i am disabled from vehicle accidents, and i sit back wondering how in the world do people that work do it as i am such a wreck. i'm on 14 pills a day, and yet i want to force myself to get a job, which there is no way with the extent of my head injuries that i would be able to do. I feel useless sometimes and my sence of purpousis to keep the house clean and help my family out the best i can. i feel guilty because people have to work to get money and i get it from SSI and SSD not much but i live from hand to mouth on my husbands budget too. My son was also in 3 car accidents so far too, his head injuries make him unable to work and we are trying to get him on social security too. he has GAD and is Bipolar. i hate to see him suffer and i wish he had more for himself but he can hardly get out of bed because the meds his psychiatrist put him on make him sleep alot. hes been on several meds so far and like the one hes on now but it scares me sometimes when he will have a three day episode where he is just out of it mentally. well what i am trying to say is that i fel for people who have to work but i also think some people should take step back and look to see if they are doing what they like and like what they are doingg, s maybe there is a chance they could get some better skills or even change jobs,it would be better to take a loss of money than to work their butts off and burn out.

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by eskielover

I actually got to the point where I couldn't make it to work any longer. My H was out of work, I was struggling with burnout that finally ended up in a total breakdown. I was already calling in sick after the first of the year, then the 1994 Northridge earthquake hit & the one time I tried to go back to work (that was normally a 1.5 hour drive ended to taking 6 hours to drive both ways. That was the final straw. I took medical leave of absence to keep my medical coverage (with no pay) until I could sort out what to do. I never could go back & major depression took over & I couldn't even function. Hard for everyone to understand because a computer engineer who functioned just shiukdn't have crashed like that. I didn't understand all the dynamics at that time.....I do now.... it was a bad 13 years of my life that became my "black hole" that I remember very little of thst time.

I fully understand that awful kind of depression. There's a difference, however, in being able to take a medical leave to keep your insurance and not having a job that would not permit a medical leave (let alone doesn't provide insurance). Taking leave from such a job would be called "quitting". So the end result could genuinely be homelessness, losing beloved pets, and all possessions. Facing unspeakable dangers, etc.

I think that is why many of us with mental illness force ourselves to march on...which makes us even more messed up...but the alternative is terrifying.

[eskielover]

Actually that medical leave was just to tide me over insurance wise until I ended up on disability. There was absolutely no income while on medical leave & my H was out of work in his career at the same time. Only thing that kept us from losing everything then was using the 401K money we had put away for retirement.....all gone.....it was just a buffer to bide time until it was all gone.

[WishfulThinker66]

I got earlier this year a lump sum payment from veterans' affairs. I have seen that dwindle as I have lived off the payment as a source of income (we can't survive solely off my boyfriend's income and my moving in defaulted my disability). So this is why work is a necessity.

I have gotten a great deal of crap from everyone for spending this money. My VA caseworker, pdoc, T, and family all insisted I invest/save it. They interpret my spending it as a sign I am manic. Honestly, can't they see I am forced to do things because I have no other choice?

WHich brings us back to coping or must. It looks like this is a lingering problem for many of us. Now, how do we manage to convince those around us of this?

[eskielover]

my moving in defaulted my disability

that doesn't make sense as it is YOUR disability that doesn't go away just because you are with someone.

Was that lump sum their concept of your total settlement?

I would be irritated & looking for an advocate to go to bat for you. I have heard that the VA is doing similar things of taking away disabiluties for SOME . Sometimes we have to fight for what we are owed.

[WishfulThinker66]

Originally Posted by eskielover

that doesn't make sense as it is YOUR disability that doesn't go away just because you are with someone.

Was that lump sum their concept of your total settlement?

I would be irritated & looking for an advocate to go to bat for you. I have heard that the VA is doing similar things of taking away disabiluties for SOME . Sometimes we have to fight for what we are owed.

Moving in with my boyfriend changed things. I was cut off from my provincial government disability assistance when I became a dependent of another - despite the fact his net income is limited. That is just the way it is done here. Many people cohabitate with a domestic partner here risk claiming they are merely roomates but I guess I won the audit lottery as they came over to my home to see if we were truly living as separate roomates.

The second reason I was cut off was on account of the payment for (PTSD) from the (Canadian) veterans' affairs. I was deemed ineligible as I suddenly had money the provincial social services deemed I ought to be using for my cost of living.

So a double whammy.

Advocate? My veterans' affairs case manager met with my government disability case worker but her efforts to convince the woman the payment is not an income were to no avail.

I hope this makes my position more understandable.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

Moving in with my boyfriend changed things. I was cut off from my provincial government disability assistance when I became a dependent of another - despite the fact his net income is limited. That is just the way it is done here. Many people cohabitate with a domestic partner here risk claiming they are merely roomates but I guess I won the audit lottery as they came over to my home to see if we were truly living as separate roomates.

The second reason I was cut off was on account of the payment for (PTSD) from the (Canadian) veterans' affairs. I was deemed ineligible as I suddenly had money the provincial social services deemed I ought to be using for my cost of living.

So a double whammy.

Advocate? My veterans' affairs case manager met with my government disability case worker but her efforts to convince the woman the payment is not an income were to no avail.

I hope this makes my position more understandable.

Wow & people complain about how bad the US is & how well Canada cares for their people. You are a prime example that this just isn't true. So sad this is happening to you. All VA should cover situations that happened as a vetersn. It is earned!!!!