Double Binds

I didn't know where to put this, since this concept covers so many different aspects and issues in my life, so I put it here.

I was chatting with my therapist about toxic family and toxic work relationships and how I felt squeezed, in the very literal sense, in dealing with them and meeting expectations. That must have interested him, because he pulled out a poem that read like an acid trip, but once we parsed it out, it made a depressing amount of sense. It was an attempt at representing double bind theory to the outsider. Now it was supposed to be an attempt to explain schizophrenia. It didn't work, obviously, but I think the framework still explains a lot of my mental distress.

Basic double bind: You are in a relationship (professional or personal) with someone above you in a hierarchy (parent, teacher, boss). That hierarchy is in a closed system (No outside input). Once that relationship is established, you start getting competing goals that cannot both be completed, but must be completed, otherwise you are deficient. You question the system, you're insubordinate. You don't play the game at all, you're lacking in work ethic. You are quite literally given no solid ground to stand on. Everything is in flux. Everything is getting done, yet nothing is. Everything is important, yet nothing is. You've got to realize what's important. Getting a headache yet?

Example: I used to work in a retail store in a specialized role (I sold phones. I was THE phone guy.). We had hours separate from store hours. Every day, without fail, I was told to go do this, that and the other in another part of the store far away and out of sight of the phone counter. This was late afternoon, a popular time for people who work a 9-5. Besides the busy work, I was also expected to man that same phone counter. That meant running across the store repeatedly to help my customers when I was called back. Nothing got done. Busy work suffered because I had to do my job and that was a serious issue for them. Complaints about lack of service at the phone counter fell into my lap with a "What are you doing?" Raising the issue with the upper echelon led to a conference with immediate supervisors about "poor work ethic." Just prioritizing the job I was hired to do during that counter's posted hours led to an insubordination charge leveled at me. They also expected me to be psychic. I wish I was joking. One of my supervisors communicates her desires on paper. There is a paper with notes on the corkboard and various photocopies around the store. My name was not on said notes. Sometimes, it wasn't. I went about my day. This, apparently, was the wrong thing to do. I should have assumed she erred, except when she didn't, and present myself to her for assignment, during phone hours, somewhere in a huge retail store, while still helping my phone customers.

I'm going to stop here, because... well, it's paradox after paradox. And the family aspect of it is just as long. Is it just me, or has anyone experienced something similar?

I got sneered at once on a mental health forum for expressing that the double bind theory of (some) mental illness sounded reasonable to me. I still think it does.

I've been in job situations like that before. If a manager takes a personal dislike for me, I find I can do nothing right and end up being fired.

Wow,just yesterday as it happens,a young lady ( I am a family friend) stated the same problem.How she was not trained properly in a retail scenario,by her superiors and how she was expected to do all kinds of works in random departments,other than the actual department she was hired into.When scrambled ,she was sneered at and her superiors said things like how come you not know how to do this,or someone pushing her aside to do the work themselves commenting how simple the task was.Yep,she was expected to be a psychic and super girl.This girl started working very young,and all those who were out to prove her inefficient or not having work ethic or just dumb were working there for decades and much older.She says if I worked there for years,I bet I would be better than them.But they expected her to handle a lot of things in her first week.

She was just reflecting on her past experiences. In the present day no body would say all those things,as she has proven otherwise with her hardwork.She has done very well for her.I find some people take advantage of their authority to put down the vulnerable ones.

Yes, some bosses do go on power trips. It's too bad.

I think I may have experienced this when I first started my current job. It went beyond “multitasking”—it was more like I was expected to defy the laws of physics & be in two places at once.

Sounds about right. And then your inability to do so was a fatal character flaw. Proof of your unsuitability for the job they're making you not do.

Probably didn't help my situation that I pushed back against some of their more boneheaded decisions, like low staffing, tolerating conflicts of interest (my supervisor's boyfriend was a coworker in my particular area, making him her direct report and, given our issues, her "spy" in the ranks) and open favoritism that oftentimes screwed me over. I asked superiors about being given more responsibility and was told (essentially) "We would rather fire you than do that." I was written up for poor work ethic two weeks later. The boyfriend ended up being my boss before I left.

Everything right is wrong, even when it's right, which is especially wrong. Keep the reasoning going round and round.

Yep,everything right becomes wrong and vice versa,because a lot of onlookers choose to keep quiet about this.So the whistle blowers are alone .They either quit or get fired.