update on the ID theft & break in to my truck in Albequerque

(((((((((((((((( Debbie ))))))))))))))))

After 32 years of marriage, it stands to reason that old habits die hard. You are in the process of working on your life, growing and learning. This will take time, patience and giving yourself a break hon!

Hang in there Debbie, you will learn and you will be independent and happy.


sabby

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((debbie))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
my thoughts are with you. i understand the pattern of trusting someone you know will burn you and then kicking yourself for it afterwards. i think sometimes people like that just seem so plausible in the moment that when we are feeling vulnerable or arent on the top of our game we reach for the support we so badly need without being able to remember the consequences. until they kick us in the teeth. again. its not you being stupid at all. i think its a very natural thing to do so try not to be too hard on yourself please?
when are you planning on going back to kentucky? bet it will be such a relief to see the deer again and be able to wrap up warmly and walk through your woods. you might even get snow there? if so you ll have to remember to wear a hat so you dont get wet with the trees dropping snowballs on top of you. have you seen izzy since you got back to california? i imagine with all thats going on you ve probably been too busy...? when you do see her can you give her a kiss on the nose from me please?
keep venting the frustration and anger here. its a great way to get it out.

Not only is it "habit" but the desire, the real wish for things to be ok and really good, and to want to be able to trust and all that.. is there.

Oh my, I am really sick about this. I realize that I had a pendent (one of a kind) glass horse head.....just like Izzy.....that was in the bag. I had purchased it at a bead show & will never be able to find another one like it again.....of course, all my other horse jewelry was in the jewelry box too......I couldn't have just left it is Kentucky.....no....I had to make sure it was safe with me.

Thanks Sabby, Biiv, & Sky,

Everything you all said about the situation is so true. The desire to have support when I am going through this stress, the want for that trust to really be there when it isn't, & definitely the need for support right now.

At least there is one thing about this situation also is that I have the true picture of my husband & know exactly where I have to end it all.....so matter how bad I really would like it to turn around & want to keep giving him a chance to change......I need to quit beating my head against this block wall & get over it. It's much easier when he isn't around & I guess in a lot of ways, that is why I was fighting so hard against getting the help that my friend in Kentucky was more that willing to give. I just don't want to fall into that trap again.

My plans were to leave for Kentucky December 13. I have to get back there for Christmas, but the plans for getting everything back there are up in the air right now because I don't really want my husband to be there after all of this......for some reason, I get this real sick to the stomach feeling when I am around him & sure don't want to spend Christmas in my retreat feeling that way with him around me.

I will have to see what I do now. I also have to make sure I have a Dr appointment there in Kentucky so I can get my meds for the next month because the pharmacy there won't fill any more of my prescriptions without them coming from a Kentucky dr & I can't go without the meds......I feel really trapped right now. Of course, my husband made the plane reservations for my daughter to come to Ky for Christmas......not looking at anything but just because I said so.....now things have changed & I am sick because tickets like that can't be refunded. I can't stand the horrible feelings I have inside about him.....people just shouldn't feel that way about other people....it's just not healthy & it's making me sick for sure....I have to come to terms with this soon....hopefully my appointment with the stand-in therapist will help tomorrow. I feel like I am going crazy.....head spinning & I just can't focus on anything.

I still have all the insurance papers to fill out & find the information on....& right now, I just can't seem to think about anything except for wanting to sleep & make it all go away.

I really remember these exact feelings from 3 years ago.

I want to thank you all for your support right now.....you don't know how much it means to me & how much it really helps
Debbie

I was hoping that I could get some information out of the email address & internet account they set up using my name.....got some information, but nothing that would really really help amyone. They did give me the way to access the account, so I looked at all the email's that were in there....nothing of value.

I started calling the pawn shops....interesting....all of them except for the crooks are willing to work with me. They all said they would take the flute & call the police. The crooks said that I was giving them a heads up so they wouldn't take the flute anyway because they didn't want to loose the money.......that definitely lets me know who are crooks or not.

I am still so exhausted after a whole nights sleep I can't handle the way I'm feeling.

The future of going back to Kentucky is up in the air right now....dependent on the pain specialists & getting an appointment set up before I need my meds on the first of the year. It is so sad when I realize my life is so dependent on having the meds that keep the migraines away....My Calif Dr has to send the referral information to the KY clinic.....I have been trying to make this happen for over 3 weeks now & am no farther ahead than I was then.

