[Fuzzybear]

... I keep having to say I am sorry to a friend I hurt when I was freaking out. I am posting this here so that I don't bother my friend with my rubbish. My mother never said she was sorry for her total rejection of me ... oh shut up you stupid bear and go to sleep My mother so sweetly said to me "I am fed up to my back teeth with you" and many other cutting comments of the sort I am sure many of you are familiar with (I am nothing special) and I was never allowed to stay at the parental home when I had nowhere to live. As the whole family agreed with her assessment of me I sometimes wonder if I really was/am this unloveable, unendearing ... this is when I feel like removing the "badness" inside me in any way possible. My therapist said that my anxiety was destructive to the therapy, and that he felt very indifferent to me (sorry if I posted any of that before) I have never worked out why he was so negative towards me, but sometimes I come close. I am aware that this message is all over the place, like I feel at the moment and I will probably regret posting this later ...

I have been sitting with this message for more than 10 minutes now, debating whether to send it. Is it "appropriate" for a "moderator" (no dig at anyone intended) Well, as I have been labelled "avoidant" amongst other things, I will hit continue

Take better care than I do of me,
Fuzzy

[mj14]

Sweet Fuzzy,

It can be so difficult to stop listening to those negative things that our parents said/did to us. And when those people who are supposed to love us no matter what reject us, it can be so hard not to believe that everyone else will do the same thing.

But the truth of the matter is, you are not the person they said you were...you are extremely loveable and endearing, and kind and intelligent and funny and caring and all kinds of wonderful things. And there are lots of people here who love you, and we will not turn our backs on you. This forum is a better place because you are part of it.

I'm glad you decided to post this, and talk about what's going on inside you. I hope you keep talking about this stuff, so you can find a way to quiet all those negative voices in your head, and make all of our voices, the ones reminding you just how wonderful and special you are, take over.

*hugs for my dear friend*
Jo

<font color=green> If she spins fast enough then maybe the broken pieces of her heart will stay together, but even a gyroscope can't spin forever</font color=green>

((((((((((fuzzybear)))))))))))
Hang in there, in hopes of a better tomorrow.
Blessings,
Jon

[gloria]

For those who chose not to love you: Shame on them and their loss!!!

It's all about choices. Theirs and yours. As of mine, I think you are such an easy person to love, I've chosen to love you. (and I'm not gay so don' take it the wrong way ... just in case)
Take care as best as you can.

gab

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I can't put it any better than MJ did so I'm here to strongly echo what she said.

<center></center>





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[shakes]

Fuzzy,
You are an incredibly sweet and comforting person. You have been an inspiration to me and I am sure, to others on this board with your advice and understanding. The fact that you apologize for what you feel you did wrong makes you a wonderful person.
I know that parental rejection really sucks and really hurts. I fight everyday to not listen to what my parents tell me. Please try to do the same. You are so important here.

Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}

Being a moderator doesn't take away from your need or right to have whatever feelings you have, and to talk about them here. I'm glad you were able to share a little bit more of yourself with us. That's too bad that your parents and others, even your therapist (!) said things to you that made you feel unlovable. All I can say is, they must not have known you at all, and it's about them, not about you. You are lovable. Not just as a bear, as a person also.

I wonder if the things your T said were not meant to be hurtful, but to point out that your anxiety and avoidance were a source of trouble for you both in the therapy, and probably in real life as well. I wasn't there, so I don't know, but part of what therapy is about is finding the things that you need to change in order to get more out of life, and working on those things.

Please Take Care,
Rap

p.s. I know it's easier to care about others than about yourself sometimes, so we can make a deal - you know that we care about you, at least as much as you care about us, right? Maybe that is hard to know and accept, but it's true. How about giving yourself a little more of that caring that you give to the rest of us here? Tell yourself it's from us if you need to, just so that you let it get to where it needs to go. You are lovable, and you are loved.

<font color=orange>"If a light beckons to you, follow it. If it leads you into the quagmire, you'll probably find your way out of it again; but if you don't follow it, you'll be plagued for the rest of your life by the thought that perhaps it was your star." Friedrich Hebbet</font color=orange>

[dexter]

Fuzzy we are volunteer moderators... we are not outsiders sent here to moderate... first and foremost we are members of this community.

If moderators should set an example... it should be in expressing our feelings and taking advantage of the love this community has to offer (as you have done here)... not by trying to be "different" than the other members here.

{{{{{{{{fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

------------------------------------
--http://www.idexter.com

[Peanut61]

I'm really glad that you posted this, but it makes me so angry at your Mom and that T. Grrrrrrr.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Fuzzybear))))))))))))))))))))))))...

XOXO, Jill & the b-day pup

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[angel04]

sorry bear but you are completely loveable in my opinion. I think seeing all these messages you should try to start believing that fact. Don't fight it hunny, you're simply the best!!!

Per ardua ad astra
Motto of the Royal Canadian Air Force
"through adversity to the stars"

[wisewoman]

I am so sorry fuzzy. You are who you are and that is the gentle kind person we see. Sorry that people are negative. I ceased all contact with my family of origin because of the hurtful stuff they continued to dump on me. Look in the mirror and reach up to us. Thanks for sharing.

[SweetCrusader]

I think you're wonderful! And certainly the best bear I know!

Much love and many hugs to you!!! (((((Fuzzy)))))

Angela

-comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable-

[krzyk101]

((((((((((FuzzyBear))))))))

I am sorry for your pain and hurt. I understand alot of what you are going through. Those hurtful things said to us as children are lies. Growing up I heard "Can't you do anything right" and those words stay with me today.

I really like you fuzzy and want you to know I want to praise you for the courage to make this post, I am glad you did. I have a difficult time posting about myself, and less difficult time replying. Thank you for sharing more about yourself.

Sending ((((Hugs)))) good wishes for a good person (((Fuzzy)))

Take Care, Chris

______________
~KRIS~

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks everyone, I am still grrr but you are all so great and you've helped!!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Love,
Fuzzy

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

One more smilie for you. Take Care!

<font color=orange>"If a light beckons to you, follow it. If it leads you into the quagmire, you'll probably find your way out of it again; but if you don't follow it, you'll be plagued for the rest of your life by the thought that perhaps it was your star." Friedrich Hebbet</font color=orange>

[nightdream]

((((((((((((((FUZZY))))))))))))))

nightdream

[alm15]

((((FUZZY)))))
YOU ARE VERY VERY VERY LOVABLE!!!!! I think you're wonderful! I'm sorry about the way you were treated by your Mother and your therapist. They both acted horribly. A child is supposed to be able to expect unconditional love and you didn't get that. You deserved and derserve that. As far as your "therapist," unfortunately there are a lot of crappy ones out there and it looks like you found one. A patient's anxiety can only be a hinderance to the theraputic process if the therapist can't handle it. It was his lack of competence that was the problem, not you! His attitude has much more to do with him than it does to do with you. As for him saying he felt "indifference" towards you, I think he's in the wrong profession. Perhaps he would be better suited to me a mortician. I think you are wonderfully dear. I can't imagine any human being feeling indifferent towards you. My suggestion is to drop him as the bad baggage he is and find a loving female counselor. You deserve better!!!
I hope my ranting wasn't too much. Take care! Annie

[PlanningtoLive]

Fuzzy, I can't add much more than the others........just look and see how loved you are.

I'm glad that you let us in so we can understand more - you are human, and very loveable.

xoxoxoxo

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
Dorothy Bernard