After all these years

Many years ago at this time of year, I was put in a horrible state hospital. Obviously, I lived through it and its been a long time. The problem is I can't get it out of my mind ,recently. Its constant flashbacks. I thought ******TRIGGER

I would die in there, either from neglect, staff or other patients.

I haven't thought about it in such a long time. Now I can't escape it.
Maybe cause its the same time of year?? This is very hard to deal with.

Hi lily, That sounds like a lot of people's worst nightmare. It's entirely understandable that you feel triggered now, at this time of the year - which for many of us is already a difficult season.

I was 23 years old the first time I was IP. It wasn't really so bad; I found a novel to read, a few of the staff were pleasant ('though most were cranky). I made friends with a young woman my age. So things were not terrible

Possible trigger:

until one night. I was sound asleep when I felt something soft over my face and head. One of the patients had come into my room and was smothering me with a pillow.

I kicked and screamed and fought; fortunately, a nurse came in and pulled the woman away from me.

That was 37 years ago, but I still flash back to it sometimes with a feeling of such fear. And that was only the small psych inpatient wing of a large regular hospital. I can imagine how terrifying it must have felt to be in a state hospital. How long were you in there?

That must have been terrifying!
The hospital wasn't just like IP it was what you'd consider an asylum. If I could find a photo, I'd show you.

Danvers State Hospital - Wikipedia

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calla lily12 Danvers State Hospital - Wikipedia

Yes, I understand. The hospital was closed in 1992, so you must have been there quite a while ago. How long were you hospitalized?

Beth I was in there a little over 3 months.

That's plenty long enough. Were there any positive experiences for you while you were IP?

positive from the state hospital? One other patient that had been there for many years, gave me strength. Other than that, I don't know how or why I made it out. The memories (flashbacks) are more clear and more terrible than before.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calla lily12 positive from the state hospital? One other patient that had been there for many years, gave me strength. Other than that, I don't know how or why I made it out. The memories (flashbacks) are more clear and more terrible than before.

I'm so sorry, lily. Are there any particular bad memories you'd like to share, just to "air them out" or vent?

I'm afraid to because either it will make the flashbacks worse or it will badly trigger people here. Also any identifying info won't be good. Thank you for the suggestion, though.