is anyone else here set on an age where they think enough is enough, I don't want anything past that age

I've thought about this long and hard (it's something that's important to me), and I've decided that I'd hate to live past the age of 50- I think 50 is my limit

is this wrong?

actually setting up the age you want it all to end?

I don't think so. to me it's a comfort, to me it's knowing when I've had enough (and 50 years on this earth is what I believe I can take), and it's helping me plan ahead better for like the end etc

thoughts?

[TishaBuv]

What are you going to do when you celebrate your 50th birthday and wake up the next morning?

Possible trigger:

Are you thinking you will be sui?

I had a bf when I was 18 who would say he didn’t plan to live past 23. That was very disturbing to me. I tried to discuss with him exactly what and why he was thinking and saying that. I was one factor I broke it off with him. As far as I know he is still alive. We are over 50 now.

[saidso]

I don't think that it's wrong and I totally understand it being a comfort, so long as it is really a comfort and not part of some downward thought spiral if you know what I mean.

I think your impulse to draw a line under what is supportable (sorry can't get correct English word here) is fine. I was talking for the first time at the weekend about assisted dying because I saw a friend suffer from attempts to revive her while dying, and I want to die in peace without well-intentioned medics thumping on me. It was a relief to say that and have it accepted by other people and has encouraged me to put this limit legally into place as best I can.

It is important to me personally to respect life. I was also talking to some people about killing people who don't respect your religion and I realised that my baseline is that I can't create life - it's a big mystery where it all comes from - so I am not going to destroy it. Someone tried to murder me and I was surprised to find myself deciding that I wasn't going to take out a knife and kill him.

But there are limits to the suffering that I want inflicted on me in the name of medical science, and I don't see why anyone has to make a decision about that except my self. It's a horror to me to be bashed back into life when I am on the edge of leaving it.

I'm not at all wanting to get rid of you raging vortex!!! Enjoy your presence on these forums. Just don't think that you have to feel guilty or ashamed about such thoughts.

Also when my friend knew that her illness was terminal, she lived her last few months fully to the joy of friends and other people around her. I don't know how many years you have before 50 (???) but perhaps we could throw a big party for you on PC meanwhile?

[TishaBuv]

My father died at 44. When I was approaching that age, I was thinking something similar to the idea behind this post. It was based on survivor’s guilt, IMHO. I lived past 44.

[amandalouise]

dying at a certain age. in reality the only way that can be accomplished is if someone committed suicide right on their birthday of that certain age.

my first and immediate thought is what a way for my family to remember me for. ... yea amanda was my mom and todays her birthday but she didnt want to get any older so she committed suicide. She cared for us in her own way but she cared more about getting rid of what her problems were the fast way instead of doing the work....

yea not the way I would want to be remembered. and not the way I would want my loved ones to feel every year on my birthday after my death...

but in general not related to me death by a certain age, thats an interesting concept. I just watched a movie on netflix where no one was allowed to live past the age of 30. (logans run)

what a sad idea too because looking back at all the things I would have missed if there was death at a certain age. ... my children, my wife, all the great experiences we have had together including things like going to north pole NY, reading that great book I just finished with, ....

my suggestion read your past posts and notice all the different positives that you would have missed out on. look at your present life, that favorite foods and such, events that you enjoyed and notice they are scattered through out your lifetime. bad things dont happen at or by a certain age. and good doesnt stop happening by a certain age.

My point I am a firm believer that even though we have mental and physical health challenges we can have a good and happy life too. we all make our own choices in life. I choose to make the choices that will give me the kind of life I would like to have. Rather than focusing on dying by a certain age.

[WishfulThinker66]

How morbid. How insulting to those of us over 50. My best years thus far were my forties and this 52nd year is shaping up to be a fabulous one.

Please don't sell yourself short are the words that come to mind. How unfortunate you should think this way.

What more can I say? There is a sense of freedom that comes with middle age. I am no longer pressured to look a certain way. At 30 I felt I still was required to look 19. At 40 I felt pressured to maintain a youthful appearance and be impossibly slender. Now at 50 I feel a liberation from that pressure to conform. There is freedom from other mindsets too. Essentially I am free to be who I want to be and my worries about judgement are starting to subside. I still have my moments but it is easier to hold my head up high in a crowd. My relationships have improved with age too.