Why go back to KY only to have to be back here on the 1st of the year to fill a prescription that they won't fill there. I need to go back for several months to get the house finished....& with not having the Dr back there to help out.....it's pointless to keep going back & forth because of the meds.....no one wants to cooperate with my situation to top off everything else that's going on.
Debbie

Hi Debbie... so sorry to hear about all the challenges you are facing these days. It can't be easy and resolutions aren't quick.

You really need to take a break from it all Debbie... if just for an hour or two. Take some time to pamper yourself... do something that can restore some peace in your life. Set aside all the tasks on your plate long enough to shink them back into manageable pieces. Giving yourself a break now and then will help to keep your reserves full. You are running on empty right now just trying to juggle all the pieces and keep the balls from falling out of the air. Take some time to just focus on you and on reducing your anxiety.

Wishing you well as you courageously pull the pieces together. Take good care.... here listening and praying for the road ahead to be smoother and straighter than the one you just travelled.

Took a break most of yesterday by doing nothing more than sleeping....a much needed thing that seems to be lacking when I get stressed. If I don't take the meds to calm the anxiety....I end up staying awake for ever it seems. Thank you Chocolatelover for reminding to take a much needed break.

I had an appointment with the therapist that is taking over for my psychologist while he is in Isreal visiting family for the holidays. While I was standing waiting for the elevator, I got so dizzy I had to sit down with the feeling of passing out. That was so scarry.....my whole surroundings started going black as a cold wave took over my body. What a horrible feeling....didn't know if I could even make it into the elevator to get to the office at that point.

We had a good session, but it's hard when they are trying to get to know something about you & you need help on the immediate things that are going on. She was actually a great help & reinforced that realizing that giving up on the relationship which I know I should do ...is the right thing rather than trying over & over & over again to give more chances......why should I put energy into something that is pointless & I really don't even truely want except that it's hard to give up on something that has been a part of your life for so long. She also reminded me that the things I lost were only that...things that can be replaced & that letting go of the centimental aspects of the things is important. She was able to put that into perspective when she explained how many things she had to walk away from many times in her leaving the Ukrane (sp?). I have lost many family items with my Grandmother not keeping OLD things & then when what was left was stolen by the home care giver. It's just hard after loosing things to loose more especially in this way.

All is all, it was a very good hour I spent with her & very needed. I hadn't had a psychologist appointment since the end of August & talking over the phone just doesn't work well when the phone reception is so poor like it is on my farm....struggling to hear what is being said doesn't exactly make for an easy session.

I stopped by the music store where I had purchased my flute 34 years ago. They wrote up a statement for the replacement value of my flute. It has gone up 6 times the amount I paid for it then....He actually suggested that if my insurance pays that amount for the flute that I look into purchasing another model flute that is even better than that one....maybe a used one. He said that maybe this was a good thing in that I could get an even better flute. I need to open my mind up to other options......but this goes along with what we were talking about at my appointment.....to let go of the centimental aspect of things & look at them as just things. A difficult task, but necessary at times like this.

I started to open some mail today & had to laugh. Lowes had enrolled me into their Account Security Program....to cover my payments if I were to be disabled or involuntary unemployment or many other possibilities. I told them it was rather crazy since they approved me for my Lowe's card based on my being on disability......how stupid....then in my panic mode, I read the charge to be $1.50 a day rather than a month (how crazy would that be????).....how stress can make our mind not work. I don't even remember agreeing to this option last Tuesday then they threw at me the fact my card had been stolen.

I just can't seem to get enough rest however to help with my anxiety level & it is continuing to build up my nausea level which is really messing me up on the physical level. Some people eat when they are stressed. In some ways, that is more healthy than not being able to eat & getting sick when you try to eat.

I have so many things that are working on my stress it's horrible......trying to get the Dr set up so I can go back to Kentucky long term is my highest priority right now & I can't seem to get any cooperation from anyone. I found out yesterday afternoon that my California office didn't bother to contact the KY clinic when I asked them to last Thursday. I have provided the fax # to the KY clinic so they can send the referral form to my California Dr. Everyday that goes by is closer to messing up my chance being able to go back to my farm for Christmas & I really don't want to spend Christmas time around here with my husband.

