[Aviza]

I came across an old photo album. My son was a newborn. I could see my depression in the photos, untreated. He's been gone 10 years. Out of my life 12 years. I lost him due to crazy. They made me sign away my rights he committed suicide two years later. I shouldn't have signed but was too crazy to handle an Adhd, odd son. No one would take him.

Mom thought she could later but i told her he was too difficult. And now he's gone permanently. He would be 25. I made a lot of bad decisions. He needed love and i didn't give it to him. I just saw how dumb i was looking at those photos.

I should have gotten treated for depression. I'd still be married. I wouldn't have watched the demise of my only son. My life is miserable. I have made bad choice after bad choice.

I don't think i know how to make a good decision.

[MickeyCheeky]

You were struggling yourself. Please don't blame yourself that much. You couldn't know. You also needed help. Unfortunately when our parents struggle, we as children struggle as well. That is not anyone's fault. It simply happened. Please take ALL the time you need to cope with this AWFUL Loss! Losing a child is one of the most horrible things that can happen to a parent, easily the most terrible. Take some deep breaths, make some free time for yourself, spend some time with your daughter or other Loved ones, cook something nice for yourself, remember that you did what you could and what you've felt like it was the best thing to do. I am so Sorry for your Loss! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Aviza, your Family, your friends, your daughter and ALL of your Loved ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[TerryL]

dear aviza, i am so sorry for your loss. pls dont blame yourself. you were struggling with depression and it is hard to see beyond that. depression affects everything. we all understand. so pls be gentle with yourself and pls take care of yourself. you have been through so much.

[Travelinglady]

I agree with the others. You did the best you could. I'm sure you miss your son,. Think of any good things about him--and look for other people you can meet and become friends with--even children.

That's all I can think of now.. Just know that I care.

[TunedOut]

I am so sorry about your tragedy. We have all made mistakes and IMO tragedies do not usually happen because of one person's actions. Rather, they tend to happen due to a series of events, trauma, and many other factors that are out of our control. Please forgive yourself. I am confident you tried and cared deeply for your son! Hugs!!