Adoption: How that can affect a persons mental health long term

@eskielover ~ you make a very insightful point about animals. I love how you expressed that. Thank you! I do believe somewhere down the road healthy attachments can form with people that build their tribe that loves them unconditionally. That being said, acceptance with the good, bad and the ugly is the key for me. We all have our views on how words are used. (I have little by little)

My life experience: A natural baby given up for adoption from its natural parents (especially) from their maternal side builds no attachment until later. I was in an Catholic orphanage for about 3 months before I was adopted. How could a person learn bonding/attachment during that period of different people caring for you. Once I was adopted, it took awhile for me to form some type of attachment to my mom however it was even harder and longer with my Dad.

Yes, an orphanage experience would be tough.

I think my mom had post-partum depression though, which makes it hard for biological mothers to bond with their babies. It's not an issue with adoption.

Hello Sage, and all posting comments in this thread.

Wasn't expecting to find a thread dedicated to adoption trauma when I joined this forum.


I'm a trans-racial adoptee. I was told around 5 or 6 yrs of age, too. Even though I looked so different to everyone else in my family I can recall being incredulous.

My parents were also problematic: Dad didn't speak to me for more than 10 years - not a word. We even passed on the street without acknowledging one another.


Mum, I now believe, suffered some form of depression/covert narcissism. She also had an issue with boundaries. She called me 'Sambo' once when she was upset. Told me all of my 'clan' were the same with a chip on their shoulder (feeling the world owes them something for being black). She expressed upset by not talking to my sister and I for weeks on end. She also tols me, when I was 8 or so, that she had tried to commit suicide over me when the adoption was going through a difficult period.

I have deep-rooted issues around relationships/intimacy, trust etc. All of my significant relationships have fallen apart. I have no friends.

I'm also moderately positive about the future, believe it or not! Only recently separated from my wife and two little ones but determined to turn this difficult situation into something positive.

I consider myself a work in progress and am dedicating myself deepening my understanding of how I arrived here.

I have never met my natural parents and only occasionally get a twinge of curiosity about them.


Please be reassured you are not alone in your struggles.

Welcome @Orwellian Nightmare and thanks for sharing your story!

I'm sorry you had those issues with your parents, but I love that you still have hope.