Even thinking about turning around & driving back there again is stressful even if I do get the Dr's appointment all settled. Not sure how well that trip would go considering how difficult it was to get home that last day with my stress at this level.....flying back is out of the question because I couldn't afford a rental car.....so I have to get my truck back there....which gives me no other option that driving back.

I do feel like I am tredding water in quick sand & it's pulling me under quite rapidly. My normal reaction of just sleeping through all the stress won't help anything because there is too much to have to do with all the insurance information I have to get together.

So much for my venting for today.....you have all heard way to much of my complaints.....the only thing I can say is that it's helping me formulate my thoughts by writing....& all your inputs & support definitely are appreciated.....it helps me see other options that my level of stress aren't leaving my mind open to see on it's own.

Thank you again for all your continued support,
Debbie

I think so many of those ppl who sell the insurances don't know a whip about what they sell. They keep offering the disability ins to me too but what gets me is they don't understand why I shouldn't buy it, though disabled!

Glad you had a one on one with T. I feel so for you and all the members here that don't have that on a regular basis.

Drive safely! Being disabled costs more money than not. People tend to think we're just spoiled, but they don't get it so why try and explain?

You're on the right path... going slowly will still get you there.

Thanks Sky......it's maked me feel so not alone knowing that others have the same strange issues with disability situations as I do. I would rather be working, but never could hold down a job knowing the way my anxiety reactions take over now. It seems that once they have gone far out of control...even though they may calm down...just a small thing can trigger anxiety back out of control once it has been there. That's just how it feels to me, but sure others must feel that way to....thank heavens for permanent disability & not have to prove it over & over & over again.

I just got off the phone with Lowe's loss prevention.....I am sick......because the transaction was declined, there was no video of the transaction. If the transaction had gone through they would have captured all the video of the use of the card......just because there was no transaction...there was no crime, so they don't bother with video......how sad because the it could have lead to who has my flute......I broke down after that phone call....I feel crushed because I was really depending on that information for being a good lead to the person who would know where my flute is.

I got a call right after that from the detective working on the case. It turned out that the bank transaction was with a different bank that I initially through....BOA.....bank of Albequerque....no, bank of America.....duh. Initially, my credit union wouldn't give me a date of time stamp on the transaction, but because the detective asked me for the information & I called them they provided me with the time stamp. They were paying a bill to city of Albequerque for something. Hopefully the city government will have all the information on that. I should have taken the white pages & not just the yellow pages because all the city information is in the white pages.......the detective will have to take over on that one. I feel so stupid that I jumped to the conclusion that is was the bank of albequerque....thought B of A always came out as B of A....not BOA & thought that B of A was only in California how stupid can I be?

It was good to realize that the detective is actually working on the case at this point in time & not letting is slide. That is the one positive thing I have to look at to make me feel better today with how horrible I have been feeling overall. I just want it to all go away.....rerun the tape & remake the scene at the point where I decided to stay at the wrong motel or even farther back where I decided to pack my things differently so I didn't loose any of the things that had so much meaning to my life. I know I have to come to terms & accept that they were only things but it's hard when there aren't that many things that do have value in ones life. This too shall pass. I know it....but when one is in the middle of it all....it doesn't look like there is an end.

Debbie

Debbie

Debbie,

I agree with you that you shouldn't let your husband come to your new home. You have worked so hard to break away from him. I think you need to keep your new home sacred, in the sense you don't want HIM there. Darn men!!!

Hugs,

EJ

Thanks EJ.......just had it out with him & confronted him about the passive agressive crap he's been pulling & refusing to take any responsibliity in getting the California house refinanced or a second so we can get it fixed up & sold. He's telling me that he can't do anything without me telling him what to do because he doesn't know what to do???? I have to tell him everything....my gosh, he's 55 years old & is acting like a 2 year old. I sware there is something wrong with his mind & maybe not just mental illness but I am at a point where I just can't stand him so bad I don't care anymore. I have lost any bit of caring that ever existed.

