Failed according to expectations

I was raised in an environment where education and good paying white collar job are the most important things in life. Not just my father, but everyone in the town where I come from has this expectation of me of being professionally and academically successful. Although I managed to achieve the highest academic degree, I have failed miserably to translate this into a successful career or even a stable career for that matter. Instead now I am unemployed, with 3 years gap in my resume. As such, I feel I have failed, and I have withdrawn from people completely because of my low self-esteem. When I went home the last time, I didn't want to see people, because they kept asking what I am doing, and I felt so embarrassed and very little. I think all of this because of the expectations that set in advance for me. I think if there wasn't expectations from me, failing would have been normal.

Dear Diurnal,

I am so sorry you are in this situation. Although the details are different, I was in the same kind of situation. Even now it is painful to think about.

Paradoxically, when I was finally able to claw my way out of this situation and meet the expectations of others, I found myself feeling really empty inside.

At some point I discovered that I enjoyed doing work to help people in need. The pay wasn't anything great but it gave me a life of meaning and fulfillment.

My life today is very good although I am sure that those who value only money and material success still probably look down on me. I hope you find some way to find what makes you feel fulfilled and happy, whatever that might turn out to be.

I think there are many ways to find fulfillment in life although not everyone can appreciate every way. Wish I had something profound to offer you, but sadly I lack knowledge, experience and insight in the area of wisdom.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

How about teaching? And helping others learn to have their own expectations instead of following the expectations of others.

Life can be miserable if we try to live up to the expectations of others.

I also understand, but with different details. The last time I worked was around back in 1991. I'm always embarrassed when people ask what I do, too. I've never worked more than two months.

i think You need to ask Yourself what'd make YOU Happy, not other people. Is this what You wanted to do with Your own Life? Perhaps there are other Dreams You wanted to accomplish. Nevertheless, i am so Sorry things have been hard for You! Please do remember that, things accomplished or not, You're not a failure. Don't You EVER tell Yourself that. Please do not give up And try to examine Yourself And Your own Dreams. i know it's not easy since i can relate as i also feel the weight of other people's expectations on my shoulders. SEnding many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @Diurnal, Your Family, Your FriEnds And ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting And keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Sorry to hear that, i myself come from the same background. I was unemployed for 3 years i keep jumping from job to job. Its a hard life. My longest job is 3 years. I am 33 years old. Just keep fighting and every time you get knocked down get back up and try harder. I have a job which is temporary, but i will guarantee to you that i will be the best worker, and try and make it permanent, through my efforts.

Even looking for work is a job it puts a strain on mentality. Not just because we are not working, but because looking and applying to different companies is a huge task. Do not give up, but try harder, make sure you use all the space on the application form, the more goodness you display and potential you have, the eaiser and quicker the job will be yours. All the best.