I feel for you that you see no value in getting older. Self-doubt must be strong. Am I correct in that there are some self-worth and self esteem troubles in your life?

[MickeyCheeky]

I understand what you mean, raging vortex Sometimes I have thought about it as well. I don't think it's wrong at all! It's normal to set up the age we want to live. I don't think you're wrong in doing it, as long as you don't do anything dangerous. Most of us want to live a fulfilling life, after all. If it's helping you to plan your life better, then go ahead and keep doing it! Anything that may help you feel better. Just stay safe and take care of yourself. We all love you here. Please remember that. Sending many hugs to you, raging vortex. You're a strong, wonderful person

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I understand what you mean, raging vortex Sometimes I have thought about it as well. I don't think it's wrong at all! It's normal to set up the age we want to live. I don't think you're wrong in doing it, as long as you don't do anything dangerous. Most of us want to live a fulfilling life, after all. If it's helping you to plan your life better, then go ahead and keep doing it! Anything that may help you feel better. Just stay safe and take care of yourself. We all love you here. Please remember that. Sending many hugs to you, raging vortex. You're a strong, wonderful person

It is unhealthy thinking. Yikes, is it normal to set up the age we want to live?

When I was very young, 50 seemed old. As I aged, 50 became the new 30.

[IrisBloom]

First of all, you don't know how you will feel at 50. Old age has its own rewards.

When my older kids were small I thought I'd do myself in when the youngest turned 18. I had another baby when she was 13, so that plan went out the window. Then I started having grandkids and wanted to stick around to enjoy them. Also along the way I had a few health issues which I might have died from if not treated. I found that I very much did not want to die.

Now at 60, I sometimes feel that the best is past and there is nothing to look forward to, but I also know that you never know what tomorrow will bring. I am now in a good situation that I never dreamed would come my way.

I think your thinking and priorities will change through the years. Heck at 50 you're a half a century old! Something to be proud of! It's not all downhill after 50.

So to answer your question, you can set a date but I'd bet when the time comes you might feel differently.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

What are you going to do when you celebrate your 50th birthday and wake up the next morning?

Possible trigger:

Are you thinking you will be sui?

I had a bf when I was 18 who would say he didn’t plan to live past 23. That was very disturbing to me. I tried to discuss with him exactly what and why he was thinking and saying that. I was one factor I broke it off with him. As far as I know he is still alive. We are over 50 now.

Possible trigger:

I am sui every birthday

I think a lot of it's down to guilt

their are 365 days in a year (that's a lot of oppotunity and a lot of time wasted), I have nothing to celebrate so in sted of feeling yay, another good year on this earth, I'm thinking.. and I'm still here... why, exactly?. what exactly is that elusive purpose of mine I can't seem to find?

that's my thought process anyway

considering I've had a **** life, I think I'm actually being generous to myself saying 50, giving myself the chance to live to that age and see what it's like (I don't hold my breath)

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

It is unhealthy thinking. Yikes, is it normal to set up the age we want to live?

When I was very young, 50 seemed old. As I aged, 50 became the new 30.

I think a lot of that though is down to life expectancy

years ago you couldn't live to 50, and if you could you were lucky

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

How morbid. How insulting to those of us over 50. My best years thus far were my forties and this 52nd year is shaping up to be a fabulous one.

Please don't sell yourself short are the words that come to mind. How unfortunate you should think this way.

What more can I say? There is a sense of freedom that comes with middle age. I am no longer pressured to look a certain way. At 30 I felt I still was required to look 19. At 40 I felt pressured to maintain a youthful appearance and be impossibly slender. Now at 50 I feel a liberation from that pressure to conform. There is freedom from other mindsets too. Essentially I am free to be who I want to be and my worries about judgement are starting to subside. I still have my moments but it is easier to hold my head up high in a crowd. My relationships have improved with age too.

I feel for you that you see no value in getting older. Self-doubt must be strong. Am I correct in that there are some self-worth and self esteem troubles in your life?

oh, deffenetly

and I'm sure being over 50 has it's rewards

one of my grandads, for example, worked really hard in his adult life, quit his job when he was 50, and found a new life for himself- he became a fan of fishing, went on a cruise, other vacations, baught a caravan, etc

but that's him.

