[nowheretorun]

aw joe... i gotta ask myself why i get you humor and not some others... dang im a mess...

it was important this was brought up imo... dont know how the rules could be made more obvious?

[Rhapsody]

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nowheretorun said:
it was important this was brought up imo... dont know how the rules could be made more obvious?

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[Rhapsody]

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nowheretorun said:
aw joe... i gotta ask myself why i get you humor and not some others...

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I do believe You understand Joe (get his humor) for He is Male and so are You.

P.S.
Guess what?

And without knowing it you just made the best argument for why we still need to honor the rules made for the Men ONLY and Women ONLY Forums ..... for some times only the same gender gets what we are saying / feeling, even when we are joking about the opposite sex.

[nowheretorun]

i thought about that Rhapsody... i think i was trigged because i percieved an agressive statement (which really was a positive statement) ... and i hadnt fully woke up yet, so the cause for it all rests on me...

i laugh when women poke fun at men too when the fun is already rolling... i just mis-percieved and need to learn to understand better..

i am far from perfection... thanks for feedback Rhapsody.. im working on understanding myself better...

and i agree with the policy/rule personally...

take care..

[Rhapsody]

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heyjoe said:
im not sure what forum i should discuss my upcoming book PMS AND YOU : A Survival Guide for Men

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Just wanted to say that as much as I do believe this statement was meant as a joke more than any thing else.....
it still hurt me for I almost died from a suicide attempt that was made during my period due to PMDD - a severe form of PMS, therefore, from my side of the fence PMS is not a joking matter and this is probably why I will always prefer to discuss the issue of PMS with a female and not that of a male - for a male could never understand the physical or emotional control the female hormones has over them with no escape until it is over.

Please know that I am not made at any one..... just expressing my thoughts and feelings.

[nowheretorun]

even though there was some tension, i learned a lot from this all.. Rhapsody, just want to say i get where you're coming from and I respect everything about you ive read.. so sorry for all the triggers and everything and just hope its all cool now... sounds like it is...

[AAAAA]

I may be a geek, stickler, whatever, but I had never been in the mens forum until someone posted something in the woman's forum referring back to their original post in men's. Confused? I was too, so I went in to see what all the hub bub was about (regarding the posting).

I read that thread and have not been back in. I was a little offended to seen a man posting in the woman's forum. I knew it was all in good fun, but since it never occurred to me to enter theirs, I assumed the majority of men did not enter the woman's forum.

[bebop]

we can go in and read but just not post there. unless of course we are asked.

[_Hope_]

heyjoe, I so miss you sense of humor. glad to see you again

[AAAAA]

I don't know, sounds kind of creepy, like sneaking into a woman's bathroom at work and eavesdropping.

[seeker1950]

I made the mistake of posting in the men's forum one time...something jokingly about disposable razors, and I was promptly asked to delete it! I haven't been back to it since, nor have I read any of the posts there. I consider it forbidden territory!
Patty

[teejai]

Just as a matter of interest if a pre op M to F or F to M transsexual was to post here(assuming of course there are none here already) which forum would they be expected to post in?

I'll stay out of the Women's forum(meaning not posting) out of courtesy and respect but wouldn't feel comfortable/feel out of place on the Men's forum .

[(JD)]

IDK, I guess whichever you have in your profile or identify with as your own. If you are having to dress and act like a particular gender, then that is the forum I think you would post into? TC

[Rhapsody]

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teejai said:
Just as a matter of interest if a pre op M to F or F to M transsexual was to post here(assuming of course there are none here already) which forum would they be expected to post in?

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As I posted on this subject a few pages back..........


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Rhapsody said:
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Greenleaves said:
I have a friend who is transgendered. Biologically she is male, but she takes hormones and looks and sounds like a female.

Where would she post?

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I would say that she would go with what ever gender she defines her self as, and no one would object...... and please know that her issues the exception to this rule and not the rule it self.

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[Perna]

One can go in the men's forum and read; it's not like they're Martians or something! How else are you going to learn about what concerns the ones on this board? It's not magic or secret. One just can't post there if one is not male or in the women's forum if one is not female. You don't think we're each writing "what women should know about men" and "what men should know about women" in our forums to entertain only our own sex do you? No point in that.

I have a male alter.

It has been made clear to me that I am NOT to post in the mens forum.
That if I post in the men's forum (with male gender identity) I will have my threads 'moved' (deleted) and I'll be blocked.

I'm not to post to the spirituality forum either or the same thing will happen...

Whatever next?

Now that I've said that I'm not welcome on the womens forum anymore?

Sigh.

So much division... For what? How do you guys know whether I'm a guy or girl? Whether I'm under 21 or over?

Sigh.

For a forum that is supposed to be supportive of people with mental health issues...
Given that gender identity / sexual identity / sexual preference etc have long histories as being considered mental health issues...
I really can't see how it is supportive for their to be 'male' and 'female' forums.

It is just kind of...
Condoning the stigma that is already present in society.
People come in two kinds:
Male chromosomes / genitals / sexual identity / gender identity
Female chromosomes / genitals / sexual identity / gender identity
If you don't fit in one or the other and not both of those boxes then keep the hell away...

