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Member
Member Since Mar 2024
Location: In the southern United States
Posts: 346
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#21
This is the way I presented it to my therapist and should have made it this way.
Shame! You are a terrible feeling, You get in the way of my healing, Shame! Get on a slow boat to Chi...ya..na, Then you can be bombed by a plane, Shame! I-don't-deserve, to feel this, So, I think will throw you ahh-way. I am still getting used to how the text renders in here when you submit a post. |
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![]() Open Eyes
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![]() TheGal, unaluna
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2013
Posts: 846
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#22
HI,
Of all things, I heard an interview with a former WWE wrestler, Jake The Snake Roberts, about his battle with alcoholism and addiction. AT one point the interview said you're taking all this stuff to avoid the pain, and he said, "No man, the shame. The shame of who my father was." That one was striking to me. I don't know you at all. All I can say is that I've been through a bad marriage and now a bad separation. I've experienced a lot of guilt manipulation and a lot of inflicted shame. I'm starting to say, "It's OK to not get everything right. I'm human," and I've begun to look at people in the eye more, and to stand up for myself a little more, adn to treat myself in some way from time to time. It helps. I wish you peace of mind and self acceptance, truly. |
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![]() Open Eyes, TheGal
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
Posts: 1,185
2 802 hugs
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#23
@RDMercer
Thank you so much. Your input and well-wishes mean a lot. I wish you well on your journey... Thanks again |
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![]() RDMercer
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2013
Posts: 846
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#24
You know what???
There are a LOT of sucky people in the world. Like.... Really, really truly..... People that should be made to care for and carry a plant around to apologize to the world for the oxygen they use up. If you are an OK human, you are way better than average! There was a martial art instructor that told me one time, "Positive self talk is too big a step. Neutral self talk is the first step." I'm not THAT bad. I'm probably an OK person. I'm probably as good as at least half the people I meet. Sure as heck I'm better than a couple of them. Maybe I'm not doing great, but I'm smart enough to get a little bit better and I'm going to try to. You know what? At least I'm aware that I want to do better. Some of these MFer's around me can't even see how much they suck. I feel this shame because I think people can see my faults. I can't see their faults, and I mostly don't care about them. Do you know who cares less about your issues than you? Everybody. So quit worrying about how you're doing and just keep doing. My (former) SIL used to pick one superficial thing and focus on that in a positive way. "Maybe I'm not that smart, but I look hot today." Gal.... Each one of these things is like one link or one plate in your armor to protect you. I truly wish you some peace of mind. Maybe try armoring up with some of these things?? RDM |
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![]() Open Eyes, TheGal
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: In the back of your mind
Posts: 606
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#25
Word!
Well said RD! |
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2013
Posts: 846
11 93 hugs
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#26
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
Posts: 1,185
2 802 hugs
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#27
Hi @RDMercer
Thanks for following up with me... I'm an OK person... but I need to put some armour on... going through a rough spot right now... How are you doing? |
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![]() Crazy Hitch, Open Eyes, RDMercer
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![]() Crazy Hitch
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2013
Posts: 846
11 93 hugs
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#28
I'm working on myself just as you are.
A friend of mine once said most things that happen in our lives are a combination of our actions and things outside our control, so never give yourself too much credit or blame. I'm facing past mistakes and taking actions to make them right. And I'm trying to move forward with my head up. We're going to be ok. Ok? |
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![]() Open Eyes, TheGal
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
Posts: 1,185
2 802 hugs
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#29
Thank you so much, RD.
As for taking credit or blame, a balanced approach as you point out sounds like the right approach. I find with depression, things tend to register on the self-blame scale a lot more. Gal |
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Wanderer of Distant Stars
Member Since May 2012
Location: North Carolina, USA. Originally New York
Posts: 25,648
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#30
I feel intense shame in the eyes of God. I am in recovery too, and I feel unworthy enough even to pray. I feel my sins are so bad and I have done so much wrong I don't even deserve His Grace and all the blessings He has bestowed upon me.
Also, to be clear, this has nothing to do with religion just my feelings toward my own Higher Power. it comes from my childhood too. Great post by the way, this applies to some of the stuff I am learning in CODA. __________________ Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Path to Wellness and Love |
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![]() Anonymous49105, mote.of.soul, TheGal
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Creek Devil
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,441
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#31
These days with the shame (feelings I've had for years) I observe it entering my mind (something probably triggered it) and just tell myself "don't go there brother. It's not yours, it's baggage. It's in the mind only" and just try to let it go and refocus attention on something more productive as opposed to accepting it as real and letting it carry me away. I much prefer to approach it that way.
__________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
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Creek Devil
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,441
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#32
Hey @Lady Shadow.
Quote:
__________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
Posts: 1,185
2 802 hugs
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#33
@LadyShadow ((((Hugs)))) I hear you... We must find a way to breathe and to remember that [we] "are a child of the universe, just like the trees and the stars you have a right to be here." ~ The Desiderata
@mote.of.soul Yes, I need to remember that the shame is baggage. A psychologist once told me that a lot of my shame comes from my "family of origin" and doesn't belong to me... The only way out that I can think of is through transformation and self-compassion... sometimes these things are easier said than done. |
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Creek Devil
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,441
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#34
Quote:
__________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
Last edited by mote.of.soul; Mar 31, 2024 at 10:36 PM.. |
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![]() TheGal
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#35
Hi, TheGal, as someone who used to experience a lot of shame, and now experiences a bit less but is still a work in progress, here is what I know:
I've heard that the way to overcome shame is to tell someone you feel safe with about it. Not everyone has this, and I'd advise not rushing yourself to tell someone if you don't yet know of anyone. Self compassion helps. The way I practice this is through journaling and also putting myself around people and in environments I feel accepted by and comfortable in. You could also try owning the things that make you feel embarrassed. Example: I used to be ashamed of certain things about myself. Then I started seeing these qualities being compassionately and kindly portrayed in the media and entertainment I liked. It was like a world opened up for me. The beginning of liking myself. Thank you for sharing the links, I'll check them out! |
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
Posts: 1,185
2 802 hugs
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#36
Thank you, WovenGalaxy!!
I appreciate that you shared with me your approach. There's another book I've been meaning to read... secondhand copies can be found on AbeBooks | Shop for Books, Art & Collectibles. It's called "On Shame and the Search for Identity" by Helen Merrell Lynd. |
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Shame | Coping with Emotions | |||
Shame | Psychotherapy |