[Bookworm257]

I don't think I'm a narcissist or anything, but I wonder if I could be a selfish person.

I enjoy helping others, but I don't drop everything or go out of my way to do it. I'll only do it to escape the feelings of guilt from not doing it if I see someone who needs my help. When my parents are having a hard time with something, I'll think about helping them for a little bit but a lot of times, unless they're really struggling, I decide not to for my own reasons (I'm tired, I'm enjoying this movie, I don't absolutely need to help them, I'm drawing right now and I don't wanna be pulled away, etc)

I recently noticed through my text and e-mail exchanges with friends that I tend to talk about myself a lot. I talk about what projects I'm working on, what's going on with me, what's going on with my dogs, and only sometimes do I ask what's going on in the other person's life. I just realized that I hardly ever aks what's going on on my friend's lives.

I rarely worry about my friends and family members. I sometimes think about family or friends that I know are going through difficult things, and imagine what it's like for them, but this is rare. I typically don't give it much thought.

I cannot take constructive criticism. I'm becoming more self-aware, but until just recently (juuust recently), I would take everything personally; "this person hates me", "this person thinks I'm stupid", "this person has no idea what they're talking about and they clearly think there's something wrong with me", etc. I would actually argue with the other person and get upset. I constantly worry that other people think I'm dumb, or that they just staight-up hate me. I think they're trying to attack me instead of helping me get better at whatever it is.

I lie and have trouble taking blame. I feel guilty about things I do, but apologizing or admitting I was wrong feels incredibly iuncomfortable to me and I have trouble doing it. I sometimes in my mind I will reframe it to make excuses for what I did. I lie sometimes as long I know what I did wasn't technically harmful to anyone.

I am older teenager, so my mind is still maturing into an adult, but am I a selfish person? If so, how can I oversome this?

I've been thinking about this a lot and realizing that I do stuff that maight be selfish has made me feel not great. I think it's just a result of habits that I've gianed form not haivng very many friends and being an only child which made me not used to worrying about and interacting with others. I've not had a lot of other people in my life so I've gotten used to being in my own world and thinking about myself.

Please provide tips and advice. Thank you.

[MsLady]

I think what's more important is to take this information and use it to build healthier and more empathetic habits. It takes guts to dissect yourself like this and admit to these traits.

"Selfish" is such a strong and negative word so I wouldn't go there. I'd focus more on your quality of life, instead. It sounds to me like the root is more to do with an insecurity, and to discover this at such a young age, well done! There's definite hope.

What made you suddenly aware? Why does it bother you -- or does it? What are you hoping to achieve from this knowledge?

[Bookworm257]

Originally Posted by MsLady

I think what's more important is to take this information and use it to build healthier and more empathetic habits. It takes guts to dissect yourself like this and admit to these traits.

"Selfish" is such a strong and negative word so I wouldn't go there. I'd focus more on your quality of life, instead. It sounds to me like the root is more to do with an insecurity, and to discover this at such a young age, well done! There's definite hope.

What made you suddenly aware? Why does it bother you -- or does it? What are you hoping to achieve from this knowledge?

It does bother me. I admit I'm not the healthiest or most selfless person but I do have guilt. I think being older amde me realize this and when I did it made me feel guilty. I have grown more empathetic and I am able to realize more how my actions hurt others. I don't want my actions to hurt others so I guess what I'm hoping to achieve is to do things in a way that I don't hurt others or put my needs always above theirs.

[MsLady]

I think some of it is typical behaviour in teens. It looks like you've come up with your own solutions.

BTW, some level of selfishness is healthy. I'd even encourage it. Just find a nice balance. You're not obligated to attend to every Dic k and Harry.

[mote.of.soul]

Hi there Bookworm257,

I think it's great that you've become more aware, and the fact that a level of guilt for putting yourself first all the time is present, does indicate a conscience - which is important for the person self improving.

Now, are you selfish? Well, maybe you're being a little bit selfish at times, hehe, but don't worry, we're all the same in that respect, in my opinion. It's an important question to ask on the path of personal growth.

But I think if you want to feel less guilty, though, there's only one way that I know & suggest: and that's to just do a little bit towards those situations you pointed out where you've put yourself first all the time. Maybe send the occasional text to someone and ask 'how are you going?' or hop up and ask your folks if they need a hand with something, things like that. It is a bit of a self sacrifice but that's okay, it's for the best. It's always good to see people doing things for others without being asked, even just little things.

And also, just the fact that you're putting in the effort towards self change, is very good.

Great stuff Bookworm257.