It seems to me that he is doing nothing about getting this house & us separated so that the longer I have to continue support the house in California, the less money I have for the Kentucky house & the more chances there is that I will feel financially needing of his disability income to make it in Kentucky. I will do without before I ever let him into my life there....& I feel so strongly about that I will never change my mind at this point. When I feel that someone is manulipating me like that I get mad & then I refuse to have anything to do with them....it will cost him if I take over all the responsibliities for getting out of the California house.....I will get my share + compensation for the time I put into handling everything & I'm not going to be nice about it. He knows not to make me angry from past experience, but doesn't seem to care.....what a jerk.

To top all this, I feel like my whole world is falling in around me. My husband has been caring for the horses strangles illness at the ranch where they are boarded.....maybe 1/2 hour per day at most....but he came home today & one of the horses that was sick with the strangles when down this evening & wouldn't get up.....it doesn't look good & he might die. I can't help but feel guilty since my horse was the one that brought the illness to the ranch (a previous post middle of Oct). I had no idea that my horse was even exposed to it but the fact is that is has had such a financial impact on the ranch & then now if the horse is dying from it (which it can happen)......I just have this sick feeling inside that I can't get rid of.

I feel like everything is falling apart around me & I'm trying to hold myself together by a string....& it's not working very well. It's tough when there is really no one in the real world to turn to.....since I have no family & my husband isn't family......I don't know where to turn right now with everything collapsing around me.....it's hard when you know you aren't really responsible, but you know that you could have made a difference with a simple decision.

That seems to be the story of my life & I keep ending up with the wrong decisions being made by default.

Life is spinning out of control right now & I am fighting to stay in control but getting physically sick from it while I'm at it...the stress is so intense that I am feeling exhausted even when I get sleep & rest. I just need a break & it isn't there for having.

I can hold on but how much longer I don't know,
Debbie

well, ya just hafta hold on Eskie.. there is no ther option?

Nowhere....you are most definitely right.....there is no other option....there is no other option....I keep telling myself that & I know that it will be true. It's just when exhaustion hits, the energy is missing...it's a scarry feeling to have.

Debbie

Hi Debbie,

It sounds like your husband is trying to manipulate you into letting him come with you.

You and I both need a break. I'm trying to hold on with keeping my three classes going until this Friday for online class, and until Thursday, the 13th for my two "live" classes.

This being an adult is pretty tough stuff sometimes. I know you can do it.

I will be praying for you.

Hugs & prayers,

EJ

rest has been known to bring peace.. and many wholistic remedies are available.. you will get thru.. i believe in you...

{{{{{{{{{{{{Debbie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You're doing the best you can, Hon. It's all gonna be okay. Just don't loose sight of all you've accomplished... starting with getting yourself out of CA from the very beginning. You've come so far!

When things start getting you down, picture your horses in the fields of your "Kentucky Home." Soak in the peace that vision will give you. You're almost there, Deb! You're almost there!!

It's the thinking about the horses that is also bringing horrible issues to being.....I can't handle if the horse dies because of the desiese my horse brought to the barn.....Even thouth I knew nothing about her having it or being exposed....I just can't handle this.....the ranch owner has already lost 2 horses to colic since I left the beginning of October......if this one dies because of the strangels my horse brought to the ranch...I just don't know what I will do???? I don't handle the loss of a horse when it's not something caused from me.....but when it comes from something that happened because of me.....it's more than I can handle especially right now on top of everything else that is happening......just way too much....way too much. Even with logic telling me that I couldn't help what happened & I didn't know even that it was happening....it's happening & that is fact & if I hadn't had my horse brought to the barn with the strangles.....this all wouldn't have happened to her, her ranch, or the horses...& to have one die because of it, that's just way too much.

can't stop the tears,
Debbie

Hang in there Debbie.... you are doing great!!! I want to tell you a story. Related to your precious flute.

A friend of mine had his truck stolen right out of his driveway. He had just returned from a weekend of pow wow dancing. It was late and he was tired so he didn't unpack the truck before going in to bed. Among the items left in the truck was a suitcase with all of his dancing regalia. Some pieces of beadwork were over 100 years old. They had been passed through several generations. His eagle feather bussel and a ceremony pipe that had been in his family for generations were also in the case. No small loss for him or his family for that matter. I asked if there was anything in the case that had his address on it. I figured the car thief might get rid of the suitcase and it could show up separately. He didn't think he had anything in the case with his name on it.

He of course was devistated. I think he was in shock too because he immediately just let it go. He didn't expect to ever see any of it again and wouldn't talk about it either.