I don't want to buy a caravan, know, and to be quite honest, I don't fancy fishing- but my point is that he lived quite comfortably because he spent most of his adult life in a well paying job

I don't even have that

my point is.. what I'm trying to say is,

if you have something to live for, and if you have goals, then living to 50, 60, 70, even 80... if it works for you, do it

but if you don't, and if you've spent your entire life sat at home wondering about your very existance, yeah... I really don't see the appeal

either people have plans, or they don't

I don't have plans for the next 20 minits, forget a few days/ years from now

terry pratchett once said that life wouldn't be worth it once he couldn't do what he enjoyed doing (in his case writing)

so, if I have nothing I really enjoy (accept for listening to music and the internet) I think terry makes a dam good case

[nicoleflynn]

I want to be 100--I am 72 and feel 18!

[mote.of.soul]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

...is this wrong?

No, I don't think it's wrong to entertain such a notion. All through my youth and the years leading up to the age of 50 I've thought of 50 as being old as well - I still do - and I turned 50 last month! - but I still feel like I'm in my twenties! Madness!! And a weird thing happens for me as well: when I look in the mirror I still look, for me, to be around age 30 or so, but if I take a selfie - omgoodness!, I look 60! Haha. But it's obvious by peoples responses etc., that I look 50. People say 'Sir' to me now - which I like :-)

But, no. Just keep plodding along, your feelings will change as time goes by. And things you may like now you may not like in the future and vice versa you see. The person may change.

[Fuzzybear]

I don’t think it’s wrong either. Your feelings might change as time goes by, hugs.

[eskielover]

My real life began at 54.....for the first time I experienced peace & an involvement in community. Life was finally what I always thought life should be like. Shoot I am still riding horses at 66, I have the farm I always dreamed of having & I am no longer married to the guy who made my life miserable. Life is finally good.....so as long as I am finally very healthy.....I want to enjoy life as long as possible to make up for lost time.

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

I want to be 100--I am 72 and feel 18!

and of course get a letter from the queen

well I'm not sure who you get a letter from outside the UK, but in the UK if you turn 100 you get one from the queen

[nicoleflynn]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

and of course get a letter from the queen

well I'm not sure who you get a letter from outside the UK, but in the UK if you turn 100 you get one from the queen

Oh, neat! Wish I lived in the UK!

[divine1966]

I am 53. Guess I am three years over the limit. I think I am still quite young though.

Do you have a therapist who can help you looking for something you can do that’s useful like volunteer helping others? It could give your life more meaning

[Fuzzybear]

I doubt if

Possible trigger:

there is likely to be much of a useful therapist in the public system in this country. Of course there are exceptions...Meaning can come from different things.. therapists at times try to steal our purpose. And devalue our strength.. so “facilitating” the wish to die younger...personally I certainly would not wish to be still “alive” in 20 years. But yes, if healthy life can definitely get better..

This is rather a “depressing” thread... to me anyway. Maybe I “should” apologise for my “negativity”.....

Raging vortex, I hope you find your purpose.. I wouldn’t recommend hoping that a therapist would help with that.

Hugs

[Fuzzybear]

PS I know that there are some good professionals.. even in this country... who I have not had the pleasure of meeting.

With respect to all survivors of this wish to die. I get it

[divine1966]

Close relative of mine (won’t say for anonymity reasons) lives in UK and saw a therapist on three different occasions, different therapists for different reasons, all through NHS, and she is pleased with all of them. The only downside is that there is alwars some type of time limit. It worked for her as she needed it for shorter duration of time but it worked for her. I could see how that could be a problem though

[-jimi-]

I used to think it was impossible to live past 30.

The sad truth is that I only met one mentally ill person that lived an average life span. None of the others have. Part from anything directly self inflicted, that goes for death by other causes as well. Oldest friend I had was 71, most don't seem to make it much past 60.

I'm not saying this to be mean to anyone, it just seems a fact just a few of us live to be really old.

With regard to Jimi's comment on life expectancy, I have met plenty of people with mental health concerns who lived into their 70s, 80s, and 90s. I think it is important to share messages of hope with folks who are struggling. Hope is very good for our health: mental, physical, and spiritual.