[DazedandConfused254]

I need support and help as quickly as possible, as this week I’ve just been falling apart. To cope with some recent stressors, namely an argument I had with my folks on a recent trip and seemingly losing my only possible chance for love when she got engaged recently, I went to the bar one night last week. It was chill at first. Watched my favorite baseball team but then it turned ugly when I got buzzed and started walking home afterwards. I walked heavier than usual and my recent stress came back even worse than it was before drinking.
Then I took 15 mg of melatonin during my stupor.

Then I got my very first speeding ticket yesterday, and I have been under constant anxiety attacks since. I was asleep until almost 12:30 pm, after turning in last night at midnight, and then didn’t even get out of bed until 2. Like the last incident I was careless about my usual melatonin supplement, when I had my typical 5 mg at bedtime, but then 10 mg when I got impatient about returning to sleep at 4:30 am. I’ve been paranoid about driving, so I depended heavily on Ubers and my former campus’s shuttles all day.

On both occasions, when I’ve talked to my support group about these problems, I’ve dropped things like (possible thoughts triggered, follows):

Possible trigger:

“I wish I was never born” and the like. On the night I had too much to drink I had internal dialog that was vocalized like “it would be great if a snake bit me walking through this pasture (on the way home from the bar)”.

I have no plans to commit suicide, but I am worried about what I have said at the times when I was intoxicated and just out of stress. Are these thoughts suicidal and needing action?

All of these incidents have come from a basis of becoming angry with my relationships (particularly my parents, larger social groups) in recent years, and what is the antidote? More relationships, the necessary evil that has made me spiral in the first place! Seems absurd when my support group (parents, aunt, couple of friends) have recommended this, because I literally have nothing good to offer to improve anybody’s quality of life. The rejections I have received, both romantic and from my last few circles I previously affiliated with, all proved that I do not have anything to add, except trying my best to be just like everybody else. All relationships have the risk for getting hurt, why take the risk?

I’m venting, so I apologize for yet another long post, but I am worried about my self-control at the moment. I’m seeing my counselor more and increasing my Lexapro to 20 mg because of my increase in anxiety symptoms and doomsday thinking. But what other coping strategies can I implement to avoid too much alcohol or melatonin supplements? Will my life continue to be a hopeless spiral relationally and emotionally?

[MickeyCheeky]

I understand what you mean, DazedandConfused254! I don't have a lot of advice to give to you unfortunately. I DO believe you're doing well though by taking care of yourself though! Counselling and Meds will be able to help you hopefully. If this doesn't prove to be enough, definitely talk to your doctor about ALL of this and see how it goes from there! I'm not sure whether your thoughts may prove dangerous or not. That's up to you to decide how much safe you feel. If things get bad DEFINITELY go to an hospital or at least try to call an hotline if it can help! Your safety must be the priority! I'm sure life will get better soon for you. You just have to hang in there a little bit more. Good thinghs will come! I'm sure of that! Just try tof ocus on yourself and your own health for now. You'll think later about relationships. Right now YOU are the most important person in the world! Take GREAT care of yourself! Let us know how things are going for you! We ALL DO care about you! THAT'S A PROMISE! Wish you the best of luck in your healing and in your life! Sending many hugs to BOTH you and your family, DazedandConfused254!

[distraughtpickle]

Like MickeyCheeky, I'm sorry I can't do much. I wish you the best with your counselor visit and hope they can help! Good luck, and I know you can get through this. And of course, ignore your "support group," keep pushing through for yourself. You got this!

[Malcolmsadness]

Much like yourself, i have been uprooted from my source of stability. There's nothing more unnerving than a feeling of hopelessness. Losing ones self control is a common response to most traumatic situations
It's not the answer to take it to the extreme, the answer is to feed it enough to make it go away. I use free weights when i can or go for a ride, a very long ride. Distraction can be useful, but it's only a band aid. I hope you find your way back. Lots of us have been there in one way or another. There is help here for you so it's good you are with us.
Take care now -M

[hvert]

Oh, that sucks about the speeding ticket. I hope you are feeling less stressed about it now - those things just happen sometimes but it's not going to affect you that much in the long run. Are you going to pay it or contest it?

What would you think about going to a therapy support group? It might be something to ask your counselor about. Meeting people who share similar struggles can be pretty rewarding and that seems like a good place to do it. I hope that doesn't sound like what you are hearing from your parents/friends/aunt, though, I take it back if it does!

Re: coping, would one of those weekly pill boxes help keep you on track with the melatonin? It would be an extra reminder not to take too much.

I hope your counselor was able to help you figure out some good coping strategies - the exercise suggestion is a really good one.

[avlady]

hello, I think you should maybe get a med change or lower or upper the amount, the doc should know, especially if you are having suicidal feelings. I hate to say it as I've been told that many times and it has been right. Good luck

[DazedandConfused254]

@MickeyCheeky: Thank you so much for coming in clutch as always. I have re-evaluated my thoughts since they emerged and they don’t seem to be harmful at all. However, I think I will still keep them in mind for my therapist. I just need to concentrate on myself first because if not, there won’t be anything left for others to savor!

@Malcolmsadness: Thanks for replying and giving your insight. I have frequently used distraction as a method of coping but I think it is a good point that you make that sometimes it’s more like a bandaid than others.

@hvert: Thank you for caring and taking the time to inquire more about my situation. I am in the process of contesting my citation through Defensive Driving. I want to get it done ASAP, and thankfully it is almost complete. I want it off my record for any jobs I might apply to next. I like the sound of all of your suggestions also. My therapist has mentioned a support group also but that was before she switched companies, but maybe I might pick up the idea again. You are right in that my “support group” may not be completely tuned into my needs! Maybe narrowing down my support group even more to hypothetically, my therapist and PC may be imperative to hinder misunderstandings.

[Slater]

Oh my goodness, calm down. Speeding ticket? Everyone gets those.

Problems with relationships? Who DOESN'T have them?

Worried about what you're saying? DON'T DRINK. I don't think you're supposed to drink while taking medications, anyway.

Don't feel bad about sleeping too much. Relax. Play some music. Think positively. All will get better. I see you're only 24 years old. I'm 35. 24 was one of the worst years of my entire life. I survived and here I am. You will too!

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by Slater

Oh my goodness, calm down. Speeding ticket? Everyone gets those.

Problems with relationships? Who DOESN'T have them?

Worried about what you're saying? DON'T DRINK. I don't think you're supposed to drink while taking medications, anyway.

Don't feel bad about sleeping too much. Relax. Play some music. Think positively. All will get better. I see you're only 24 years old. I'm 35. 24 was one of the worst years of my entire life. I survived and here I am. You will too!

Thanks bud. Sometimes I just need a reality check to put things in perspective and that could be what I need right now lol

I've often depended too much on people for advice or guidance in life, even if I don't 100% agree. I've seen this in drinking as much as I could to join in the partying crowd, and sometimes being criticized by my folks for sleeping in most days. Now maybe I can drink water instead of beer and sleep better at night!