I reminded him of our cultural beliefs. I reminded him that he needed to have a ceremony and call the regalia, bussel and pipe home. To my surprise he brushed it off. He wouldn't do the ceremony. To him they were gone and nothing would bring them back. The cops didn't have much hope that they would recover the truck any time soon and had no hope to offer him about seeing the contents again.

I couldn't let it go. I tried again to encourage him to do a ceremony and pray for the return of his priceless possessions. Seeing his pain I finally let him be and went outside to a quite place on my own to offer prayers. I called the pipe, the regalia and the bussel home. It was short and sweet but from my heart and with unwavering faith that my prayers would be answered. Faith that my prayers would bring them all home.

Maybe two or three days later he got a phone call. It was from a woman who had his suitcase. She'd picked it up outside a 'Bibles for Missions' store before the store opened. Lots of people drop things at the door at all hours. It was among them. She'd found his name and number on a business card that 'happened' to be in there. It was in a town an hour up the road from where he lived.

When he got to his case he found everything in tact. Nothing was missing. He couldn't have been happier or more amazed. I beamed. It was truly amazing. Only prayer could have made that happen. It was almost freeky if it weren't so amazingly wonderful. How did it get there? If not by divine intervention it seems impossible to image he actually had it all back in perfect, untouched order. He still talks about how amazing it was that his business card ended up in that case. It still amazes us that the case hadn't been chucked into a ditch somewhere along the highway instead.

Side Note: I thought it especially cool that it showed up at Bibles for Missions. It showed me Creator's sense of humour. You see, I'm a Christian and I often get flack from my friend who relates Christianity to residential school abuses. He often teases me when I sing christian songs or he hears me praying to or praising Jesus. I also practise traditional native ceremonies and I don't see any controdiction so it makes for interesting back and forths between us.

Having it show up at Bibles for Missions was like Creator telling me... and him... it was my faith, grounded in Christian teachings as well as native spiritual understandings... my prayers to Jesus and my beliefs in the spirit world that brought those prescious pieces home. My friend didn't do the ceremony he'd been taught to do in cases like this. His pain caused him to turn his back on his teachings and loose his faith when he needed it the most. With or with ceremony I was going to pray.... I went outside and sat upon Mother Earth and spoke my faith and empowered the spirits to make the journey home. I prayed to Jesus and asked for his help and blessings. Creator heard my prayers and quieted my cries and released the angels and they aligned to bring the pieces home.

Prayer changes things Debbie. It brings things back into alignment when we ask it to. I am praying now that your flute and other irreplaceable possessions find their way back to you. I call upon the spirit of your flute, to allow the life that you have breathed into it, the love that you have carressed it with to rise up to be carried back to you on the wings of angels. May it be so that Creator and all of creation is glorified and made more real in the hearts of all the children of the earth by this blessing to you.

Please try Debbie not to look back and play out different scenerios. Image different decisions. It will only cause you more anxiety. Move forward one step at a time. One challenge at a time. Pacing yourself all along the way. Guide your flute home to you. Call it back to its home with you in whatever way or manner that you are comfortable with. Hear it playing in your head. Feel your breath making it sing. Remember the sweet music you shared. Invite it home again.

I'm sorry you don't have family to support you. I was wondering if there wasn't someone who might be willing to drive out to KY with you. I know how debilitating the anxiety can be and how hard it can be to drive in that state. You might want to think about who might be able to do this for you. Think outside the box. You never know who might be ready to be your angel until you put it out for one to bless you. Maybe you can get some financial support to fly the person home. I'd just hate to see you have to delay your trip home because you are too stress to travel. Seems to me you need to get back to KY asap to help ground you again. Maybe there is someone on PC who lives in California who'd be up for an adventure with you.

Love you Debbie.... and believing you will be blessed in amazing ways for your perseverance and determination to ride this storm through to its end. It will end and the sun will shine again and you will know the peace of calm again. You will breath that good Kentucky air and run with your horse and make beautiful music again with your flute. You will do it all again soon. Hang in there sweet friend. My thoughts and prayers are with you always.

Take good care.....

Just read your last post... Pleas Debbie.... No more IF's. Try to rest honey. Don't carry this load. It will pull you down. Hang tight. You will make it.

