Ben invited me to his party

black-roses · Aug 26, 2021, 06:11 AM

So Ben has invited me to his family party which is for his birthday but is about 6 days before and I don't feel comfortable going especially coz his mum and that is going to be there. I just don't want us to look more serious then what we are and I feel that friends are separate from family. So if he wants a party with his friends do it just with his friends maybe that's just how I feel. Anyway, I think I'm going to ignore the message or if he asks if I want to go to his party I'll just say I didn't get his message.

mote.of.soul · Aug 26, 2021, 06:50 AM

Yes, do what you feel is right, @black-roses.

I haven't read all of your posts about your situation with Ben, but I do know he was talking about you to his mum, he broke your trust and confidentiality which is hurtful, and that he didn't really acknowledge how that upset you.

I'm just wondering if he knows where you stand with him? I'm also wondering if he knows now, that you don't like him to break confidentiality? Did it sink in that he angered you?

Sounds like you're giving your friend another chance, which is nice.

black-roses · Aug 26, 2021, 07:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

Yes, do what you feel is right, @black-roses.

I haven't read all of your posts about your situation with Ben, but I do know he was talking about you to his mum, he broke your trust and confidentiality which is hurtful, and that he didn't really acknowledge how that upset you.

I'm just wondering if he knows where you stand with him? I'm also wondering if he knows now, that you don't like him to break confidentiality? Did it sink in that he angered you?

Sounds like you're giving your friend another chance, which is nice.

Well I didn't tell him that I was angered about it I just asked him why he did it and then I was to angry to be able to speak so I just ignored him for like 8 days and I only started talking to him today. I said this 'Hey Ben I'm just at Tafe I took sometime to think about our friendship and how I felt about you telling your mum things. I felt like I needed to think about what I wanted in life. I feel like we could continue on as a casual friendship. Though I'm probably not up to hang out a lot yet as I'm still quite busy and overwhelmed with things"

I'm the kind of person who can hold onto anger until I explode and it's just simmering for so a while. I'm not sure how I'm ment to deal with anger especially when it's from someone breaking my trust. It appears that I'm giving him a chance but I'm hoping I can slowly break our friendship because I've tried leaving in the past but he got so upset when I tried to break off the friendship. I decided that I won't talk about my feelings at all with him and it will be a very superficial friendship. I mean I feel like he doesn't deserve the air I breathe to be honest. I know that sounds mean but I'm still angry. Like I said I don't know how to deal with anger.

mote.of.soul · Aug 26, 2021, 08:14 AM

@black-roses

I totally hear you. It sounds like you're dealing with the whole thing in as healthy way as you can, really. You're being honest with him without being hurtful and that's very thoughtful, given how you feel about him and what happened.

I'm the same in some ways; never quite sure if feeling angry about something is justified. But all I know is that they're my real emotions and that it's really how I feel, so, that's it. Trying not to put anger back onto the other person can be a mental challenge, though, and some people don't seem to get angry at all which must be nice. But being a sensitive person I feel it quite deeply and it's best if I not pretend I'm okay about something when I'm not, as well.

I think you're taking a good approach black-roses, you sound like someone who knows what they're doing.

In the end, once Ben has drifted into the shadows of time, you'll be able to look back and laugh about the whole thing, I believe.😁👍

downandlonely · Aug 26, 2021, 12:26 PM

It doesn't seem to me like you're being honest with Ben. You told him you want a casual friendship. That seems like you do still want him in your life. And if he asks you about the party, you plan to lie to him and say you didn't get the message. He might believe you and think you still want to be friends with him. But you don't. I think it's important to make a clean break rather than keeping him hanging on. I know that's how I would prefer to be treated. Having false hope about someone who is not interested is not a fun way to live.

black-roses · Aug 26, 2021, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by downandlonely

It doesn't seem to me like you're being honest with Ben. You told him you want a casual friendship. That seems like you do still want him in your life. And if he asks you about the party, you plan to lie to him and say you didn't get the message. He might believe you and think you still want to be friends with him. But you don't. I think it's important to make a clean break rather than keeping him hanging on. I know that's how I would prefer to be treated. Having false hope about someone who is not interested is not a fun way to live.

I did try a clean break before in the past but he got upset when I said I didn't want to be friends with him and begged me not to cut him out. I'm trying to break it off but I don't want to hurt him. I think I'll just wait a bit longer when I feel up to him that I don't really want to be friends with him as he can't be trusted. I totally get what you mean about a clean break, but I also feel like I have to play the situation in a smart way as I don't want to get enemies either. Right now not thinking that clearly.

downandlonely · Aug 26, 2021, 09:12 PM

Well, you will when you feel up to it.

Is he someone who you see often? Just wondering how clean the break can be. It can be tough if it's a neighbor or someone you work with or go to school with.

black-roses · Aug 26, 2021, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by downandlonely

Well, you will when you feel up to it.

Is he someone who you see often? Just wondering how clean the break can be. It can be tough if it's a neighbor or someone you work with or go to school with.

Yes, I used to hang out with him once a week. I didn't go to school with him the year he went coz he's older hes 31 I'm 25 but we graduated from the same school. I met him at Rockingham beach on New year's Eve and he started talking to me. We've been friends for a few years. He lives in Warnbro and then he moved to Waikiki near a private hospital that isn't too far from where I live.

sarahsweets · Aug 26, 2021, 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by black-roses

I did try a clean break before in the past but he got upset when I said I didn't want to be friends with him and begged me not to cut him out. I'm trying to break it off but I don't want to hurt him. I think I'll just wait a bit longer when I feel up to him that I don't really want to be friends with him as he can't be trusted. I totally get what you mean about a clean break, but I also feel like I have to play the situation in a smart way as I don't want to get enemies either. Right now not thinking that clearly.

If you truly want to break it off you will hurt him. And he will feel it. For your own peace. The only way is to block him on every social media, app, text, take him out of your contacts. Do not follow his lifestyle, look him up or even think about him.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

black-roses · Aug 26, 2021, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

If you truly want to break it off you will hurt him. And he will feel it. For your own peace. The only way is to block him on every social media, app, text, take him out of your contacts. Do not follow his lifestyle, look him up or even think about him.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I did I blocked him on everything.