I guess we are more sympathetic of sexual preference.

But regarding sexual / gender identity?

Back to the arc...

[coralproper]

wow .. where have I been LOL

I just have seen this thread, this is what I like about you guys at PC you'll talk about anything

Anyway, I read a post in the womens forum, and posted ..I thought you could post a reply to a thread but not start a thread

my post was deleted and I was politly pm'd by a mod that we don't do that

anyway, I felt dumb LOL

but know the rules

[DocJohn]

Subgrouping is fairly common on forums, anywhere you have hundreds of people gathering, so people can find an affiliation they identify with. The only difference in this case is we're asking people to respect these specific sub-group's limits, no? Just as someone who's been abused doesn't want to be in a forum with people who abuse, sometimes a woman just wants to hang out with other women, and men with men. Adults sometimes don't want to have to deal with kids, and kids sometimes want to talk without adults telling them what to do or how to be.

If you'd like to suggest a new forum for identity issues, or transgendered, or the like, you're more than welcomed to do so.

Best,
DocJohn

sub-grouping is a fairly common phenomenon, yeah. as is... stereotyping. as is discrimination on the basis of gender or age or whatever...

i appreciate that some potential benefits to sub-groups / stereotypes / discrimination is that it helps build an in-group identity.

i also think that there are some costs to those who are excluded...
and that people who are included can also bear some costs with respect to the stereotypes that are promoted as necessary in order to be part of the in-group.

kind of shows you what is valued in society.

i guess i would have thought that those who have been discriminated against (e.g., for mental health issues); those who have experienced distressing thoughts (e.g., symptoms of OCD, depression etc); those who have acted in ways they regret (e.g., symptoms of depression, borderline personality, whatever) would be more sympathetic to taking people on their merits rather than judging people according to age / gender / diagnosis (e.g., 'pedophile) stereotypes.

but i guess not.

i wouldn't suggest more divisions because it is the idea of them (and condoning them) that i find problematic.

i find the following hard for the reasons i state:

the idea that 'women just want to hang with other women'. i - as a woman - would prefer to hang with people who are supportive and friendly and who can identify with me in some way than to hang with someone just because they are female.

the idea that 'adults don't want to have to deal with kids' puts a stereotype on what kids are expected / anticipated to be like such that adults have to 'deal' with them. i find that some teenagers exhibit more emotional maturity than some adults and when it comes to having a meaningful conversation... give me those kids any day of the week.

the idea that kids want some place where adults don't tell them what to do casts adults as telling kids what to do. i don't much like it when anybody tells me what to do - so i have sympathy with that.

why can't we just talk with people on their merits without having to categorise and pigeonhole them? why do we interact with people on the basis of the latter instead of on the basis of the former?

getting rid of all those stereotypes / discriminations / prejudices... isn't that one of the advantages to an anonymous internet board where we DON'T KNOW what sex / race / gender / age a person is. we can only go by what they say and we have no idea whether people are misrepresenting themselves or not. why can't we just take people on their merits?

[Mouse_]

oh for gawd sake, let the men have a bit of peace LOL

I read this article a while back. it was about how the internet can harm people with mental health issues. how does it harm them? people become involved with forums (for example) where in-group identity is based on a diagnosis.

such as...

anorexia.
dissociative identity disorder

and people won't give up there diagnostic labels (and the behaviours that result in the diagnostic labels) partly because... they don't want to leave their in-group.

[nowheretorun]

i hear you alexandra.. it would be great to rise to the ideal you speak of... course there are always those who think we whine entirely too much...

but im with you... i feel we need to treat people like people, not types or genders... and each of us has specific interests which can benefit all but ive seen over and again how good people are silenced by the majority...

personally, rather than examine the minority, i think itd be good to examine the majority...

why do they want to stay in the same failed routines?

the majority of people who abuse others have been abused themselves.
the majority of people who have been abused struggle with thoughts / feelings / urges / desires to hurt others at times.
this phenomenon is so frequent it has a name:
identification with the agressor.
coming to terms with that (and identifying it as that) is part of the healing.

when ones in-group identity on a 'survivors' board is dependent on one not talking about that...
then that severely limits the utility of the board with respect to helping survivors
1) understand why they may have been victimised
2) come to peace with those aspects of themselves
and so on.

when it is made clear that people with thoughts / urges / desires to harm others are NOT welcome

well...

more for the dissociative forum i guess.

[nowheretorun]

my experience has been that 'agressors' are least likely to examine themselves.... how do we get then to care? ... maybe i should take the hint that this belongs in dissociative, but it is more a 'general' problem isnt it?

[DocJohn]

The beauty of a place like this is you can choose where you want to hang out and share, and if you don't like or identify with a particular forum, you don't need to participate in it.

I'm sorry, but I'm all for people giving more choices. I would feel uncomfortable trying to second guess what their emotional or psychological or other needs are and throwing them all together in one big forum and say, "Here you go, good luck!"

And we do have non-disorder based forums -- over a dozen such forums exist here. So if you're not "into" labels, there are still many supportive places to hang out here.

Each to their own...

DocJohn