Hi Debbie,

One of the classes I teach at college is Ethics. Hold onto what Kant believed. His belief is built on people's intentions. You never intended to bring any harm to any of the other horses, where you boarded your horses.

I also had a friend once, who said, "Don't pick up anything that isn't yours." Really the horses dying isn't yours to pick up.

Peace,

EJ

Thank you Chocolatelover & EJ,

I know that God, my creator, puts words in the right place at the right time for those in need.....I can't tell you how much your words have a huge meaning & impact on my feelings right now. I stopped by PC before trying to get some sleep & being greeted with your awsome words of prayer & reminding that not only my tracking ability but also my trust in my prayers being answered will make a difference.

The calming comfort that your words have provieded have been amazing.....I have no words that can express my thanks.....to both of you for the reminders of the true reality of the situations I am in right now.

Love & blessings to you,
Debbie

Debbie! Sweety! My suggestion was for you to imagine YOUR horses in YOUR field in Kentucky! None of this has happened in your imagination, Hon! Make it your SAFE PLACE where you can gather peace and strength to go on. Our minds accept images we see as fact, the feelings that we feel while imagining peaceful places and things are accepted by our mind and give us what we need at the moment. It's a vacation, if you will, from all the unpleasantness going on IRL.

If I wasn't so emotionally wrought myself at the time, I'd drive up there and help you through some of these images. I don't know. The thought just came to my head. Maybe I can find some time and a way up there. Let me think about it, ok?

In the meantime, try what I suggested.....

If you can remember back... do you remember what happened when I tried to show off my glasses to Lucas? C'mon now! Laugh! LOL

I'm so blessed my thoughts and prayers provided you some comfort. You have some mighty friends and prayer warriors on your side.

Walk in peace.....

Tomi,

Oh yes, I can't forget the glasses....not in one piece after that......giving me a chuckle & we all know that laughter is the best medicine. yes, trying the imagry is a bit difficult right now even though I know it woud help....it's kind of hard to find any images in my mind except for the smashed window in the truck....what a horrible image to have stuck there.

I so appreciate your thoughts & the support that comes through them....that means so much to me....more than you can every imagine.

chocolatelover,
I do feel so very very blessed to have all these friends & prayer support to help me through this time......that is the one thing that really helps get me through all of this knowing that God is on my side & he is directing & guiding me in every aspect & step I have to take through everything that is going on in my life. Knowing that prayer support from others strengthens the prayers also is very comforting to me. His guiding also is providing me with the words from others like you that comfort & provide gentle reminders that are needed during struggles like this.

I am definitely blessed that all of you are in my life to provide the support & kindness that is so important to helping me through this rough time.

May you all be blessed as you are blessing me with your kindness,
Debbie

A short update. I was able to sleep for over 24 hours with the help of my anxiety med, so thankful for that. That sleep was interrupted a few times one by the detective letting me know that he thought the circumstantial evidence was enough for them to agree to a search warrent & wanted as much detailed descriptions as possible on the things I had stolen. Very much grogy, but I tried my best to give full descriptions of the things that were easy & unique besides the flute. I found myself waking up several times after that, remembering a few more details I wanted him to have. He said he would call me from the house if he had any questions about any of the items. Sadly the day went by & I never heard from him, so I don't know if they refused the search warrent or she wasn't at the house for them to search.

I was also rudely called by people PC finance office threatening me about the fact that I owed them for the service that my credit card declined. He got an earful from me at that point. The account had been cancelled due to fraud...why if it was cancelled didn't they connect with the finance office & make sure they knew about it? He got an earfull from me. I ended up having to call billing again & have them take care if it. They promised that finance would never contact me again about the account. If I hadn't needed the phone on for any emergency, I would have shut it off, but couldn't do that.

