[salukigirl]

Im finding it difficult to "let things go". Little things, too. I can let tons of big things go, but man, you throw a little thing at me and BOOM im a time bomb. For example, a few people who are not in my life anymore, have made comments about me and towards me. I really don't take kindly to passive aggressiveness and this is exaclty what they did. Said things about me while they knew that I was there and knew what they were saying just to egg me on. So when I defend myself, I come across as the b****. how does that happen? Somehow I defend myself and it comes across and rude and offensive. But the people who say little snide remarks to %#@&#! me off in the first place are angels?

I guess what really makes me mad is that when someone says something like this to me I really sit down and examine myself for days at a time. I go over everything that comes out of my mouth and ask everyone their honest to god opinions about me. And when I was done I figured out that I really like who I turned out to be (for the most part) and if I use sarcasm as a coping mechanism then thats part of who I am. And I went to these people and said that I decided that im not going to change for them and that they should sit down and look at what theyre doing to other people. They antagonize and egg people on who are outside of their little clique. But then because they didn't "blow up" they don't feel that theyre doing anything wrong.

So I just want to be able to let things go. I want to be able to, everytime someone says something about me, think "they don't really know me outside this little space, so theyre assumptions about me are based on just a few conversations. they don't know who i really am, and the people who do really like me" but I just snap and forget all that stuff. I know it shouldn't bother me but i really just feel obliged to show these people how totally backwards they are. I want them to see that theyre doing exactly what theyre accusing people of. I want them to see how ignorant theyre being and how much they hurt other people. I want them to sit down and really look at themselves the way I did and honestly look and see if they like who they are. So it irritates me to know end when people walk around with this air about them like their **** doesn't stink when really theyre worse than everyone else.

Make any sense? I know I was probably all over the place. Im just kind of irritated. Sorry for the rambling.

[ECHOES]

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So I just want to be able to let things go. I want to be able to, everytime someone says something about me, think "they don't really know me outside this little space, so theyre assumptions about me are based on just a few conversations.

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What they say is really about them, not about you. You know that they have interpretted wrong. That is the point to let it go, without attempting to provide a defense.

We're all entitled to our opinions and interpretations, right and wrong ones.

You know your truths and so do those close to you. So letting go just requires lots and lots of practice. Practice not attempting to defend or explain and practice not dwelling on it and practice not letting it be more that the statement about the other person that it really is.

If I think someone is irritating, for example, that doesn't mean at all that the person actually IS irritating, it meand that something is going on in me to make me feel that way.
So, my thought about them being irritating is about me, not about them.

[curley]

okay, yes what you said does make sense. Yes I understand what you said and where you are coming from. Do something for yourself that may help your obsessiveness about the situation (I say obsessive, because I have been in same situations and reacted about the same way). You said people who know you like you....REMEMBER that. And the others who think it is funny to make comments, etc, screw them!!! Strange, you must be really important to these gabbers and gossipers, cause they talk about you so much!!!! Some may say that they are jealous, some may say they are insecure, among many other unhealthy traits. Ignore the B.S. Shine on these people and the ones that listen to them. It may be easier said then done, but do it and dont look back!!!

[salukigirl]

i know i should remember it. its just like whenever i get mad like that i just blank. i try, i really do and i have gotten better. i guess i just expect the quick fix from growing up in the 90's lol. im a digital generation or whatever the hell they call us kids now a days. lol. im also the kind of person who works out for a month, doesnt see instant results and then quits lol.

echoes - ive never thought about it that way.

y'know, when i used to meditate i was a lot calmer. i know what im supposed to do, its just harder to say than do, like you said. i just didnt realize it would take THIS much practice! lol. thanks for listening you guys (and for responding)

[sabby]

As much as we would like to think that other people's opinions about us don't really matter to us....whammo, something like this happens and all of a sudden you feel the need to protect yourself and enlighten those who have been hurtful.

Echoes is right...it is more about them than it is about you. If they want to be small minded and gossipy...then that is their choice. There is nothing out there that says you need to respond to them and explain yourself. I have found that the only way anyone would listen is if they asked for you to explain....offering explainations rarely enlightens anyone and usually ends up frustrating the heck out of me.

So, I basically got it through my head that they can talk about me all they want....go ahead....if they have nothing more important in their lives to talk about, then go for it. I can just as easily turn and walk away without giving them one little bit of emotion while maintaining my head held high. Yeah, it took time for me to learn how to do that...but dang...it's all worth the effort!


sabby

[salukigirl]

thanks sabby. on here i don't really feel that anymore. and my coworkerd don't do that to me either. i asked my boyfriend if he thought i was too sarcastic and aggressive and he said yes lol but thats one of the things he loves about me. he can't speak his mind so it scares him that im so brazen in my opinions and my activism but he wishes he could do that sometimes. I have learned to deal with comments I get when I protest or rally for a cause so I guess its the same idea, just applied somewhere else in my life. Ill work on it and hopefully get there eventually

how long did it take you guys? i gave up on drama several years ago towards the end of high school because it just annoyed me after a while. I thought things would get better once I graduated but here I am over half way through college and the same crap. Maybe once I graduate this time it'll stop.... considering these people Im talking about are in their 40's I doubt it though. I just wish it didn't have to be ignored in the first place. I wish people could just be civil and not try to antagonize people. oh well. maybe thats why im going into zoology lol... other animals cant talk back! lol

[GregBauder]

I hear you, Salukigirl, that some people are sly and cruel with underhanded remarks. The best thing I have found is to associate more with those who are honest and those who you can trust. It's not our fault we are ill or sensitive and
EVERYBODY has problems so perhaps you might want to make friendships with nice people like the ones here. In
life, though, there are always problems and disagreements
so it is vital to limit them for peace of mind and health. But,
sometimes it's necessary to be around negative people so
when we are it's best to avoid confrontation as that is what
they're hoping for. It's sad but true. -Greg

[salukigirl]

This guy I used to work with put it kinda like you did. They are saying those things because they are, usually, unhappy with whatever in their own lives and misery loves company. So why make myself miserable when im generally a happy person? And if you want to take the vindictive route - not saying anything will just make them even more steamed lol. Im figuring out lately that it's much easier than I thought to just say "im done with this" and change my mood. Like when my boyfriend and I are in some stupid fight I just say 'this is rediculous. I dont want to be mad anymore' and it's over. I guess no one has ever really taught me how to handle those kinds of things so it'll be more work but oh well.

thanks again all of you.