Then on top of everything else, I have been having problems with my teeth breaking off (bad enamel & nothing they could do with them).....the one tooth right next to my 2 front teeth just broke right off when I was munching on a small handfull of sunflower seeds. No pain at all, but how horrible it looks. I can't open my mouth without feeling so ugly. Now I have to make my teeth a high priority. I was planning on having them all pulled & getting the inplants when I got settled in KY. Now????? I don't think I can wait that long & then thinking more logically, am I better off having someone in the house with me & someone able to drive me to the oral surgery appointments....even if it is my husband who makes me so angry that I see red. I know it's using him......but I am a bit afraid of going through oral surgeries & being all alone afterwards if any complications would happen. Being at my remote farm all alone in KY isn't a very smart thing to do for oral surgeries like that....even though I know that is the price that comes with being alone & free from this person who is driving me to such anger.
I have no insurance to cover the cost of any dental work at all & most insurance doesn't cover inplants anyway. It is probably less expensive in KY but don't know about the quality of dentists there....they might be better also. I can't imagine having dentures.....can't you just see my teeth flying out as I'm riding my horse in a horse show.......LOL. That woud definitely get attention by the judge.....wonder how many points that would be worth????.....lol. I looked into inplants last spring. I have such a fear of dentists that this isn't helping my anxiety level at all either. I just didn't need anything else like this right now. I will probably need the oral surguries done in California, then have the inplants done in KY where they will be there to continually support the work after it's done. Just my thoughts at this moment.

When I finally got myself up yesterday, I spent some time just reading through others posts & spending some time trying to think of others. It helps to take my mind off of my troubles to be able to hear the good news of others & trying to read & support others who are going through rough times also....helping me to realize at this point in time that others are struggling also & need support as I do......helping me to think about others...not just myself does help bring life back into perspective. That is the beauty of PC.

I did sent off an email to the journalist...regarding the situation that seems to be surrounding the theft from my truck & the ID theft that came from the motel. It does seem that the person who stole everything was really trying to help this lady since the shoes were a purchase of kids shoes & the water bill that was paid was for an account that hadn't been paid since Aug 2 & they were about to shut off the water. I might be able to manulipulate getting my thimgs back if I were to offer the payment of the water bill & purchase the shoes in return for my things. I was willing to offer a reward for the return of my flute anyway & by paying these expenses, that would be a much better use of the money than just a reward. I suggested to the journalist that there might be a human interest story here about the lady that is in need of the help & that stealing isn't the answer to helping a friend & that is can put you into jepardy when you end up stealing somethimg that is so vauable you have committed a felony. I have the name of the guy at the motel now, so they should be abe to tie her to him somehow if the police do it right.....or I could call up & offer this in return for my flute & all the things that were stolen out of my bag....but especially my flute. I have enough information to make this offer & make her know just how much I know.....so there may be a way to apply a bit of pressure there that the police can't offer.

I have to make sure I don't mess anything up & work with the police on this situation, but it looks like there should be a chance for finding the where abouts of my flute & other items even if they threw them away.....the dump can always be gone through based on where the items came from......will see what the future holds.

Oh yes, a very sad note, the horse that was very sick because of the complications from the strangles didn't make it. I heard that his owners were at the ranch, giving him some treats & checking on how he was doing. They went inside for a short while & when they came back out, he had died. This is so very sad for me because he was a wonderful horse & his owners & the ranch owner shouldn't have had this happen for them to have to deal with. This whole situation has taught me that one never withholds any information that you have from anyone even if you think it is not important. If I had only known that my horse had been exposed to strangles, I would have known what is was when I saw the swelling & she never would have been moved to the ranch & the strangles never would have spread to the 17 horses that got if from my filly & this horse never would have died. Yes, this is full of IF ONLY's, but the one huge if only that is at the base of it all was the "IF ONLY the information had been passed along........"

I have learned that one passes on all information...if people choose to ignore it or not use it then it's their responsibility, not mine at that point, but if I withhold information than I am the responsible party....which is what happened at the previous ranch where I was boarding. She chose to withhold the information from me because she thought there was no reason to pass it on....& look what happened. I am so sad at the needless loss of this horses life. I know logically that I am not responsible but that does not take away the sadness I feel that this came from my horse & my lack of information.

Bless you all for all the support you have provided me during everything I am going through. I can't thank you enough & only pray that I can be here for you & provide support when you need it,

Love & blessings to all,
Debbie

Debbie,

Let the detectives do their jobs. You don't know who else these people are mixed up with, and if you keep popping up in their faces -- no matter how logical your idea is -- they could seek to do you bodily harm.

If you think you need to stay with your husband while you have oral surgery, I do not see that as using your husband. Haven't you done a "million" things to help him out over the years? It is a reciprocal situation.

That type of surgery is very painful, and expensive. So do you want to go through that kind of pain and expense right now?

You're a very intelligent woman, so I know you will make the right decision.

EJ